


Ghosts of the Past

by PhoenixRising360



Series: Anchor [2]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, Domestic Fluff, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-02 10:09:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 51,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16784839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixRising360/pseuds/PhoenixRising360
Summary: Sequel to Anchor. Gibbs and Tony return to DC after their vacation and move forward with their plans for the future, making a few waves along the way. Should read Anchor before reading this or it won't make as much sense.Thank you to thecookiemomma for the lovely artwork she created for this story.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to each and every one of you who read and posted comments on Anchor. I re-read the comments every now and then and they always make me smile. Many who left comments hoped for a sequel. After two years, I finally pulled together a cohesive story.
> 
> I would like to offer a special thank you to thecookiemomma who beta read before I posted this. It was her prompts that inspired Anchor and I'm touched beyond words that she was inspired to create the artwork accompanying this story.
> 
> Thank you all for your support and encouragement. I hope you enjoy reading the story as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs hauled his bag into the house and heard Tony behind him as Gibbs stepped aside to let him haul in his box. Tony set it down on the table, exactly where he had picked it up two weeks ago when he and Gibbs were heading out to their North Carolina vacation. Gibbs set his bag down on the floor by the stairs.

"You okay?" Gibbs asked. Tony had been quiet for the past hour in the car and he hadn't said a word even as they unloaded Gibbs' stuff from the car and brought it in. Gibbs studied him for a moment, thinking about all the things this man was to him: senior field agent, second-in-command, friend, now lover. He shivered a little at the thought. He'd come damn close to losing it all.

His eyes remained fixed on him as he watched the play of emotions flit across Tony's expressive face. After a moment Tony turned toward him and met his gaze. "Just…the reality of all this is hitting me. There, it was a plan for the future. Now, the future is here. On Monday I tell Director Vance I want everything to change.

"Tony, if you're not ready for this…"

"No, no," Tony held up a hand to stop Gibbs from saying what he was trying to say. "I've never been more ready for a change in my entire life, but it doesn't make it less momentous, ya know?"

Gibbs nodded. He knew all about momentous changes. Sometimes you were ready for them; other times they hit you upside the head with a 2 x 4. This was a change he knew deep down he was ready for.

Tony sighed. "I'm ready for all of this. I really am. I'm just also nervous, too, I guess."

Gibbs nodded again. He was nervous, too. He didn't know if he was nervous for the same reasons Tony was, but for the first time in his life he was romantically involved with a man. They had both failed countless relationships and were now putting their friendship on the line for a chance at love neither had ever considered. So far, they were doing well, at least Gibbs thought so; he was already more comfortable with Tony than he had ever been with his three ex-wives.

He stepped up to Tony and placed his right hand on Tony's neck, having discovered Tony liked that by the way he leaned in. "Listen to me, okay?" he said softly. "Work isn't the only big change. You and me…that's a huge change. There's no rush here. You know that, right?"

Tony nodded. "I wasn't ready for vacation to end," he admitted after a moment. "I love being alone with you. I like having you all to myself."

Gibbs smiled. No one had ever told him that before but coming from Tony, it felt so good. "Putting up with me for two weeks wasn't enough?" he teased.

The tap to the back of his head was a surprise. He tried to look mad, but didn't quite make it even as he barked, "Did you just head slap me?"

"Damn right. Get used to it if you're going to say stuff like that."

Gibbs laughed. He loved that Tony felt comfortable enough to tease him.

"Tell me again why the hell we're staying apart tonight?"

Gibbs sighed. "You know why."

"Abby."

"And Ducky."

"And maybe Tim or Ellie or both," Tony said with a sigh.

"I really think we should wait until after I retire or you transfer or both before we tell anyone else about us. That way, no one can question our conduct as supervisor/subordinate."

Tony nodded. "I don't think anyone would though."

"Maybe not, but I don't want to take that chance. You deserve every opportunity and every chance for promotion."

"I appreciate that. I really do. It's just that…" Tony trailed off, and Gibbs could see the conflict in his eyes.

"What?" Gibbs asked, concern growing in his gut.

"Been living with you for two weeks and I liked it. It was easy. Just not looking forward to going to an empty apartment."

Gibbs could hear the sadness in his voice. "You're not alone, Anthony."

"I'm being stupid, aren't I?"

Gibbs huffed. "Not stupid. On Monday, we'll both know a little better what the future might hold."

"Maybe…if Vance has time to talk to us."

Gibbs nodded. "It'll be okay. Really."

Gibbs reached out and took his arm and pulled him close and hugged him. Tony stood there awkwardly for a moment before tentatively bringing his arms around him.

"You never struck me as the hugging type, except for Abby."

"Don't like it?" Gibbs asked, tightening his hold.

"Not used to hugging anyone my own height. Used to those I hug being shorter."

Gibbs splayed his hands over Tony's low back and let his fingertips rub small circles into the muscles there and decided he was going to hug Tony a lot.

Tony groaned a little. "You gotta stop, Jet, or I'll never leave. We can't let Abby catch us like this."

"She'll be happy for us," Gibbs said, reluctantly releasing Tony.

"But then she'll sneak in and try to set up cameras."

"She'd best not do that," Gibbs growled.

Tony smiled. It wasn't his dazzling, brilliant smile but a softer, shyer smile that Gibbs thought made him look years younger. He looked so pleased it made Gibbs heart ache to see it. "Dinner tomorrow, right?" Tony met his gaze.

"Absolutely."

"Then I need to head to the store." Tony leaned in and lightly kissed him but it was Gibbs who held him close and deepened the kiss trying to convey without words how much he would miss Tony that evening and how much he looked forward to the next day.

"God, Jet! No wonder you convinced four women to marry you," Tony said breathlessly when the kiss ended. "My knees are weak."

Gibbs grinned.

Tony grinned back. "I better go or else I won't. Don't want anyone catching us making out in your dining room.

"This won't be a secret for long."

Tony nodded. "I know, but I…uh…I actually don't mind it being a secret...for now."

Tony nodded and he stood looking at Gibbs for a long moment. When Gibbs gave him a questioning look, Tony smiled a little sheepishly. "We've spent the last two weeks together. Been like a really good dream that's coming to an end. Afraid to wake up and find out it really was all a dream."

Gibbs knew that Tony was still surprised he felt the same. Tony didn't really know the extent that he'd been thinking about the two of them. Maybe he should tell him though now they didn't really have time for a conversation like that. "Not dreaming, Tony, promise. You want me to bring anything tomorrow?"

Tony shook his head no. "Just you and a hearty appetite."

"Sounds good."

"Love you, Jet."

"Love you too, Anthony." One last quick kiss and Tony was halfway across the room before Gibbs blinked and smirked. He hadn't guessed Tony would be one for quick, spontaneous affection but decided he liked it.


	2. Chapter 2

Once Tony's car had pulled away, Gibbs let out a long, deep breath. He stood there a moment and listened to the house. The hum of the refrigerator was the only sound other than the subtle settling noises all houses made when anyone focused on them to listen.

For a moment, it was too quiet. It was like the life that had been in it departed with Tony. It was oppressive. It wasn't like the quiet of being in the beach house while Tony was out on the deck. There, at least there was the ambient sound of the waves crashing against the shore, or motor boats, or the breeze in the trees. This silence was a different quality. It was the silence of being alone when he didn't really want to be.

Not that he never thought he wouldn't want some alone time, but that was different. He'd wanted Tony to stay, but he knew all the practical reasons he shouldn't. Everyone would think it odd if Tony was still there after dropping Gibbs off and in truth, neither of them were ready for the scrutiny and questions this new phase of their relationship would bring. They needed time to settle into things in the reality of their daily lives and be comfortable together in that sense. Here, their dynamic had been supervisor/subordinate and now that was changing. He also was under no delusions that everything was perfect between them. He'd hurt Tony a lot and now he was rebuilding trust on top of building intimacy. He was glad Tony wanted that, but he still sensed some unfinished business between them. He distinctly felt Tony held back and while he was trying not to, he knew it would take time for Tony to fully relax. Now that they were back to their daily life, he half-expected Tony to realize he was too good for him and change his mind.

He closed his eyes a moment and inhaled deeply. He didn't know if he caught some scent or was just hallucinating but an image of a much-younger Diane appeared in front of him, hands on her hips. "I never should've married you! All you do is retreat down to that damn basement. You spend more time with that fucking boat than you do with me! All you do is pine for a dead woman. I don't even know what the hell you married me for! You'd rather have a dead woman than me!" That had been the last fight before she filed for divorce. All these years later, that memory still stung. It was that memory that made him despise her for a long time afterward and even after they mended fences, their relationship still remained fractured. Some fences could never be mended, or rebuilt. He'd never forgiven her for her cold words over Shannon. She'd been smart enough to not ever say a word about his grief over Kelly. If she had, he might not have stopped himself from killing her.

She'd always been resentful of Shannon and Kelly. She'd been furious when he refused to have a child with her. He knew when she had stopped taking birth control and was trying to get him to stop using condoms but he knew her game. It had galled him at the time that she wouldn't respect his wishes to not have another child but she'd really wanted to be a mother. He refused to stop using condoms and when he realized she was trying to trick him into getting her pregnant, he had stopped having sex with her and withdrew even more. He didn't know what it was that alerted him to the fact that she was no longer taking birth control pills, but he knew it as certainly as he knew his own name.

Letting out a ragged breath, Gibbs opened his eyes and walked toward the basement door and down the stairs, his eyes focused on the boat he was building in memory of her. It was still a shell really, and he remembered how much she used to bitch about him spending all his time down here building a boat. Seemed kind of ironic in a way, she used to bitch about how much time he spent building a boat and now, after she died, he was building a boat he intended to name after her.

He glanced around the room, seeing Diane standing in various spots according to his memory of where he stood working at the times she'd deign to come down here to bitch at him. He wasn't really one to think ill of the dead, especially after his parents had drilled into him how unfair it was to speak ill of the dead when they weren't there to defend themselves but he couldn't stop the flow of memories and thoughts. He'd liked Diane at first. There had been something about her that drew him in like a moth to a flame. It didn't take long after their wedding that he stopped liking her as much. It almost seemed that once he put a ring on her finger, that was the epitome of what he could do to make her happy. Maybe he could've tried harder, but it got to the point where no matter how hard he tried, she complained more until he just gave up.

He felt the wave of frustration all over again as he remembered how many times she stood down here, chewing him out while he tried to work on the boat and it was only because she griped so much that he stubbornly kept working on it, not willing to give her the satisfaction of giving an inch, not that even the mile she used to take was enough.

Looking back, he wondered why she'd wanted him at all. Why had she set her sights on him? All his exes had wanted to fix what they saw as the hidden, vulnerable man inside and yet he had never shown them his vulnerable side. They'd glimpsed it maybe but he'd never shown them how fragile he sometimes really felt, especially when memories of Shannon and Kelly threatened to drop him to his knees, not that any of them had ever cared about how he felt. Rebecca and Stephanie were generally kinder about it once they found out. Stephanie was livid he hadn't told her about them before their marriage but eventually she calmed down.

He ran his hand over one of the areas of the boat he'd sanded to silky smoothness and smiled a little. Diane would've hated this boat, forget the fact he was building it in her memory. Given, he didn't have to name the boat after her, but he already had, even if her name wasn't yet etched in it. That little rebellious voice in his head bitching at him for all the time he spent on it was determined to finish it just because she used to gripe, but he knew that was petty. He hated not finishing the projects he started but now he had a new lease on life. He was no longer alone in the world, as he always likened himself to be. Truth be told, he hadn't been alone for almost 16 years. Tony had been by his side one way or another ever since. Now, he and Tony were truly partners in every way. First on the job, now in life. Maybe they'd been heading in this direction for a long time without realizing it. He couldn't imagine his life without Tony in it, didn't want to. He'd been such a fool to push him away.

Even a few years ago he wouldn't have been ready to open himself up to a relationship like this. He'd still been haunted by guilt, memories and ghosts. He closed his eyes again and he saw Diane standing across from the boat looking accusingly at him. He'd hated her when she did that. Every time she looked at him like that, he'd felt an almost overwhelming urge to slap that look off her face. Not once in all his life had he ever hit a woman. On the job, he'd tried to restrain rather than hit one.

He hurt Diane but she hurt him, a fact she'd often overlooked. Fresh anger coursed through him as memories of her words washed over him. All the accusations, the resentment, the cruel way she had dismissed Shannon though she had been appropriately sympathetic toward the loss of Kelly, only to later throw it in his face that he clung too much to their memories, like he was supposed to forget that the light of his life was killed.

His marriage to her was so messed up and the divorce was even worse. He closed his eyes and the onslaught of memories was too much. He balled his fist and slammed it into the boat and when he did, the image he held in his head of Diane standing in front of it shattered and disappeared.

The boat shook with the impact and the whole structure slid a few inches despite its weight. Gibbs eyes shot open and he reached out to still the tottering structure, putting it back where it was balanced. The effort centered him and he shook the pain out of his hand. He stared at the boat for another moment and then turned his back on it. He didn't even remember climbing up the stairs when he found himself in the dining room watching the sun shine in the window warming his leg through his jeans. He took a deep breath and let his body relax. For Diane, there was no more pain. He couldn't hurt her anymore and she couldn't hurt him. He let out another huff, letting his emotions settle.

He wasn't going to make the same mistakes with Tony. He'd been unfairly stubborn with Diane, partly because she could be so bitchy but partly because he resented her for not being Shannon. He vowed then and there he wouldn't let his stubbornness rule his relationship with Tony. Tony had always been put low on others' priority lists his whole life. Tony never complained and he never said anything, but Gibbs knew from the things he said and his emotional reaction to Gibbs saying he'd move anywhere with him that it was true. It made his chest tighten to even think about it.


	3. Chapter 3

He pulled himself out of his reverie and noted the ache in his knee. He changed into shorts and then got an ice pack and towel and set himself up on the couch. The familiarity of doing this filled him with sadness. Sure, he'd iced his knee several times in North Carolina, but at the time Tony was there to keep him company, distract him from the discomfort. He associated icing his knee with loneliness, he realized. He remembered the long, lonely days before he and Tony made up and it reminded him too much of loss.

A few moments later, he heard cars pull up and car doors close. He turned to look out the window and saw Abby's car. A moment later, he heard Abby's platform boots on the porch and smiled. He looked at his watch. It was 1730 hours. Where had the last two hours gone? Maybe he spent longer thinking about Diane than he realized.

The door to his house opened and a smiling Abby appeared in his living room.

"Gibbs!"

"Hey, Abs."

"I'm soooo glad to see you!" She made a beeline to the couch, settled down and hugged him hard. He hugged her back.

"How ya doing, Abs?"

"Better now that you're home. I was worried about you."

"I'm fine, Abs."

"You look sooo much better than you did. You have a tan!"

"Glad to see you too, Abs."

"Hey, Boss." Tim was suddenly there standing near the end of the couch gazing down at him and Abby. Tim smiled when Gibbs looked up. Gibbs smiled back and nodded in greeting. "Ducky is on his way. He was a few minutes behind us."

Gibbs smiled a little and nodded.

"So…tell us about your vacation. How'd you like it there? Would you go again? Did you swim a lot? What all did you and Tony do?"

"Did you have a good time?" Abby asked, then stopped, looking at him expectantly.

"You gonna let me answer that one?"

Abby laughed. "Yeah. So?"

"Yep," Gibbs said, not offering more. She also didn't need to know how good a time he actually had. Everything about their vacation had been good: good food, good sun, good exercise, good sleep, good view…in more ways than one, he thought as he remembered Tony walking around the deck naked, and good sex.

"You actually look like you had a good time," Abby went on, seemingly oblivious to his internal monologue. "I can't believe you went on vacation with Tony of all people. Did he drive you crazy with his movie talk?" Abby was smiling as she asked the question, but for a split second he could've sworn he saw something in her eyes that belied the smile. It was so quick though he wasn't sure. His gut started churning a little. It was well-known that Tony loved to talk about movies but come to think of it, except for the few movies they'd watched while there, Tony hadn't actually talked about movies that much. They had talked about lots of other things, but movie talk hadn't featured as heavily as Gibbs thought it would. "Uh, no, actually he didn't."

"Will wonders never cease," Tim said drily though he smiled. There was no heat in it. "We were sure he would drive you nuts inside of two days."

Gibbs snorted. Tony actually hadn't driven him nuts at all but they didn't need to know that. "Was relaxing actually," Gibbs said and left it at that. It had been tempting for a moment to let them think that Tony had driven him a little nuts, but he realized that would be a lie and his vow to always make Tony feel loved was uppermost on his mind, and he wouldn't lie about how Tony made him feel behind his back. He was lucky to have him and he wouldn't do anything to compromise that, even if Tony wasn't around at the moment, lest it come back later and bite him in the ass.

"I'm glad, Boss," Tim said. "You needed that."

For a second, Gibbs was tempted to glare at Tim for making such a statement about what he needed but decided not to. He'd spent a lot of years pushing everyone away, especially his team and it was time he stopped. He liked Tim, always had. He didn't always know what to talk about with him, but he was a good man and he'd become a competent, confident agent. Tony could still run circles around him in some ways, but that was because Tony just had a natural gift for police work and Tim had to work at it. Still, he knew he'd hear great things from Tim McGee one day, and he wanted to hear about them from Tim himself if possible. Instead Gibbs smiled at Tim. "Yeah, I did. Was fun. How about you two? Everything okay here?" Gibbs asked.

"Yeah, work was really quiet without you, but Tim and Ellie came to see me when they could but they were busy trying to catch terrorists. Ducky came to see me…"

Ducky called out from the front door. "Jethro?"

"Yeah, Duck," he called out.

Ducky stepped in the living room smiling and took in the sight. "Hey, Duckman!" Abby said and smiled as the man came in, and got up to hug him.

Ducky smiled fondly as he hugged her back. "It's always good to see you, my dear."

"Hello Timothy, Jethro. Ah good, I see you're icing your knee. I feared it would be swollen and stiff from the long car ride.

"Not too bad actually," Gibbs said, taking the ice pack off. Ducky moved closer so he could take a good look at it.

"Ah Jethro, you've healed very well. How is your range of motion?"

"It's good, Duck. Really good. Swimming helped a lot."

"Excellent. Less swelling than I expected after the car ride but I suppose the ice helped." Ducky studied Gibbs for a moment and their eyes met. "Yes indeed, you look much healthier than you did when you left here. 'Tis good that you took care of yourself so well, Jethro."

It was actually Tony who had taken care of him…mostly, but he couldn't say that without giving something away. Gibbs didn't respond to Ducky's statement but no one seemed particularly surprised by that.

"So, tell us about your vacation? What did you guys do? Where did you go?"

"It was a vacation, Abs. What do you think we did?"

"Well, you laid out in the sun, but what else?"

"Swam, ate, slept." He thought about mentioning the drive along the coast but he remembered that intimate kiss on the pier that marked the beginning of their relationship and decided that was too private to share.

"Tony told me you guys tried North Carolina barbecue, how'd you like it?" Abby asked, not seeming the least put off by Gibbs' lack of detail.

He snorted. "I liked it. Was good."

"Tony told me he didn't like it."

Gibbs snorted. "He's Italian, he prefers rich, thick sauces." The thought spoken aloud suddenly reminded him of the other day when Tony went down on him. The memory of the intensity of the orgasm coursed through him and he shivered involuntarily. He shifted a little in his seat, remembering he had three people in his house and now would not be the time to think about that. He couldn't stop the smirk entirely though thinking about sexual innuendo regarding Tony and sauce. God, the man was rubbing off on him. It was a joke Tony would've made if he'd thought of it.

"Are you alright, Jethro?" Ducky asked, concern in his voice.

"Yeah, knee still cold from the ice," he said quickly to cover.

That seemed to make perfect sense to Ducky and he smiled gently. "Ah, of course. I shall go put this back in the freezer."

"Is there anything you need, Gibbs? I can run to the store for you if you need or-"

Gibbs held up his hand. "Nah, I'm good, Abs, thanks. I'm going to the store tomorrow. I'm good for now."

"Are you sure? I don't mind going to get whatever you need. I'm so happy you're home. I missed you so much!" She hugged him again.

Gibbs hugged her back but he realized he hadn't missed her smothering and now she was doing it again. He was a grown man, he could take care of himself. Initially after he'd been released from the hospital, he had needed more help and he'd been grateful for her willingness but now, he was much better and could do for himself. "I'm good, Abs, thanks."

"Do you want some coffee?"

"Nah, I'm good," he assured her. He actually didn't want coffee. He'd drank plenty that morning. Water sounded good, but he was going to wait and get his own water once she left. He wasn't going to be waited on hand and foot.

"Hey, Boss, do you know if Tony is coming back to work on Monday?" Tim asked out of nowhere, and Gibbs was grateful for the distraction from Abby.

"Yeah, he's going to work tomorrow." Gibbs said.

Tim smiled. "Good...that's good." He took a breath. "All right, Boss, I'd better head out. Delilah will be home soon. Good to see you, glad you had a good time."

"Thanks, Tim. Tell Delilah I said hello."

Tim smiled. "Will do. Bye, Ducky."

"I shall see you on Monday, Timothy. Good night."

"You coming, Abs?" Tim asked suddenly with a glance at Gibbs as though he sensed Gibbs had his fill of company.

"Oh," Abby said a little reluctantly. She looked at Gibbs. "You sure you're okay? Is there anything you need? Anything at all?"

Gibbs smiled, summoning patience from somewhere. "I'm good, Abs. Go. Enjoy your evening."

"But we just got here and I don't want to run off and leave you…"

Gibbs held up his hand. "Abs, it was a long drive. I'm tired. Not really good company right now."

"Oh, right. Yeah, it is a long drive. You should get some rest. Do you want a blanket or a…"

"I'm good, Abs," he said slightly less patiently this time.

"Right, yeah," Abby said taking the hint. "I'm really glad you're home safe, Gibbs." She hugged him again and kissed his cheek and he let her.

"Me too, Abs. Good to see you."

"I can't wait for you to get back to work. I miss you there so much."

Gibbs kept his face impassive. He wasn't going to say anything about his impending retirement until Monday when he talked to Vance about it.

"Night, Boss. Come on Abs," Tim said, urging Abby out the door. Abby followed with a wave to Gibbs and Ducky and Gibbs gave Tim a grateful smile behind her back which he acknowledged with a slight nod.

He heard Abby's and Tim's cars pull away and though he tried not to show it, he sighed in relief.


	4. Chapter 4

"Abigail's energy is quite exhausting at times, is it not?" Ducky broke the silence.

"It's amazing how much energy she still has."

"I do worry about that girl's caffeine consumption as it is still extraordinarily high. Thank goodness the rest of her diet is very healthy or I would worry more about her health."

Gibbs smiled but didn't say anything.

"Now, Jethro, tell me honestly, how are you? Really?"

"I'm good, Duck."

Ducky studied him a moment as if to gauge the honesty in his words and after a long moment nodded. "You do indeed look healthier. North Carolina was good to you indeed."

Gibbs wanted to correct him and say that Tony was good to him but he held it back.

"I dare say you've been eating better."

"Ate good while there."

"Very good, Jethro. I am most pleased. And how is Anthony? He looked a mite peaked when I last saw him. World-wide travel had taken its toll on him."

"He's good too, Duck. He ate and slept well while we were there."

"Excellent. I do admit though…" Ducky started and a troubled look crossed his face, "I found it odd that Anthony invited you along for holiday. It was unfortunate that his and Zoe's relationship ended so abruptly, but I would've thought he'd have preferred to go alone so he'd be free to seek female companionship. Unless he did while you were there?" Ducky questioned.

There was no way Gibbs was touching that one, even if he and Tony weren't involved. Gibbs shrugged. "You'd have to take that up with him, Duck."

"Quite right," Ducky agreed. "Though I was worried about yours and his friendship when you left. Have you two resolved your differences? You certainly seem happier and more at peace than you were before."

"We cleared the air about a few things, worked a few things out," Gibbs said.

"So you and Anthony did talk. That's very good, Jethro."

For a moment, Gibbs felt like a child being praised by his father and he felt a spark of annoyance. Ducky was a great friend most of the time but sometimes his manner of speaking reminded him of his father. It wasn't all the time, of course, but since he'd been shot, Ducky had been worse about it. He rolled his eyes. "He and I are good, Duck," he said with a note of finality.

"I am glad to hear that, Jethro. Now, I would like to examine your chest wound."

Gibbs thought about the hickey Tony left on his collarbone last night and shook his head. "No need. It's good."

"I'm sure it is, but I'd still like to check it. Now, shirt off."

"No."

Ducky looked impatient. "It'll only take a moment, Jethro. No need to be stubborn about this."

Gibbs huffed. "And I told you it's healed fine. I haven't had any problems."

Ducky's eyes narrowed. "It's been two weeks, Jethro. You swam in the ocean. I really need to double check it."

Gibbs rolled his eyes. Obviously Tony hadn't told him about the pool. "I'm fine, Dr. Mallard," Gibbs bit out.

Ducky huffed and stood up. Gibbs decided he'd better make an effort one way or another here.

"Hey Duck," Gibbs said.

"Yes?" Ducky still looked irritated but he stopped and listened.

"Just wanted you to be first to know I plan to file for retirement on Monday."

Ducky's eyebrows raised in surprise and he was silent as he contemplated this new information. "I admit to being somewhat surprised," he finally said.

"Why?"

Ducky straightened and looked levelly at Gibbs, disapproval framing the edge of his words. "I didn't think you would retire until the job actually succeeding in killing you."

Gibbs held Ducky's gaze and his eyes narrowed minutely. "Came close to that this time."

"Indeed, it did. Tell me, Jethro, what will you do with yourself post-retirement?"

He couldn't tell Ducky what his and Tony's plans were since they didn't yet know what the plan would be. "Enjoy life," Gibbs said with a sincerity he hadn't truly felt since before Shannon and Kelly were killed.

"Really?" Ducky exclaimed, no mistaking the sarcasm in his voice. "I didn't know enjoying life was ever a consideration."

Gibbs knew he'd pissed Ducky off by not letting him examine his chest wound but he really didn't like Ducky's tone right now. "You got something to say to me, Dr. Mallard?" Gibbs bit out.

"I do, in fact, Jethro."

"Then spit it out."

"Abigail loves you. She only wants to help you heal faster and like always, you push her away with resentment and ill-concealed impatience. You didn't need to run her off like that, Jethro. Would it really have killed you to let her do some small thing for you to make her happy, Jethro? It takes so little from you to make her happy and you never appreciate her."

There were a few moments of tense silence. "You done?" Gibbs' voice would've been perceived as dangerous by anyone else in the world.

"Someday, Jethro, you're going to push everyone who loves you away and when you need them, they won't be there."

"Didn't think telling you about my retirement was pushing you away."

"It is when you're using your retirement to distance yourself from those who love you, like you just did with Abigail."

"Dammit, Duck! I wasn't distancing myself from anyone!" He huffed. "I'm not a damn invalid! I'm sick of being treated like one! I can finally do things for myself! I don't need to be waited on hand and foot! One of the reasons I went to North Carolina was so I could get away from the constant smothering! Not just Abby's but yours, too!" Gibbs was shouting by the time he was done.

A tense silence filled the air between doctor and patient, friend and friend. "I see," Ducky said, pursing his lips together. "I trust you will tell me if anything makes you feel the slightest bit concerned."

"You know I will, Duck," Gibbs snapped.

Ducky's voice rose. "No, Jethro, I don't know that! You have a long-standing habit of always saying you're fine even when you're not. I merely wanted to check the wound and make sure the sea water you swam in did not cause any problems with wound healing."

Gibbs let out a huff as he released the frustration. "It didn't," he said, his voice calmer now. "I've kept an eye on it. I'm fine, really."

Ducky shook his head. "Very well then, Jethro. I shall leave you to your own devices, as that is your preference. Good night," he said tartly, not waiting for a response as he turned and exited the house.

Gibbs watched Ducky leave and part of him wanted to stop him, the other part let him go. Despite what he’d said, he was sorry things went that way. He decided that once the hickey was healed he would let Ducky examine him and tomorrow he would ask Tony not to leave any bites on him until after Ducky examined him again.

Gibbs relaxed against the couch cushions, or tried to. He really did love Abby, and even Ducky, a lot. He valued their friendship, their concern, even their love, and if he had any concerns about his chest wound, he would've let Ducky examine him, hickey or no, but he really didn't. He sighed. "Shouldn’t have yelled at you, Duck," he said softly to the empty room. "Just really not ready for you to know yet." He hesitated and a small smile lit up his face, "But soon, definitely soon."


	5. Chapter 5

He closed his eyes for a moment, enjoying the peace and quiet and letting his body relax after the tension of dealing with Ducky and Abby. In that moment, he missed Tony. Tony would've corralled both of them with his easy manner and upbeat attitude and it was likely Ducky wouldn't have gotten upset with him. On the other hand, Gibbs felt confident no one suspected their relationship had changed. He would have to fix things with Ducky, he decided. He hadn't meant to shout but God, he hated being fussed over.

That was yet another thing he loved about Tony. Tony took care of him without making a fuss. If he wanted to get him something, he made it sound like he was getting something for himself anyway. Tony understood that about him and he was deeply grateful for it.

He wished Tony was there but he knew Tony was busy doing his own thing. Maybe it was good they were spending some time apart. They had been in each other’s pockets for two weeks and it wasn't healthy to be together all the time.

The familiarity of the feeling washed over him. In all his relationships, he had loved the beginning, the newness, spending as much time together as possible. He'd spent a lot of time with Tony over the years but never like this and it felt good, felt right. He couldn't remember ever feeling so comfortable with another person and that had only intensified over the past two weeks.

Gibbs took a deep breath. He needed to get a grip. He could go another 20 hours without seeing Tony. He was a grown man. So was Tony. They had their entire lives to spend together.

Gibbs winced a little at the thought. Look how close he came to it ending. He'd died on the operating table and had only come back at Kelly's urging. Today had been a good day right up until Tony left his house.

Gibbs shook his head. This was ridiculous. He couldn't remember ever feeling so needy before, not even with Shannon. He'd missed her and Kelly like crazy when he was deployed but that was different than how he felt now. He knew part of it was that he was an emotional mess after Luke shot him. Getting shot by a kid…

A wave of pain rushed through his chest and seemed to center on his chest wound and Gibbs gasped. He could feel the panic rising and groaned. Desperately, he remembered how Tony had talked him down and soothed him as he worked through it. God, he hadn't had a panic attack since before vacation. Why now? He breathed deeply and it was long minutes before his chest eased and he wiped the sweat from his forehead. When he closed his eyes to relax a moment, he saw an image of Luke standing in front of him with the gun and he sucked in another breath. Remembering the techniques he'd coached Tony through the plague all those years ago, he talked himself back down, remembering how it soothed Tony and now soothed himself.

He could still see Luke in his mind but now it was like he looked at him from the side, not as if Luke was aiming at him. He shook his head. Kids with guns. The world truly was going to hell. More than ever, he knew retirement was the right decision. It wasn't about pushing people away. And okay, maybe he did run Abby off and no, it wouldn't have killed him to let her get him a glass of water, maybe, but dammit, he didn't want her to. He wanted to do it himself. He was grateful to still be able to take care of himself despite the residual pain. He was sharing his life with Anthony DiNozzo, the best man he ever knew and who happened to love him. He wasn't sure how that happened but he was damn grateful and once again, a longing ache filled him at the thought of him and Tony spending their lives together.

He couldn't help but smile. Tony made it clear he wanted to move, at least for his lungs, but he sensed that was only part of it. Gibbs didn't need to be told that Tony felt like he was in a rut. His life hadn't changed much year to year since he started NCIS. No doubt he was ready for new challenges, new people, new places, a new day-to-day. He should have that. The team may be his family but they had their own lives and he and Tony needed their life together.

He closed his eyes and imagined living with Tony and imagined more of the same as they experienced in North Carolina. He'd loved those two weeks. Eating together, cooking together, watching TV, swimming, going out together, that wonderful moment on the pier when they confessed how they really felt. Even when Gibbs had mowed the lawn in North Carolina, Tony had been inside taking care of the house since the pollen made his chest feel tight. Tony had made a joke about being the woman of the relationship and Gibbs had got in his space, moved his hand over the front of his shorts, cupping him gently for a moment and said, "Hmm, don't feel like a woman to me," before moving away and carrying on as if nothing had happened. He still remembered hearing Tony's gasp of surprise and having to adjust the bulge in his pants.

Gibbs laughed at the memory. He still loved keeping Tony off balance but it was far more satisfying than it ever had been at work. Tony made him feel playful and passionate and combined was a heady rush. How had he ever missed their connection before?

I'm an idiot, he decided. There really was no other good explanation, and he knew Tony felt the same way.

Gibbs shook his head from all his thought and stood up. He felt a wave of dizziness as he did, and realized he was hungry, and exhausted. He reached for his phone and called the Chinese place and ordered food. His body ached and he decided he'd better take it easy. He felt so old at that moment. The vacation had done wonders for his energy level but here, he felt tired. He knew most of it was that it had been a long drive back this morning and afternoon, but it was more than that. The house was too quiet. He missed Tony already. He'd spent so much time alone over the years and he didn't want that now. Still, he and Tony agreed to spend the evening apart, and Fornell might still show up. He turned on the TV to watch the news, just to get out of his own head.

Dinner arrived and Gibbs ate and felt better after doing so. He found an old movie on TV and fell asleep in the middle of it. He woke up at 11, turned off the TV, threw a blanket over himself and went back to sleep in his recliner. Fornell never showed.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning Gibbs awoke early and headed to the diner for breakfast. He still needed to go to the store, but that could wait. His favorite server was happy to see him and left him a carafe of coffee. He tried not to think about Tony, but he did anyway. He'd grown used to sharing meals with him and hated eating alone. He thought about dinner that night and smiled. He knew Tony had been planning something but he wasn't sure what. He was certain it would be Italian though because Tony had said that was what he was good at making. He debated going to the store but the thought of going to a grocery store without Tony didn't sound appealing so he went home. 

The house was silent and once again it felt oppressive. The sun was up and it shone in the kitchen and he saw the layer of dust over everything after being away for two weeks. Happy to be able to do things for himself again, he dusted and polished the wood furniture and then vacuumed. Afterward, he still felt good, not tired, no more pain than usual, so he headed to the basement.

Seeing the boat brought a rush of yesterday's memories and he pushed them away as he took the duster and dusted the last two weeks off the boat. She was still a shell but Gibbs smiled a little with pride. She was sturdy and solid and would only get more so the closer he came to finishing her.

"You care more about that damn boat than you do for me!" All three of his ex-wives had said that or some variation of it sometime during their marriage to him. Gibbs sighed. Diane had been the worst and somehow, he couldn't stop thinking about her whenever he came down here. She was haunting him. He realized ever since he decided to name the boat after her, he'd thought about her way too much.

He never wanted her to die and certainly not how she had. He had cared about her once upon a time. Looking back, he'd never truly loved her, but he'd liked her for a while. He picked up the sander and got two strokes across the rib when her voice filled his head again.

"Can't you ever spend any time with me? Would it kill you to take me out to dinner or something?"

"I'm a bastard," Gibbs muttered aloud. Another attempt to sand the boat.

"Do you have to be such a bastard all the time?" That was another one all three had barraged him with. He always wanted to come back with, "Don't you ever shut up?" He'd said that to Diane once and she'd harped even more to the point where he started working late because that was more pleasant.

Gibbs rolled his eyes at himself. Frustrated, he threw the sander down on his work table and headed back upstairs. The bastard in him hoped she was satisfied she got him to stop working on it. He could almost see her standing there smiling smugly with her arms crossed in front of her.

He hated thinking this way about her. He tried not to think about how bitter his divorce from her was. He'd hated her for a while. It had taken years to let go and move on. Returning his father's watch to him had gone a long way toward that. He hoped wherever she was now, she was at peace.

He drank a glass of water and looked at the clock. He still had a lot of hours to go before he was due at Tony's. Since working on the boat was out of the question, he looked around the house and the door to his and Shannon's bedroom caught his eyes. Right, he was going to sleep in there again. It needed cleaning and airing.

He grabbed his keys and opened the padlock he stuck on the door to keep his well-meaning but nosy friends out. He opened the door and stood there a moment, letting fresh air rush into the room kicking up dust. For a moment, he swore he caught the faintest whiff of Shannon's perfume before it faded and he closed his eyes, remembering how she smelled, and felt. He remembered putting his arm around her and the way she fit against him.

A wave of longing rushed through his body and he ached with it. He reached out to hold the doorjamb until the feeling passed. Slowly, he opened his eyes, taking in the memories he shared with Shannon. Laying in bed watching her get dressed in the morning. Kelly rushing in on Sunday morning and jumping on the foot of the bed, Shannon bunching her legs up so Kelly wouldn't land on them, and Kelly crawling up to the head to lay between him and Shannon.

He remembered that one fall day when the power went out and it was cold and rainy outside. They all got in bed together under the blankets to stay warm and Kelly had fallen asleep between them. He and Shannon just sat up in bed and talked quietly about everything and nothing until the power was restored and how they looked at each other in shared disappointment that the intimacy of the moment was disrupted as the noise of the house resumed and woke Kelly up.

Gibbs didn't even realize he was crying until he heard a car drive by and he felt the wetness on his face. It didn't stop the memories. He remembered Shannon smiling at him as she undressed for bed and the wave of want that coursed through him every night they were together. They hadn't made love every night; Kelly had been a rambunctious child and tired them out way too much for that, but there were so many nights they would lay there together, skin on skin and savor the feel of being together until they both fell asleep.

That was what he tried to recapture with his ex-wives and it never was quite right. They didn't fit against him the way Shannon had. They didn't know how to be quiet with him the way Shannon had. They needed different things from him than Shannon had.

The image of Shannon in his mind faded and an image of Tony laying with his head in his lap and smiling up at him came to mind. He and Tony laying in bed against each other in post-orgasm haze. He and Tony waking up this morning spooning with his hand on Tony's belly and Tony's arm wrapped around his.

"Let go, Gibbs."

Gibbs eyes shot open when he heard Shannon's voice. He looked around the room in a daze. There were large pieces of plastic covering all the furniture to protect it from dust since Shannon had been so particular about dusting. He blinked. If the plastic sheets had been white, they would look like ghosts. Then he realized every ghost he'd ever heard about, seen either in movies or in his head, were transparent. The plastic sheets seemed like ghosts surrounding him.

"Don't live with ghosts, Gibbs. Live for now."

Was he hallucinating or did he actually hear Shannon's voice?

"It's okay. Let go."

He realized that no, he wasn’t hearing her voice from outside himself. It was inside his head but he felt Shannon's presence as strong as if she was in the room. He could feel her warmth just like it was when she was alive. He could feel her emotions. She seemed happy, almost excited. "Love him, Gibbs. You deserve it."

"Shannon?" he whispered.

"I love you. Let go."

His eyes burned as new tears streamed down his face. He blinked them away and in a rush of motion, he grabbed the nearest plastic sheet off the armchair where Shannon used to nurse Kelly and picked it up. Dust started flying and he coughed as he sucked in a bit of the dust-polluted air. He slowed down, carefully pulling the sheet off and carried it out the front door. The breeze kicked up more dust and he saw the layers of grime that accumulated over the years. He coughed again, and went back in the room and opened the windows before he carefully grabbed the plastic sheet off the dresser, careful not to knock over Shannon's stuff that still sat on it. He took that outside, and then went back and removed the rest of the plastic. He grabbed a garbage bag and with one sweep of his arm, everything that was on the dresser went into the bag. The perfume bottle with crystallized perfume, the dried out deodorant, the old, now-brittle hair combs and barrettes, all of it he swept in the trash bag. He emptied each drawer of all her stuff, old and yellowed with time. If Shannon were alive, she'd have head slapped him for keeping all that junk.

"No more living with ghosts," he said quietly to the room. He paused for a moment and he felt a rush of emotion as he sensed Shannon's approval. He swept a hand across his eyes as he turned and stepped to the closet door. He opened it slowly and frowned at the clothes still inside. The air movement rustled the clothes slightly and he could hear how dried out they were. None of this stuff would be useable by anyone. He should've got rid of all this years ago, knowing even as he had the thought, he wouldn't have been able to go through with it. He grabbed a handful, hangers and all, and thrust it into the trash bag. It wasn't long before the bag was stuffed full. Gibbs took it outside before going to get another one and repeating the process until everything in the closet except Shannon's grandmother's quilt was gone. Gibbs smiled remembering Shannon's face at their wedding reception when they opened that particular gift. She'd hugged her grandmother for a long time. The quilt was hand-made and had told them she'd started it when Shannon had started dating Gibbs because she knew he was the one for his granddaughter. Shannon had treasured that quilt all her life. Gibbs decided that come winter, he would put it on the bed. Somehow, he knew Tony wouldn't mind.

He grabbed the furniture polish and polished the furniture until it gleamed. He still loved the lemon scent of furniture polish Shannon had used. She refused any other kind and he still bought it to this day. Afterward, he vacuumed and was satisfied when the room was as clean as he felt he could make it.

He stood there and studied the bed. It was a standard-sized double bed, typical of the 1980s. He and Shannon fit together on it but he wasn't sure he and Tony would. They would probably need a queen bed, or even a king. They were both tall and broad-shouldered men even though they were lean and fit. Gibbs knew how much he loved to stretch out in bed. King it was, he decided, doubting Tony would object.

The room wasn't big enough for a king bed, it would barely fit a queen. He knew they were going to move anyway so maybe he would keep that furniture here and sell it with the house. It was still in good shape despite its age.

Gibbs opened the dresser drawers to make sure they weren't dried out and falling apart. Nope, still solid, and definitely not that cheap particle board that so much furniture was made out of now. When he and Tony moved in together wherever they ended up, he would build new furniture for them. New chest of drawers, new dresser, new bedside tables, and new headboard. Maybe Tony would even help him build them. He knew Tony wasn't much for working with his hands in a manual labor sense, but even if he didn't want to help with the actual building, he might be willing to keep him company like he used to while he did it.

He thought about Tony sitting on his basement steps watching him work on his old boat. He missed those days but he was ready to leave his basement and really live. Building things with Tony, for him, for them, that was different. He'd build shelves for Tony's DVDs, watch movies with him, show him in a million ways he could think of how much he cared. Tony deserved that. Maybe he even deserved that.

He went outside and took care of the plastic sheets he'd set out there, dumping them in the garbage can for trash pickup. He truly was sweeping the ghosts aside. Deep inside, he could still feel Shannon and her approval of the way he was thinking radiated through him. This is what she and Kelly had been trying to tell him all along.

Have good days, Daddy! He could almost hear her say and new tears wet his eyes.

"I will, baby," he murmured the endearment he used for his daughter. He could still hear Kelly. "Daaaaaddyyyyy, I'm not a baby anymore! I'm 6!" or "I'm 7!" or "I'm 8 now!" as the years passed. He couldn't help but laugh. The way she drew out his name in exasperation, the indignation in which she stated her age as if he should know she was not a baby anymore. The way he would scoop her up in his arms, hold her close and say, "No matter what, you’ll always be my baby." And she would wrap her hands around his neck and hug him back.

Another tear streamed down his face and yet he was still smiling. That was a nice change. He hadn't expected to be able to smile as he thought about Kelly but now…it didn't hurt quite the same way anymore. He swallowed hard and felt the lump in his throat. It may not hurt the same way, but the lump he always got in his throat when he thought of her, he knew somehow that would never go away.

He took a deep breath and let the voices of his memories fade to a whisper in the background. For a moment he thought about getting out the bourbon but he hadn't had any in a while. He hadn't had any when he was regularly taking the pain killers and with Tony, they'd had a few beers a few times but no liquor at all. He thought he'd miss it but he didn't. Memories also didn't hurt the same way they had so he didn't feel any need to dull anything. He smiled a little at the thought. It was nice to be to the point where he could visit his memories and not feel the need to drown them at the bottom of a bottle.

He'd been ready for a change himself and that meant letting go of the crutches that held him back before: the basement, bourbon, even the job. All the long hours, incessant demands, exacting standards, the never-ending red tape and paperwork, all of which he took on and forced his team to take on just to avoid the act of living.

He’d held himself back for a long time, but an image of his team came to mind. He'd held Tony back, and Tim, even Ziva. He thought about Ziva briefly. She had severed all her connections with her life in the United States, even with him. He spoke to her right after Tony had returned from Israel, and that was the last time. He'd seen in the last year she was at NCIS that she, too, wanted a change, but something had kept her there. At first, he thought it had been Tony because he thought there was something between them. Now, in light of what Tony had shared with him, he saw it a little differently. Maybe she had been reluctant to leave because of him. He had demanded so much of his team. Maybe she was afraid he'd be angry if she had demanded something for herself? He would probably never know.

His thoughts drifted to Abby and her unfailing loyalty toward him, her unconditional love and acceptance of anything he did. For a long time, he reveled in that from her because he hoped that was how his daughter would have always seen him - as her incorruptible hero. Even when she unearthed the evidence that proved he was Pedro Hernandez's murderer, she had never wavered, never questioned it. Simply asked him what he wanted her to do. Her loyalty was never in question.

God, he didn't deserve her. Abby was the most amazing woman he had ever known, flaws and all. He would never deny she had them, but he was no saint himself and he couldn't chastise her faults in light of his own. He was so much worse and yet she and Tony loved him so much. He didn't know why or how and he was pretty sure he didn't deserve them for even an instant, yet there they were.

Ducky was right but not 100% right. Instead of her doing things for him, he should be doing things for her. He should show her how much he appreciated her and that went beyond Caf-Pow, kisses on the forehead and cheek and helping her with the occasional Habitat for Humanity project. He had to think of something big to do for her to show her how much he cared and loved her back. She deserved that. She loved the little things too but there hadn't been that many big things and he wanted to do something big for her. Maybe at some point he could talk to Tony about that. Maybe he would have some ideas and suggestions.

And Tony…Tony deserved everything…big gestures, small ones, medium-sized ones. All of them.

He closed his eyes as he remembered Tony's reluctance to leave yesterday and a pang banged against his heart and he felt a stab of physical pain. Not nearly as bad as the pain that ripped through him during his panic attack yesterday but something deep, achy, more painful in an entirely different way.

He took a deep breath, closed his eyes for a moment, feeling the quiet of his surroundings. After a moment, he grinned and opened his eyes, realized he still stood next to the trash cans in his garage. He turned and headed to the house and closed the door behind him. He stripped off his dirty clothes, dusty from dealing with his bedroom and threw them in the hamper he kept beside the washer. He took a shower and scrubbed all the dust and grime from the past off of him. He washed every inch of his body and watched the dirty water go down the drain.

As he toweled off, he felt lighter and happier than he'd felt in a long time. He got dressed, packed an overnight bag in case he needed it, grabbed his keys, wallet, and gun and headed out the door.


	7. Chapter 7

Gibbs was relieved to see that Tony's car was in the parking lot of his building and he pulled into the spot beside him, knowing that each apartment was allotted two parking spots. Gibbs forced himself to slow to a walk as he took the elevator upstairs and he could smell Tony's marinara sauce as soon as he got off the elevator. He wondered if all his neighbors drooled all over their apartments every time he made it and laughed at his own visual. His mouth already watered. He swallowed as rang the doorbell.

When Tony opened the door, he looked startled to see Gibbs there but smiled and stepped aside to let him in.

"Jet, what are you-?"

Tony didn't get to finish the question because as soon as the door was closed, Gibbs was in his space kissing him deeply, pulling Tony close to him, feeling the living, breathing, solid body in his arms. Tony kissed him back hungrily, holding him tightly and pressing against him. Gibbs turned them and pushed Tony up against his own door, his hands cushioning his head as he ran his fingers through his hair. Tony had gotten a haircut, noting the shorter strands. He kissed him until Tony gasped for breath and Gibbs let his lips trail down his chin to his neck.

"J-Jethro?" Tony breathed, even as he held Gibbs' head to his neck. "What's going on?"

Slowly, Gibbs regained a little bit of control and he still held Tony but he dialed back his ardor a little. He took a deep breath. "I missed you."

Tony's smile lit up his face. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Couldn't wait another minute."

"I thought you would want some alone time."

"Had more than enough. Couldn't stop thinking about being with you." Okay, that wasn't entirely true, but it was true enough. He knew he would tell Tony the rest in time.

Tony's smile was still shy. "Let me go stir the sauce, will be right back." Tony gave him a quick kiss and disengaged himself. As Tony walked into the kitchen, Gibbs stared at his back and a prick of conscience jabbed him. What if Tony had been content to be alone to cook and do his own thing? Maybe he shouldn't have come over. He cursed himself for not thinking about what Tony might need.

Tony returned a moment later and invited Gibbs to sit.

Instead, Gibbs reached out automatically to pull him close. "You okay with me being here? I should've called."

Tony looked up at him again and Gibbs could see the happiness in his eyes. "I missed you too, but thought you'd want some space, time to work on the boat."

Gibbs shivered a little at the memory of his time with the boat earlier. "Don't want the damn boat, just wanted you."

Tony groaned and the sound went straight to Gibbs' cock. He claimed Tony's lips in a deep kiss, taking full control of it as his tongue met Tony's and it wasn't until they both needed air Gibbs reluctantly released him.

Tony took a deep breath. "I'm glad you're here. I was really scared we wouldn't get back what we had in North Carolina."

Gibbs heard the fear, the longing, the desperation in his tone and realized he wasn't the only one who felt needy. Knowing Tony was needy too, something shifted inside of him and seemed to snap in place that he didn't even know was off-kilter. He kissed him again, claiming him, felt Tony claim him in return. Tony's hold tightened and it was all Gibbs could do to not drag him to his bedroom.

"Easy, I'm not going anywhere," Gibbs whispered when he needed to breathe. He opened his eyes and met Tony's gaze. "I'm here."

Tony stared deep in his eyes and Gibbs saw his concern a second before Tony said, "Your eyes are bloodshot. Have you…were you…what's wrong? What happened?"

Gibbs was silent for a long moment as he gathered his thoughts. He reminded himself for the thousandth time that he couldn't do things the way he did before or he'd lose him the way he lost all the others. He thought briefly of Diane and where that had led earlier. "Ghosts happened, Tony. I just…I need life. I feel alive when I'm around you. I can't live the way I did before. I can't…stand to be in my house alone right now. I...want to be with you."


	8. Chapter 8

Tony looked dumbstruck. After a moment, a tear filled his eye and he blinked it away, only to be replaced by another. It wouldn't be contained this time though and streamed down Tony's face. As Gibbs stared into his eyes, Tony reached up and wiped tears that Gibbs didn't even realize had seeped from his eyes.

"I never thought I'd ever hear you say anything like that. Do you know how much it means to me that you said that?" Tony whispered.

Gibbs didn't know how to respond. He had made a lifetime habit out of not showing his vulnerabilities, but he trusted the man in front of him in a way he'd never trusted anyone ever, not even Shannon, if he was honest with himself. He swallowed hard.

"Wait here, okay?" Tony whispered and placed a light kiss on Gibbs' lips before he withdrew to go back to the kitchen. Gibbs shifted his position so he could see into the kitchen. Tony turned off the burner and moved the pot of sauce to another burner and put the lid on it. He then came in the room and took Gibbs' hand and led him to the bedroom. As Tony pushed open the door, he saw the curtains stirring with the breeze and knew the window was open. He could smell furniture polish, the same lemon-scented one he used. That was when he saw the bed. The single bed Tony had slept in for so long was gone and a king-sized bed stood in its spot, making the once huge room seem smaller. He knew Tony must have slept with Zoe in that bed, but in that moment he didn't care. Zoe had been good for Tony and he would not begrudge her presence in Tony's life. He'd liked her better than any other woman Tony had ever been with that he knew of and he watched as Tony pulled the curtain closed but kept the window open for fresh air.

Tony turned back to him and immediately grasped the bottom edges of his shirt and pulled it upward. Gibbs obeyed the unspoken command and lifted his arms so Tony could pull his shirt off. Tony then pulled his own shirt off. He reached for the button of Gibbs jeans and stood there while Tony unbuttoned, unzipped and pushed his pants down. Gibbs then reached over and pulled down Tony's sweatpants. They each kicked them off at the same time, their eyes never leaving the other. Gibbs stepped in Tony's space and brought an arm around him, pulling him close, loving the sinewy feel of muscle under his warm skin. Gibbs stepped forward, forcing Tony to step back toward the bed and Tony sank down on it pulling Gibbs with him. Tony tried to reach around to pull his boxers off but Gibbs caught his hands with his own and held them still in his.

"Lay down on your back," Gibbs whispered, the order sounding more like a caress. Tony swallowed hard but did as he was told. Gibbs pulled off his boxer briefs and joined Tony on the bed. He crawled up between his legs. He set both hands on Tony's belly and then swept them upward to his shoulders and back down. Tony arched into the touch and let his hands sweep over every inch of his body, even over the calluses of his hands. When Gibbs kissed him again, Tony clung to him, his own hands sweeping every spot on Gibbs' body he could reach. Gibbs savored the touch and he hardened. He loved how Tony's hands felt on his body.

He extended his body upward and lay over Tony's body and kissed him. "You feel so good," he murmured when they paused for breath.

"So do you," Tony gasped, his eyes glazed with desire. "God, you're driving me crazy."

"Good," Gibbs whispered. "I want to drive you crazy. Love how you want me. Want you to always want me."

"I…do. Touch me."

Gibbs sat up and his hands swept over Tony's chest and a fingertip traced a nipple and Tony arched again. "So sensitive," he teased. He then leaned in and traced it with his tongue.

"Do you know what you do to me?" Gibbs whispered against his chest, not expecting an answer, letting his lips graze along Tony's chest. He smelled herbs and spices and faintly of the soap Tony liked to use. It filled Gibbs with a sense of comfort, rightness in his world. His fingers continued to play with his nipples, tweaking lightly between his fingertips.

"Tell…me," Tony whispered, pleasure in his voice and face.

Gibbs smiled. He should've known Tony would hear him. He hesitated a moment and decided he wouldn't hold back. Not now, not like this. "You make me feel passionate, playful, possessive.” He paused to run his tongue around Tony’s nipple again, his eyes never leaving his face. “Should just keep you in bed forever.” Gibbs stuck his tongue out and licked up his upper chest and neck as if to punctuate his words.

"Oh fuck!" Tony gasped, his lips finding Gibbs and kissing him deep and wet, his hands running over his scalp and through his hair, as if to possess him and Gibbs groaned at the feeling. Tony's possession gave him a head rush. Tony arched into him again and their cocks brushed together and Gibbs pressed down, creating a delicious friction that made Tony cry out into his mouth. Gibbs broke the kiss to nibble down his jaw and neck, loved how Tony always held his head to his neck and how he shivered.

Gibbs loved how responsive he was. His hand grazed down his side to his hip and held him as he kissed lower down his chest and belly. He felt Tony suck in a breath as he realized where he was going and Gibbs swept both hands over his torso and belly as he kissed lower. "I want you to come for me," Gibbs said loud enough for Tony to hear clearly before taking Tony into his mouth, his tongue circled the head and over the shaft. He pinched both Tony's nipples at the same time and Tony arched with a jolt and a cry and Gibbs sucked hard, thinking about how much he loved it when Tony did this for him. Every touch, every caress evoked a response that drove him crazy.

"Gi-Jethro!" Tony shouted. "God, please, more."

Gibbs took him as deep inside as he could, and Tony’s cock hit the back of his throat. Gibbs pinched his nipples again hard as he bobbed over him and then Tony was coming, his cry of pleasure filling his ears, shaking with the force of his orgasm and Gibbs closed his eyes, taking it all in. The taste was bitter and salty but somehow that only seemed to make his cock ache more as he drew out Tony's pleasure as long as he could, evoking as many aftershocks as he could. He slowly licked him clean, letting his tongue brush every inch, smiling when Tony was jolted by aftershocks. Tony's panting breaths seemed loud in the quiet room and Gibbs looked up at him. His chest heaved as he caught his breath and the ecstasy in his face made Gibbs' heart swell and his cock ache just a little more though the aching wasn't like what he felt the first time they'd been together. It wasn't about his release, it was all about Tony. He could wait for his pleasure. He'd needed to make Tony come. Nothing else seemed important compared to that. Slowly, he nuzzled and licked and kissed his way up Tony's body, the taste of the man's essence on his tongue, and ran his hand over his skin, loving that his hand glided through the sheen of sweat on his body. He felt invincible knowing he could make Tony feel good. He caressed down Tony's flank and rested his hand on his outer thigh, letting his fingers graze over his skin, loving how his skin felt.

Slowly, Tony's breathing slowed and Gibbs waited him out, not caring if he fell asleep. He held him close and caressed him, content to lay there.

"Wow," Tony breathed, opening his eyes and looking up at the man holding him and smiled. "That was incredible."

Gibbs smiled. "Good," he murmured, looking at Tony's neck and decided he needed to be kissed right there and leaned in to kiss him. Tony shivered against him.

"Feel like jello," Tony admitted in a soft voice.

Gibbs looked into his face to see him smiling that sexy smile of a man who got lucky. Gibbs loved that smile. It made him look years younger, no masks, just honest pleasure and satisfaction. "Want you to always feel like that."

"Knock it off or I'm going to feel like a girl," Tony teased, emphasizing the girl in a tone of disdain.

"Don't look like a girl to me. I don't like my girls this hairy," he teased, running his fingers through Tony's chest hair.

"More like a monkey," Tony joked.

Gibbs took Tony's hand and set it on his own hairy chest. "That's us, a pair of monkeys."

They both laughed and then Tony pulled Gibbs down to kiss him.

"I think it's your turn," Tony murmured when the kiss ended.

"No rush," Gibbs said quietly. "Just wanted to…"

"Shh, I know. I want to make you feel as good as you made me feel."

"Already do," Gibbs whispered.

"God, when you say things like that." Gibbs smiled and Tony turned serious. "I'm not kidding. You don't even know how hot that is. You really are quiet the rest of the time because if you talked, everyone would just want to drag you to bed and keep you there."

Gibbs laughed but his blush belied the humor. "Only with you. Gotta make it count," Gibbs murmured against Tony's lips as Tony stole another kiss. He groaned against Tony's lips. God but the man could kiss.

"I never thought you could be like this," Tony whispered, not looking Gibbs in the eye, but he was clearly in awe.

"Like what?"

"Like this. I never was able to imagine you being in love with someone."

Gibbs looked at him curiously. "That's something you thought about?"

Tony blushed a little. "Well, it's …you've been married so many times. Always wondered how you convinced them to marry you when at work you were so…well, the way you were. It was a mystery."

"And you're all about solving mysteries."

"Never expected to solve this one."

"You're the only one I could've ever let solve it."

Tony kissed him again, taking possession of his mouth and pouring all the passion he felt in it. A moment later, Tony rolled them over so that Gibbs now lay on his back and Tony shifted over him and took his hands in his and placed them on either side of his head, holding them as they kissed.

Gibbs gasped at the emotions behind Tony's kiss. Tony had always come across as carefree and nonchalant about the pleasures of sex but here he was being sensual and emotional and passionate and possessive of him.

This was what Tony was holding back, Gibbs realized. Right now, Tony controlled the kiss, and he was happy to let him. If Tony felt even half the desire Gibbs felt, he was the lucky one. He felt one of his hands being released and his hand immediately felt colder only to have the warmth cover his cock. He arched into it, unable to resist the stimulation.

"Stay still," Tony murmured against his lips when he pulled back releasing his cock and his other hand. Gibbs lay still as requested and closed his eyes. He heard Tony open the drawer of his bedside table. He then heard the click of a bottle opening. He opened his eyes to see Tony pouring some lube in his hand. Tony smiled as he closed his hand around the lube in his hand and set the bottle back on the table. Tony maintained eye contact as he reached down and took Gibbs' cock in his lube-covered hand. Gibbs' eyes fell closed again as the warm slick sensation around his cock made him throb with need.

Tony's hand glided up and down his cock and his fingers stroked over every inch, his fingertips circling around the shaft and head. Tony's other hand joined in and wrapped around the base and Gibbs moaned.

"Keep your eyes open," he ordered, surprising Gibbs with it. Tony had never maintained eye contact for long in the past, but now, he stared deep in his eyes. Gibbs stared back, seeing with his own eyes how much Tony enjoyed doing what he was doing. The satisfied gleam in his eyes, the emotions swirling that Gibbs was too lost to identify. God, he'd never felt like this. His muscles tightened involuntarily as the pleasure intensified. Tony's big, slick hands were like liquid heat over his cock.

Gibbs' head fell back and his eyes closed, no longer able to keep from doing so. Everything else faded away except for him and Tony and the memory of Tony's cries of pleasure filled him. "Harder," Gibbs begged, and felt Tony's grip tighten. He thrust in Tony's slick fist holding back the orgasm as long as he could. His body was wound so tight his hips came off the bed.

"Come for me," Tony ordered.

Gibbs didn't want it to end. It was too much knowing Tony was doing this for him. It felt so good to be wanted as much as he wanted. Those talented hands stroking him just so…

"Come on, Jet, give in," Tony urged, his hand stroking faster and his grip tightening a little more. Then, he stroked the fingers of his other hand over his balls. The pleasure built deep. The first wave was the most intense as sensation rocked his body and he cried out as his body released. It seemed to go on and on as Tony milked every last drop from him.

Tony never stopped stroking him through his orgasm and only stopped when Gibbs grabbed Tony's wrist to still his hand, now too sensitive to handle any more. Gibbs' whole body relaxed as he sank into the mattress, completely spent. Tony kept his hand on Gibbs' cock as it softened until Gibbs exhaled a huff of air as he tried to get his breathing back to normal. His body tingled with expended pleasure.

"I'll be right back," Tony said softly, his voice full of promise. Without touching the bed with his lube-covered hands, he got up. Gibbs smiled as he watched Tony head toward the bathroom and a moment later, he heard water running. He let himself drift in the post-orgasm haze and realized he hadn't even heard Tony re-enter the room when he felt the warm, damp washcloth gently cleaning him up. He groaned again and opened his eyes and watched. Tony was carefully and softly dabbing the washcloth over him, wiping away the semen and lube with careful strokes and a gentle touch. He had an intense look of concentration as if nothing else in the world mattered. Gibbs blinked as he watched. No one had ever done that for him before and the tenderness behind it meant more than anything sexual that preceded it. When Tony seemed satisfied that he was as clean as he could get him, he returned to the bathroom. Gibbs heard the water running again and heard him wring out the washcloth and a moment later he returned and settled beside him.

Gibbs immediately rolled over and pulled Tony close. He kissed him deeply, letting his hands wander, caressing every inch of him. Tony returned the caresses and Gibbs didn't stop as his lips grazed over his face and neck.

"Jethro?" Tony questioned.

"Hmm?" Gibbs squeezed Tony's ass as he found a spot on his neck he wanted to kiss.

"Uh…not that I'm not enjoying this, but I don't think I'm going to get hard again, at least not for a while."

"So?"

"It just seemed like you were trying to get me going again."

Gibbs chuckled. "Nope."

"Then…why?" Tony gasped as Gibbs kissed his shoulder and his hand stroked over his opposite arm.

"Because this isn't about just getting off," Gibbs shifted his position and his lips and tongue caressed over Tony's hip bone savoring the shiver that it evoked.

"But…"

"Don't like it?" Gibbs stopped and looked into his eyes.

"No, no. I do like it. I just…I mean, I've never had anyone do that before."

"Then lay back and enjoy it."

"But…"

"I'm not going to get hard for a while either."

The volume of Tony's voice dropped exponentially as he whispered a soft, "Oh," in response. Gibbs glanced up at him and Tony's eyes met his. Those beautiful green eyes were clouded with confusion and Gibbs kissed back up his body until they were face to face. "Do you want me to stop?" Gibbs asked, making sure to modulate his voice so he didn't sound disappointed. Right now most of what he felt was concern.

"No, I didn't mean it that way. Just more used to sex being the last thing. Wasn't expecting this." Tony smiled a little self-deprecatingly as he finished his explanation.

"Yeah, me too. Just want to do things different with you. Better."

"Who knew Leroy Jethro Gibbs was romantic?" Tony murmured as he let his body relax and his head settle into his pillow. He placed a hand on Gibbs' neck and pulled him close to kiss him and Gibbs stretched out beside him.

"You tell anyone that and I'll head slap you into next week, Anthony."

Tony laughed. "Nuh uh, your secret is safe with me…as long as you don't tell anyone how much I like it."

"Yeah?" Gibbs asked, partly because he was uncertain that was true after Tony's reaction and partly because he wanted Tony to open up more.

"Not used to being wooed. Used to having to do it all. This is…nice."

Gibbs suddenly remembered his vow to always make Tony feel loved. "Let's see if I can make it nicer," he whispered before stroking his stubbled chin across Tony's cheek and neck, leaving open-mouthed kisses in a path along the way. Tony craned his neck as far as it would go to give him all the access he wanted.

He knew the moment Tony fully relaxed. When he kissed his way to his mouth, Tony opened for him immediately and let Gibbs have full control of the kiss. He felt Tony's arms wrap around him and he groaned into Tony's mouth. He loved the feeling of his arms around him like this. Gibbs shifted and their legs tangled together and they were chest to chest, belly to belly, thigh to thigh and Tony's arms wrapped around him, holding him tight made heat spread through his body. He was the one laying over Tony's body but he felt completely covered. It felt all consuming and he relaxed into it.

Tony gasped in his mouth and Gibbs pulled away, so lost in the sensation that he forgot to breathe. He released Tony's mouth and let him catch his breath, as he gazed into his eyes.

"I wish you could see your face right now," Tony whispered when he had caught his breath and stared back at him. "I've never seen you look like that before. Can't believe it's because of me you look like that."

"Never felt like this before," he admitted and smiled.

"Ever?" Tony questioned as though he found that hard to believe.

"Ever," Gibbs confirmed. "You?"

Tony shook his head. "Never felt so warm without blankets before. Almost can't tell where I end and you begin."

Gibbs hummed low in his throat in approval. "When you say things like that, it makes me want to keep you in bed," Gibbs spoke in his ear before licking a trail diagonally down his neck.

Tony's body jerked in response and Gibbs withdrew with a start, concern furrowing his brow.

Tony breathed hard and blinked, as surprised as Gibbs was. "Holy shit! That was…intense," Tony finally managed. "Lick that spot again."

More slowly, Gibbs licked the same trail again. When he reached the midpoint of his neck under and slightly behind his earlobe, Tony jerked again.

Gibbs chuckled. "I think I found a hot spot you didn't know you had."

"Love having my neck kissed, just didn't know that spot."

Gibbs paid more attention to it until he grasped it lightly with his teeth and Tony gasped. "Oh God, don't leave a mark that high. I have to go to work on Monday."

Gibbs chuckled and went back to whispering kisses along his neck and shoulders. He remembered what happened with Ducky earlier and for a moment he felt a little guilty because he hadn't given Ducky hardly any thought since. He sighed but settled down with Tony and didn't say any more though he let the tips of his fingers continue to caress over his skin.

Tony shifted his position and he used his hands and lips to explore Gibbs' chest looking for where he was sensitive and responsive. Gibbs relaxed and let himself enjoy Tony's attention. He noticed the same focus and concentration Tony had when he cleaned him earlier.

Tony's ministrations soon had him squirming and he started to understand exactly what Tony meant. No one had ever paid so much attention to his body and never this much specifically to his chest. Gibbs closed his eyes and focused on the way Tony kissed him and realized that Tony was being careful to love on every little bit of it, as though he could kiss it all away. It was still tender to touch but he had no idea how much it was because no one had ever touched him like this. With his kisses, Tony wasn't just loving on his body, he was trying to heal it.

A moment later, he felt wetness on his chest and he opened his eyes to see that Tony was quietly crying even as he continued to kiss him. Gibbs shifted up in bed enough Tony stopped and seemed reluctant to meet his eyes.

"Tony?"

"Was all my fault. I left you to face him alone. That damn phone call. He was baiting me, trying to get me to react but all along he was distracting me because he knew…he knew what was going to happen. I fell for it. That whole shitty fucked up mess. I was such a sucker."

"Hey…hey," Gibbs whispered, pulling Tony close until he cradled Tony's head in his arm and Tony's head rested against his shoulder. "Not your fault. I don't blame you. It was broad daylight in a crowded market. Nobody saw that coming. If you had been there, he might've shot you too and where would we be now?" Gibbs paused and Tony didn't answer. "Hmm? Where would we be now if you had been there? What if he had shot you? We might've both died. You saved my life, Tony. You got me to the ship."

"I could've pushed you out of the way, I could've shot him."

"No," Gibbs said quietly, shaking his head with the word. "He was a kid. You never could've shot him."

"To save you, I would." Tony's voice was measured and determined.

"I wouldn't have wanted you to. You know that."

Tony huffed. "I should've known back when I pulled you from the Potomac that I loved you. I was such an idiot!"

"No, Anthony. You're not an idiot. Neither one of us…we just didn't know. Maybe we weren't ready back then."

Gibbs felt Tony's breath against his neck as he let out air in a hot rush. "Yeah, maybe."

"Doesn't matter. We're here now. Now is what matters."

Tony lay quietly against him and Gibbs felt the tension in his body. He let his fingers idly stroke Tony's hair for a while, knowing he liked that. Hoping he could somehow soothe and settle him. Despite his tension, something else snapped in place in Gibbs' heart. He wasn't the only one having a hard time from what happened with Luke. He knew Tony carried guilt, but he hadn't seen Tony show any emotion except anger before. Now, the pain of it was coming out. Tony never let anyone see his pain, but here together, not only were they showing it, they were sharing it.

After a while, Tony's body relaxed and settled against Gibbs more comfortably. "I have never felt like this before," Tony admitted, clearly awed.

Gibbs stroked his shoulder and shifted so he could look into Tony's face. Tony looked up at him when he did. His eyes were dry again and he trembled a little.

"Tell me," Gibbs whispered. "Tell me what you feel."

Tony blushed. "It's kind of embarrassing. I don't want to sound like a girl." He dipped his head in his neck with his eyes cast downward so Gibbs couldn't look into him.

"Definitely no girls here, just us monkeys."

Tony laughed against Gibbs' shoulder and he looked up again, light back in his eyes. Gibbs smiled back at him, glad he was able to lighten things a little bit. That seemed to be what Tony needed and he relaxed again.

"Happy," Tony finally said. "I feel happy. I mean, it's still a little…I don't know, weird maybe. A bit surreal, but it's good. Good weird. I just…I never expected another guy to make me feel like this, and for that guy to be you…that's huge. It's mind-blowing. It's…amazing," he finally trailed off with the word and sank back, some of his weight sinking into Gibbs' arm and some into his pillow.

"Know exactly how you feel," Gibbs said, leaning down and kissing Tony's forehead.

"Yeah?" Tony questioned, looking amused.

"Yep."

They lay there quietly for a moment until a low growl filled the space around him. Gibbs glanced down at Tony's stomach in amusement.

Tony chuckled. "Okay, I guess exactly how I feel right now is hungry. How about you?"

Gibbs stilled and focused on his body and nodded. "I could eat," he allowed.

"Come on, you can help me finish off the last of that lunch meat from NC. There's enough for two. I know not much of a date dinner but…I really hate wasting food."

Gibbs smiled. He felt the same way.

"Come on, I'll make you a sandwich." Tony winked at him with a smirk. Gibbs chuckled and reached for his clothes thinking a sandwich with Tony beat take-out all by himself.


	9. Chapter 9

After they ate their sandwiches, supplemented with chips, they sat on the couch, slouched down with their heads resting against the back staring at a movie on the screen, their thighs touching, Gibbs’ hand resting on Tony’s thigh, Tony’s hand resting on his own thigh, his fingers touching Gibbs’. Gibbs wasn’t really paying attention to the movie. Tony was idly watching, but given the way Tony was yawning, he wasn’t sure quite how much attention he paid it. They were quiet as they watched, but when it was over, Tony stood up and stretched, then walked over to the DVD player to eject the disc and carefully put it back in its case. Gibbs took the opportunity to admire the view. When Tony turned around after putting the case back up, he saw Gibbs’ look of admiration and smiled.

“Like what you see?”

“You know I do,” he said his eyes never wavering. “You look damn good, always have.”

Tony grinned. “So do you," Tony said, admiration in his voice.

Gibbs didn't see it when he looked in the mirror but if Tony wanted to compliment him, he wasn't going to steal his thunder. Tony was the one who really looked good. "You're the one who gets all the eyes on you when we go places together."

Tony blushed. "I do?" Tony thought back, then shrugged. "When was this?"

"Every time."

"Oh," Tony said with an air of confusion. "I didn't even think about it."

"I know. That's damn sexy on you."

"It is?"

"Oh, yeah. Good looking guy like you being admired by everyone and the only person you notice is who you're with? That's sexy as hell."

Tony smiled. "Guess that explains all the hickeys you left on me."

Gibbs smiled. "Damn right." The topic reminded him of Ducky and another pang hit him square in his chest and his head fell back.

"What?" Tony asked, concerned. "What's wrong?"

"Reminded me that Ducky is pissed at me."

"What?! Why?"

Gibbs relayed what happened with Ducky.

"Crap, I never thought about that."

"Well, no, we had other things on our minds."

"Yeah, we were totally in the moment, didn't think about anything else. We should've thought about our friends. They care about us."

"Yeah, I know. He seemed to think I swam in the ocean and that was why he wanted to check it out."

"Yeah, I never told them about being allowed to use Doug’s place or anything about it. I was afraid if I did, Abby would want to go down there and I didn't feel comfortable bringing her there. It wasn't that I thought she'd do anything, but it's just, it's Doug's and his wife's and their kids' place. And Abby is so high energy, I didn't think she'd last very long without getting restless and bored and you know how she is when she's restless and bored."

"Yeah," Gibbs agreed. His thoughts threatened to turn melancholy and he knew he had to steer the conversation away, at least for now.

"Maybe you should tell Ducky sooner. Explain why you didn't want to show him your chest. He was pretty pissed about not knowing about Shannon and Kelly. If you don't tell him about this, he might get even more pissed."

"I want him to be the first person to know but I don't want anyone to know until my retirement is taken care of. I want this to stay secret at least long enough for my retirement to be official unless your promotion goes through first."

"You sound confident I'll get promoted."

"You should've been promoted years ago."

"I had offers."

"I know you did and I should've encouraged you to accept one of them. I was a selfish bastard who held you back because I needed you."

"You did?"

"Never wanted to do the job without you. I could've, I did when I had to but I hated it. Those months you were on that damn ship - worst fucking months of my life since…" he trailed off and pain filled his eyes briefly. "Since Shannon," he finished with a sigh. "You're not the only one who should've known before how you felt. Never looked too close."

Tony leaned in closer and kissed him. It was a loving kiss, not passionate. "You don't know how much that means to me that you say that. All along I've thought I was just being stupid for not having seen it sooner."

Gibbs shook his head. "We were idiots." Gibbs took a deep breath and sighed. "I know I'm ready now, wasn't then. So…no more holding back on me, okay?"

Tony stared a minute. "How did-"

Gibbs gave Tony a look that said, Oh, please. I know you.

"But you let me get away with it."

"Not gonna demand you open up if you're not ready to. Can't order you to. Then it's not a relationship. It's me demanding you do what I want."

"Oh, you're still demanding," Tony said with a smile. "But not like how you are at work."

"How am I demanding?" Gibbs felt indignant though he tried not to sound that way. He’d been sure he'd been treating him as an equal, and the implication that he hadn’t stung

Tony laughed. "Oh it's nothing overt, really. It's the way you look at the coffee cups, or the coffeemaker. It's the way you kiss me, demanding I give you everything back. That's not a bad thing, it's just possessive, and it turns me on. I like that kind of demanding. It's a lot more understated than you used to be at work, but still present."

Gibbs sighed and his shoulders slumped a little. "I really want to do this right. I don't want to be the same bastard you worked with all these years. You deserve better than that."

Tony's eyes lit up and he smiled. "I appreciate that." Tony said, and though he was smiling, his voice took on a serious quality. "I just don't expect you to change who you are. I know you're a powerful, passionate guy who wants everything but you're patient enough to let things happen naturally...well, most of the time. But," Tony said, dragging the word out and his smile morphed into a lascivious grin. "But sometimes it's nice to see the guy I've known all these years. Passionate, demanding and knowing he'll get what he wants because who would dare say no to Leroy Jethro Gibbs?"

Gibbs couldn't help but smirk back at the expression on Tony's face. "Sounds like a sexual fantasy."

"Maybe," he said, dragging the word out like he did the word 'but.' "I might've had a few of those, too." He winked.

Gibbs laughed. "Yeah?"

"Oh, yeah."

Gibbs snorted. "Looking forward to hearing about them."

"What about you?"

Gibbs smirked and saw the opening he was looking for. "I had a lot of time to think about what I want to do with you and to you."

Tony chuckled and then his chuckle stopped abruptly and he set the disc case down. "A lot of time? Exactly...how long have you been thinking about this...about us?"

Gibbs smiled a little and beckoned Tony over with his hand to sit back down. Tony sat curling one leg under him as he turned toward Gibbs.

"Most of the time I was laid up. Part of being so pissed off was that I was fighting it. I didn't want to think about you because you were with Zoe and it was stupid. I tried to let it go but it wouldn't go. It just seemed that the harder I fought it, the thoughts and feelings persisted, and I finally just accepted it and let it happen in my head. I knew it was stupid and pointless because you were with Zoe but I couldn't completely give up the hope."

"Well, with my track record, it probably wasn't a stretch."

"It was because you were actually trying with her. I'd never known you to try with anyone before."

"At first, when she came back in my life, I thought she might be the one, ya know? We have history, I thought it was fate. She's probably the smartest woman I've ever been in a relationship with. She really cared about me like no other woman ever had." Tony smiled a little. "I didn't tell you this before but she was really sad when she broke up with me. It hurt her to do it but she said she couldn't bear to settle being second best and she thought, based on what I told her about you, that I was the best for you even if I had to smack you upside the head to see it." Tony grinned.

"Gonna have to send her flowers or something," Gibbs said.

"She likes carnations."

Gibbs grabbed his phone and glasses and scrolled through his contact list.

"What are you doing?" Tony asked, curiosity in his face and voice.

Gibbs smirked as he chose a contact and put the phone to his ear. "Sandy?...It's Gibbs. How ya doing?"

He was quiet a moment as he listened. "That's great. Glad to hear it." Tony gave him a questioning look and Gibbs held up his hand as if to say wait. "I need carnations…" Gibbs chuckled. "No, for a friend...a good friend, to say thank you."

The silence was longer this time but Tony was grinning and he got up to write something down and handed the paper to Gibbs. Gibbs smiled when he read it.

"Pink means gratitude? Yeah, go with pink and white. Yeah, that's fine. A glass vase. Hate those plastic pieces of junk." More silence. "How many will the vase hold?"

Tony's jaw dropped.

"Okay, go with a dozen then. When can you deliver them?" Gibbs waited. "No rush, when you can get them in. Tomorrow is fine." Gibbs pulled his wallet out of his pocket and got his credit card out and gave her the information along with Zoe's address. "Uh, put on the card, 'Thanks. Sign it Gibbs." Gibbs listened. "Yeah, she'll know." He put his card and wallet away when he was done. "Thanks, Sandy. Yeah, I know. I'm good. I will. Thanks a lot!"

Tony looked amused when Gibbs hung up and put his phone away. "So you keep a florist in your contact list?"

"Yeah. Never know when you're going to need one. Sandy is a friend. Known her for years."

"She keep you out of the dog house when you were married?"

Gibbs chuckled. "Actually, yeah. Met her when I was with Stephanie, otherwise the marriage probably wouldn't have lasted a full year."

"Ouch."

Gibbs shrugged. "Sandy swears I kept her afloat long enough to get her business established and thriving. She gives me a discount now."

"How many times did you buy flowers?"

"About twice a month...I probably shouldn't be telling you this."

"Why?"

"Don't want to give you an excuse to leave."

Tony snorted. "If I haven't left by now…" He grinned and thought for a moment, then his smile faded. "Your wives really didn't get you, did they?"

"No, not really. I didn't really get them either."

"I get you."

Gibbs smiled and reached an arm out and pulled him in an embrace. "I get you, too...well, most of the time."

"Most of the time?"

"Well, sometimes when you and Abby get together, it's like you're speaking a foreign language."

"Now you know how I feel when you two do ASL."

"I can teach you that...if you want."

"Yeah?"

"Sure."

Tony nodded. "Okay, just don't tell Abby because she signs so fast I don't think I'd be able to keep up."

Gibbs laughed and part of the afternoon was spent teaching Tony the basics of ASL and sometimes going off on tangents talking about other things. It reminded Gibbs a lot of how they spent their time on vacation without the ocean view. He felt content as he helped Tony in the kitchen with their dinner and they talked about the upcoming week when Tony returned to work tomorrow.

They fell quiet when Tony prepped the vegetables for salad and sliced bread since Tony wasn't quite as good as he wished he was and wanted to focus on the knife so he wouldn't slice his fingers open. Gibbs thought about the times he was home on leave when he would help Shannon with dinner just to spend time with her. The memory was bittersweet and his eyes burned and he blinked away tears before they could really start. For the first time since Shannon died, he felt happy. This was what he'd been aching for but didn't want to admit it all these years. He wanted the simple pleasures of spending time with the one he loved, even if it was just doing chores together or even just sitting around and doing nothing.

An image of Shannon swam in front of his vision and he smiled a little and blinked a tear away. He could see her smiling at him as the vision of her faded. Gibbs sat up as Tony finished slicing bread and he looked up to see Gibbs smiling. He smiled back. No words were spoken and Tony offered Gibbs a slice of bread and pushed the butter dish toward him. Gibbs accepted it and buttered his bread and Tony turned to the stove to check on the sauce.

Gibbs ate his bread and realized what he felt now wasn't the same contentment he'd felt with Shannon. He'd never feel that again, but the contentment he felt in that moment was somehow better...deeper than what he'd had with Shannon. With all the time he spent on leave, he and Shannon weren't close the way he and Tony were. All those years working together in life and death situations, they had the bond of partners in every sense of the word now. It was different, but a good different.


	10. Chapter 10

The nice thing about Sunday was that both of them were content to just be there together but didn't actually talk much. Tony went for a run, finished his laundry, did a crossword puzzle, watched a movie, and had leftovers for dinner. Gibbs did his exercises and looked through Tony's extensive book collection and found something to read, and later cleaned up after dinner. It had just been a quiet, relaxing day together and Gibbs loved every moment of it. It reminded him of what he shared with Shannon before Kelly was born and on the days after when Kelly would quietly play with her toys (and sometimes not so quietly), color, or be up in her room playing, or outside playing with either Shannon or him keeping an eye on her.

He sighed deeply as he tried not to go down Memory Lane too much. He knew in the coming week, he was going to clean out her room while Tony was at work. It needed to be done and he would do it, but it was going to hurt like hell. Mostly, he focused on Tony. When Tony wasn't up and around and doing something, which was most of the day, Tony sat beside him watching TV. At one point Tony lay down with his head in Gibbs' lap and Gibbs ran his hands through his hair. It was restful.

Gibbs was almost sorry when Monday morning arrived but got up and made coffee while Tony took a shower. He thought about all the things he'd have to do to prepare the house for the market. He had taken good care of it over the years but the electricity in some of the rooms needed updating and that was the big project needed. He'd call an electrician for that. He knew a few things about electricity but he wasn't confident he could rewire a house and some things you just had to call the professionals for.

The carpets upstairs were old and fraying in places and would need to be ripped out. He had noticed a few loose boards on the porch that needed to be replaced. He figured he could work on things while Tony was at work and maybe Tony could help him with some of the other stuff.

He had his travel mug almost half empty when Tony came into the kitchen dressed for work and he reached for his coffee and took a long sip just trusting that Gibbs made it right for him. He smiled as he set the cup back down. "Thanks, I needed that."

Gibbs snorted.

"Sorry, didn't think to pick up anything for breakfast. I usually get something on the way to work."

"Not hungry yet anyway."

"You sure? I can buy you something."

Gibbs smiled. "S'okay, Tony. I'll eat later."

"I hope to talk to Vance today but I don't know if I will get to," Tony said before he took another sip.

"Okay."

"You coming to the office today?"

"Nah, going to call Vance tell him I'm retiring and then call HR."

"Not going to deliver the news in person, eh?"

"No."

"Going back to being taciturn, huh?"

"Never stopped being."

Tony snorted. "With me you've talked more in two weeks than I've heard you talk in 15 years."

Gibbs knew that was true. He'd been 'chatty' for him but he'd never been so glad he had. Now, he had love in his life, and so far, it was better than any relationship he'd had since Shannon. He felt good. He'd forgotten what happy felt like. His days were good.

"You coming over tonight after work?" Gibbs asked.

"Yeah. You want me to bring anything?"

"Just you. Thought we could have steak if that sounds all right."

Tony's face lit up. "I've missed your cowboy steaks." Tony stepped up to him and slid a hand around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. "The weekend with you was great. I'm sorry it's over."

"Past two weeks were great."

Tony's lips smiled and he closed his eyes, savoring the moment. "The things you say. You truly make me want to just drag you to bed and keep you there."

"Just the truth." It was so easy to make him happy. Just took a few simple words and/or actions. Gibbs was an action kind of guy, but he was finding that words went a long way, too. He'd always thought words were empty but speaking from the heart meant something. For him, he'd talked himself almost hoarse over the past two weeks compared to how little he normally spoke but it had been worth it. Seeing Tony look at him like that was not something he'd ever expected to want. Nothing like a bullet in his chest to make him look at his life and see what really counted. And what really counted was the man standing in front of him.

"Get going, see you tonight."

Tony half-smirked. "On it, Boss."

Gibbs cringed. Tony had slipped and either called him Boss or nearly called him Boss a few times over the last two weeks but mostly he remembered to call him Jet or Jethro. He knew the response had been automatic as he was so used to receiving orders. "I can't wait for you to break that habit."

"Been calling you Boss for a lot of years. It's bound to happen sometimes."

"Sounds wrong to me now."

Tony shrugged and smiled. "I still like calling you Boss. Been doing it so long...but I like calling you Jet, too."

Gibbs smiled. "You'd better go, if you still want food."

Gibbs grabbed his bag but before he reached the door, Tony grabbed him and pulled him in for a deep, possessive kiss that made Gibbs' feel warm all over.

"See you tonight," Tony whispered when he pulled away and stroked a hand through Gibbs' hair.

"Yeah," Gibbs said, smiling at him before exited the apartment first and Tony followed and locked the door. They both waved as they turned out of the parking lot, Tony to go to work and Gibbs to go home.


	11. Chapter 11

Gibbs stopped at the diner for breakfast and more coffee and endured the pleasant ribbing from his favorite server, then went to the store knowing it wouldn't be too busy this early in the morning and he bought enough stuff to fill his fridge, freezer and cupboards. He wanted food in the house for when Tony was over. He thought about how grocery shopping had been with Tony in North Carolina and the memory warmed him as he filled the shopping cart with the stuff he knew Tony liked and the stuff he liked.

When Gibbs got home he wasn't surprised to see Cyril Taft's car sitting in his driveway. He got out of the car when Gibbs parked.

"Hey, Gibbs," Cyril greeted him as Gibbs pulled his overnight bag from the backseat.

"Cyril," Gibbs said with a nod.

"Thought you got home Friday."

"I did."

"Came by Saturday afternoon and you weren't home. Came by last evening and you still weren't home."

Gibbs shrugged. "I'm here now."

"You okay?"

"Yeah."

"You enjoy the vacation?"

"Yeah."

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah."

"You gonna say anything besides yeah all day?"

"Yeah."

Cyril laughed. "You're a funny guy, Gibbs."

"Yeah," Gibbs agreed but grinned a little.

"Holy crap, what'd you do? Buy the entire store?" he asked as Gibbs opened the trunk full of groceries.

"About," Gibbs said. "You gonna stand there all day or are you gonna help me carry them in?"

Cyril rolled his eyes but grabbed a few bags. "You must be a bear to work for. I don't know how Tony, Tim and Ellie have put up with you so long."

"They're a lot tougher than you."

"Probably," Cyril affably agreed. "But…Wow, you have vegetables in here!" Cyril announced as he set the bags down and glanced over at the bags in Gibbs' hand as he set them down.

Gibbs rolled his eyes.

Cyril pointed at the vegetables. "Gibbs, that's real food."

"Steak is real food!"

"Ah, you got that too. At least you're eating something besides steak now. Did Tony teach you about food groups?"

Gibbs ignored him as he walked back outside to get more and Cyril helped him. As Gibbs put away the perishable food, he glanced up at Cyril as the other man emptied bags with him. "Why are you here?"

"I can't come over just to see my favorite patient?"

Gibbs rolled his eyes. "You don't like me that much."

"I actually do like you, Gibbs, but yes, I have a reason for being here."

"You gonna stand there all day or are you going to tell me?"

"Maybe both."

"Get to the point."

"Wow! Vacation didn't change your attitude even a little."

Gibbs turned and glared. Actually, his attitude had changed a whole lot, he just still didn't have the patience for people who couldn't just get to the point. One of the reasons he liked Tony so well was because Tony knew he would tolerate so much and then he would get to the point because he knew Gibbs wouldn't tolerate beyond.

"Okay, okay," Cyril said with a sigh. "I got a phone call from Ducky yesterday morning. I don't know how you do it, Gibbs. Ducky is one of the most mild-mannered men I've ever met and you managed to piss him off. He's scary when he's pissed."

"Yeah," Gibbs agreed partly because it made him laugh to do it, not that he was going to show Cyril that yet, but also because he wanted to acknowledge that he knew Ducky was pissed and he intended to fix it.

"So, I was wondering…will you let me examine your chest wound so I can ease his mind?"

"Yeah," Gibbs said and headed toward the bathroom, indicating that Cyril should follow. He took off his shirt and stood there under the bright overhead light of the bathroom and patiently waited for Cyril to examine him.

"Looks good. Healed well. Your color is good too. You got some sun." Cyril palpated the wound site and asked about pain.

"Tender, but not bad. Doesn't hurt if you don't press on it."

"Noted. I think in another week I can clear you for desk duty."

Gibbs put his shirt back on but didn't respond.

"I thought you'd be happy about that."

Gibbs shrugged. "Gonna retire," he finally said.

"Damn, Gibbs. Didn't see that coming, the first weeks you were growling about going back to work."

"And you said my attitude hadn't changed."

"Does that have anything to do with why you didn't let Ducky examine you?"

Gibbs looked up then and met Cyril's gaze. "That's between Duck and me."

Cyril looked a little surprised. "Okay then," he said. Gibbs walked back to the kitchen to finish putting the groceries away. Cyril stood in the doorway out of the way.

"If you want to make yourself useful, make coffee," Gibbs said.

Cyril snorted. "You sure know how to make a guy feel welcome, Gibbs."

"Heads up," Gibbs said and tossed the coffee can and Cyril caught it.

They were silent a moment as Cyril made coffee and Gibbs finished his chore. Gibbs took down two mugs, inspected them for dust, rinsed them off and set them on the counter.

"Don't you have to go to work today?" Gibbs asked as he poured coffee for them after it finished brewing.

"Nah, I take Monday mornings off now, just stay late on Tuesdays. Helps my staff get the work week off to a good start without having to worry about what I'm doing."

Gibbs snorted. "When are you going asea again?"

"Next month, I think. You're healed well enough now that I feel comfortable leaving you for weeks at a time."

"Didn't have to stick around here for me," Gibbs said before drinking down half his coffee.

"Yeah, I did actually. You nearly died on my operating table. I was worried about you."

"I'm fine."

"I can see that. You seem less angry now than I've seen you since I met you. Did you swallow your stupid pride and apologize to Tony?"

"Yeah," Gibbs said again but suppressed the smile.

"Really?" At Gibbs nod, Cyril smiled. "Did he accept it?"

"Yeah." Gibbs thought about it leaving it at that but decided Cyril deserved a little better than that. "He and I are good now."

"You know he cares about you a lot, right?"

Gibbs sighed. "Yeah. I know."

"Do you care about him?"

Gibbs' icy glare could've frozen fire.

"Easy, Marine," Cyril said with a smile. "You stayed angry at him so long I wondered."

"You think I'd go on vacation with him if I didn't?" Gibbs bit out.

"Didn't it strike you as odd that he invited you on vacation? You're supposed to go on vacation to get away from your coworkers."

"I told you we're friends."

"Oh sure, I get that, but you usually don't go on vacations with friends. You usually go with significant others."

"He and Zoe broke up." He took another sip of his coffee. "He said he didn't want to go alone."

"Most guys would seek female companionship."

"Who said he didn't?" Gibbs had a sense where Cyril might be going with this line of commentary and he wasn't ready to open that can of worms, at least not quite yet.

"What about you? Did you seek female companionship too?"

Gibbs glared again.

Cyril grinned. "None of my business, got it."

Gibbs stopped glaring, drained the rest of his coffee and got up to pour another cup. He hated to admit it but he liked Cyril, more than he let on. Cyril was more tactful usually, but he was still a straight shooter and he was learning how to manage him. He was no Tony in that respect, but he could hold his own. He reminded himself yet again that he was letting people in and this man did save him in more ways than one. He actually owed Cyril for saving his relationship with Tony because he'd forced him to pull his head out of his ass before he lost Tony forever. Still, he wasn't going to talk about his sex life with anyone except Tony.

"You're moving better, pain is better then?"

"About 1 to 2 out of 10," Gibbs admitted. "Was 4 after the long drive home."

"That's a significant improvement."

"Was relaxing."

"Glad to hear it." Cyril stood up. "It seems like you actually had a good time."

Gibbs nodded. "I really did. It…helped."

Cyril smiled warmly. "Glad to hear that, Gibbs. It's been rough the last few months though I think you brought a lot of that on yourself."

"Yeah," Gibbs said. "Thanks."

"For what?"

"Everything," Gibbs said with all the sincerity he could muster.

"You're welcome," Cyril said quietly. "All right, Gibbs. Thanks for the coffee even if I had to make it. I'm heading out. Mind if I stop in next Monday morning?"

"Call first. I might be busy."

Cyril snorted. "Take it easy, Gibbs."

Gibbs saluted him and he left. He grabbed his phone and called Vance.

"Hey Gibbs, how are you doing?" Vance said when he answered the phone.

"Doing good. I'm going to retire."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Gibbs said, smirking a little to himself. That seemed to be the word of the day. Tony would be amused. "What do I need to do?"

"Nothing yet. I'll let HR know so they can get the paperwork going. They'll contact you when they need you to fill in what they can't and sign them. How was your vacation?"

"Great."

Vance snorted. "Why Gibbs, that's almost chatty. You feeling better?"

"Yeah," Gibbs said again. "Let me know when the paperwork is ready." He hung up. That was as sociable as he was going to be right now. He had things to do.

He knew cleaning out Kelly's room was going to be the hardest part so he kept that for last. He cleaned out the spare room. He had old clothes in there he didn't use anymore and he went through them. There actually wasn't that much in there since he didn't really buy a lot of material things. He bought new clothes when he needed them, wore his old clothes until they were wore out and realized he'd neglected the task for a while, especially in light of his recent injuries. He stripped the bed and carefully lifted the mattress gauging his pain level as he did. The chest wound ached a little but it wasn't too bad and he carefully inspected the springs and frowned. They had fatigued over time and sleeping on this thing wouldn't be comfortable anymore. It needed to go. He knew the bed in Kelly's room would also need to go so he held off on calling a recycling center. He figured the bed in his bedroom would need to go as well. That's when he realized he never tested the bed in his and Shannon's bedroom. The lack of use over the years may have dried out the mattress the way it had Shannon's old clothes. He went downstairs and opened the door. The air was just starting to be a little stale from being closed up the last couple of days and he went in and sat down on the bed, then laid down. He heard a slight crunching sound and sighed. Dried out. The mattress would break down fast. That was going to go too.

He ran his hands down his face. He should've done this a long time ago. Why hadn't he done all this a long time ago? Could he really use the job as an excuse for not dealing with his ghosts? Deep down, he knew the answer was yes. He let them stop him from living. He knew better than anyone that facing the pain gets you through it faster then avoiding it but he'd been avoiding this since he died. Given, in Mexico, he had faced more of it and he had reached a point where he could let his team in a little more than before, but when he returned from Mexico, he never faced the ghosts living in his house. He closed them up, locked them in a room and walked away.

Now that he promised Kelly he would have good days again, he knew he had to exorcise those ghosts. Losing Kelly was always going to hurt like hell. He sensed she knew that but just didn't want him to be miserable about everything. Shannon wanted him to be happy too. He realized that's what they always wanted for him. It was only now that he felt he could let it happen. He'd found someone worth letting go of the past for. The fact that Tony acknowledged and cared about his pain over his girls made all the difference in the world. Tony wouldn't make him shut them out. He thought about the quilt again. He looked forward to showing it to Tony. It was old-fashioned, hand-made, and colorful, made out of scraps of Shannon's childhood clothes, blankets, and other materials that Shannon had loved. Gibbs had also been pleased to see the material of one of his flannel shirts that had wore out that Shannon's grandmother had procured from his father. He thought Tony would love it.


	12. Chapter 12

That evening around six, Tony finally stepped in the house. Gibbs was sitting in the living room and had stacks of books on the table and a box on the floor that had a dozen books in it. He looked up when Tony stepped in the living room and did a double take. Tony looked tired and troubled and it instantly set Gibbs' gut roiling.

Tony looked around. "We're alone, right?"

"Yeah." He wanted to smirk at the use of yeah, but seeing Tony's face, he wasn't sure Tony would yet see the humor in it so he left it off. "You okay?"

“I had a very long day," Tony said with a long sigh. He sat down on the couch and leaned back. "Ow!" he instantly sat up and turned feeling the back of the couch. "You got a spring poking out."

Gibbs felt where Tony's hand just was. "Dammit. Didn't know it was. You okay?" He said reaching to Tony's back and rubbing it.

"I'm fine. No damage, just felt it."

Couch is going too, he added to his mental list of all the furniture being disposed off. "You hungry?" Gibbs had started the fire in the fireplace but he wasn't sure when Tony would arrive so he hadn't started the steaks.

"Yeah," Tony said with a weary grin.

Gibbs reached over and squeezed his shoulder before getting up and going to the kitchen. He came out with two wrapped baking potatoes and set them in the fireplace. "We'll eat at the table," he said looking at the mess of books on the coffee table.

"Whatcha doin'?" Tony asked with a head jerk toward the coffee table.

"Cleaning out old junk. Donating the books I don't want to read again to the public library."

"Good idea. I need to do that too."

"What's wrong?" Gibbs said, concerned over Tony's lack of cheer.

"Well, it was an interesting day, to say the least."

"How so? You talk to Vance?"

"Yeah, actually. Turns out he wanted to see me first thing. He had uh…some interesting news. I am now officially team-less."

Gibbs' eyes grew wide. "What?!"

"Remember I told you that Ellie and Tim were helping another team catch a terrorist?"

Gibbs nodded.

"Well, apparently not only did they catch a terrorist but were instrumental in shutting down the whole damn cell."

Gibbs looked surprised but pleased. "Wow! Tim didn't mention that on Friday."

"Did Abby let anyone get a word in edgewise?" Tony asked with a smirk.

Gibbs snorted. "No, not really, not until Ducky showed up."

Tony gave him the look that said, 'And there's my point!' before he continued. "Yeah, it got SecNav's attention. She offered them spots on a task force that focuses solely on terrorism. It comes with a hefty pay raise, better hours most of the time except when an op is being carried out and a higher clearance than ours. They both accepted the offer."

Gibbs thought about it a moment and then he smiled the smile of a supervisor who was proud of his team. "So that leaves you without a team since I'm still off."

"Yeah."

"Couldn't have happened at a better time."

"No, actually, it's the worst possible time."

Gibbs looked over at Tony in surprise. "How? With both of us leaving, how could it not be good timing?"

"Abigail Sciuto. She's taking Tim and Ellie leaving very hard. She kept going on about how glad she was that you and I were still there."

Gibbs closed his eyes. He should've thought of that, but really, he was happy for Tim and Ellie and thought Abby should've been too. "Are they staying in DC?"

"I have no idea. I wasn't able to get all the details. I only saw Ellie and Tim for a few minutes before a Feebie showed up to whisk them away to the Hoover Building. Apparently, this task force is headed by the FBI but have representatives in all the major alphabets so Tim and Ellie will still be employed by NCIS. That's about all I was able to find out. Apparently, this task force is high up in the hierarchy. Need to know."

Gibbs nodded. "Good for them though. Really."

"Yeah. I'm so damn proud of both of them."

"Me too."

"You should tell them that, Jet. Do you know how good that would make them both feel if you did? They deserve to know."

"I plan to tell them."

Tony smiled and some of the weariness evaporated.

"So what else?"

"After he told me as much as he could about Tim and Ellie, I told him that I didn't want to chase terrorists anymore. Apparently, he's pushing for all the teams in all the different areas to be trained in handling terrorism since they're infiltrating almost every aspect of illegal activities. He basically said there was nowhere he could put me that wouldn't require some work on terrorism at some point. He said that left me two choices, continue on as I had or resign. He did say that he didn't want me to resign though."

Sensing Tony wasn't done yet, Gibbs let him continue uninterrupted.

"So, I mentioned a third option and told him about the review board and how I had been offered the option of retiring with a full pension after I survived the plague and that Brad thought I would need prophylactic antibiotics from now on after getting pneumonia last year. Jet, I swear when I said that, it was like a light bulb going on over his head. You remember the old cartoons, right? Well, it was just like that. He asked me if I still had trouble with my lungs even now and I mentioned that my chest feels a little tight after coming back to DC after being in North Carolina. He ordered me to make an appointment with Brad, have a chest x-ray or whatever tests I needed that could show that I was still affected by the plague and that he would push for the review board to approve my retirement with full pension and benefits."

Gibbs heard the excitement in Tony's voice and he felt a bubble of excitement well up in him as well.

Tony continued. "I called Brad's office and he told them to have me come in today and he would squeeze me in. At the exam, he was concerned about the tightness I felt and while he thought it might just be the air pollution, he wanted me to have a chest CT instead of just an x-ray. Spent most of the afternoon at Bethesda getting that. He put a rush on it and he already has the results. There's progression of the scarring that happened after my bout of pneumonia. Brad not only recommended I retire, but he said moving away from here is probably the best thing I could do for myself. He said he would draft a letter and send it to NCIS. I talked to Vance before I came over and he said he would push for it to happen sooner rather than later so the paperwork for the pension could go through. I'm retiring, too. He told me you had called earlier and said you were retiring. He has HR working on that, too."

Tony ran his hands down his face. "The whole team breaking up at once and you and I leaving permanently is going to be hard for Abby to deal with. You know she doesn't like change. If it was just you and me but Ellie and Tim would still be there, she'd at least have some support. With all of us going our separate ways, I really don't think she's going to cope well."

Gibbs thought about it. Abby was sensitive. She had a huge heart but also a big brain. She didn't like change. She loved her makeshift little family at NCIS, and they loved her. That said, for the first time in a long time, she actually had a steady boyfriend in Burt, a guy Gibbs had done a deep background check on and who Gibbs approved of for her. Abby spent a lot of her nonworking hours volunteering for various charities and was very active in her church. Only her work life had remained mostly constant, the only upheavals besides the varied cases were when Kate was killed, Ziva returned to Israel and Gibbs getting blown up. Gibbs realized then that was the turning point. Abby got clingy to their little family, and to him in particular, after he left them. He ran his hands down his face as he remembered her cuffing him to her, afraid he would leave again. Every day for two weeks after that, she had made him promise he was not going back to Mexico. He sighed.

"If your lungs are feeling tight, we need to move as soon as possible. I don't want your lungs getting any worse. Want you around a long time, Anthony."

"I know. Me too. Just afraid I'm going to have respiratory problems as I get older."

"All the more reason to leave. Do you have any idea where you want to go?"

"South, obviously, but no idea where. I haven't had time to really research and think about it."

Gibbs nodded, got up, grabbed a fork and stabbed the potatoes cooking in the fireplace. "Almost done," he said turning them. He went back in the kitchen and returned with the steaks and put them on the fire staying with them while they cooked.

They ate in companionable silence and Tony seemed to feel better afterward as he washed the dishes and Gibbs went back to sorting the books. Tony sat down in the chair near the couch and Gibbs pointed to where his modem was set up by the chair. Tony chuckled and reached for his bag and pulled out his laptop.

"Didn't know you had a computer, Jet."

"Laptop. McGee set it all up for me so I wouldn't be so isolated while I recovered."

"He never told me he did that for you." Tony sounded indignant.

"Asked him not to tell anyone. Didn't want to let on I knew more about computers than I let on lest Vance make me sit through technical seminars."

Tony chuckled. "I was always surprised that your proclaimed ignorance didn't make him send you to basic ones."

"He tried. I just didn't go."

Tony laughed and connected his laptop to the internet. They both sat companionably for a while as Tony did research.

"You know, I better update my resume too," Tony said aloud thoughtfully. "I know I don't need to work if I'm getting a pension, but I like to keep busy or I'll go crazy and drive you crazy with me. I probably won't look for something right away, but it can't hurt to keep it up-to-date in case opportunity knocks."

"Do that. Put me down as a reference."

"Gotcha, Boss. Oh! We're going to have to get personal cell phones. Won't have the work phones much longer."

"Yeah, true. Will do that tomorrow."

Tony nodded and they fell back in companionable silence except for the TV on in the background, Tony periodically tapping at his keys and Gibbs sorting through the books. A sense of peace fell over Gibbs. This was…nice. It was good. He liked that they could just sit together like this doing their own thing but be near each other. He glanced over at Tony. He had a small smirk on his face as his eyes seemed focused on reading something on the screen. Gibbs smiled a little and went back to what he was doing. Tony seemed content, too. Something in Gibbs' heart lightened and he smiled at Tony.

After a moment Tony glanced up and did a double take. The warm smile Gibbs received in return made him forget everything else in that moment and he reminded himself once again that he was a lucky man.


	13. Chapter 13

On Thursday morning, Gibbs stood outside Kelly's bedroom door staring at it, lump hard in his throat, cleaning tote in hand, prepared for what he was about to do, but for a moment he froze, not sure he would be able to go through with it, knew this was going to hurt like hell. He thought about Tony's offer to help him but there was no way he could let Tony step in this room. Even if it was only half as dusty as Shannon's and his bedroom was, Tony would be hacking up a lung and he couldn't put him through that.

Gibbs wanted to do this, needed to do it, and had to do it. He couldn't sell the house until he did, and they needed to do that sooner rather than later. He idly wondered if he would be sober when Tony got home.

Home, he thought. He closed his eyes and thought about Tony. Tony was home. Didn't matter if they weren't at his house or Tony's apartment. Wherever Tony was...that was home. For some reason, that shored him up and he was able to open the door...the door to the past...the door to his daughter's life.

The sun was shining in the window and he could see dust flying around, disturbed by the door opening. Gibbs coughed as he breathed the stale, musty air. Without stopping to think, he walked through the room to the window and opened it, stirring up more dust. He coughed hard and the fresh air rushing in on the breeze almost immediately made the room more bearable.

He turned to the other window in the room and opened it. He stood there and stared out into the back yard and for a moment the view became blurry. He looked out at the spot that once held Kelly's swing set. God, she'd loved that. She played on it every day it wasn't raining and sometimes even when it was. Kelly hated the swing sets at school because they weren't as good as the one at home. He'd built that swing set for his daughter. It had a deep base, the sturdiest chains he could find and good, sturdy seats so she could still sit on it when she was in her teens. He'd sat out there with her many an afternoon just listening to her tell him about anything and everything that popped in her head. Sometimes, it would be funny stories she made up off the top of her head. Sometimes, she'd tell him about school, sometimes she'd tell him what her stuffed animals and dolls were up to. Sometimes she'd tell him about her worries that he wouldn't come home.

One of the first things he'd done when he got home right after they died was tear down that swingset. Seeing it sitting out there so forlorn and empty was just too much. He only vaguely remembered crying, screaming at God for taking his girls away from him as he did so. He vaguely remembered seeing a few of his neighbors standing by watching as he did that. He'd barely registered their presence at the time, no longer caring what anyone thought of anything he said or did, but later he remembered seeing some of them crying as they watched. Their pain was his pain. He was still friendly with those neighbors who were still around, but they never spoke of Shannon and Kelly again and neither did he. He briefly thought of old Mrs. Stephens, who used to live down the street. She hadn't been able to have kids of her own and she adored the children in the neighborhood, and had often baked cookies to share with her neighbors, and especially the children. She was always happy to babysit, and the kids all loved her. Kelly said she made the best peanut butter cookies EVER. When Gibbs had come home that first time after their deaths, Mrs. Stephens had shown up and she had tearfully told him she had loved both of them so much, and if he ever needed anything, all he had to do was say the word. She'd hugged him tightly for a moment and then took her leave, knowing he'd want to be alone. She'd died four years ago and he'd went to her funeral, and he remembered how kind she'd been to his wife and daughter, and he'd made a large donation in her name for cancer research, though he never told anyone about that.

Kelly always asked Shannon to make peanut butter cookies. She adored them even more than chocolate chip cookies. They always reminded her...and them...of Mrs. Stephens. Gibbs had been sure it was because of her that Kelly loved pretty clothes. Mrs. Stephens had always dressed nicely.

Gibbs swallowed a lump in his throat. Words would never adequately express how much he missed her. Despite the lump, or maybe because of it, a tear seeped out of his eye and he had to move away from the window. His emotions were so raw, so deep, he sometimes wondered how he could contain them.

He turned away from the window and watched the dust float around again. "Tony, I'm glad you're not here to breathe this," Gibbs murmured aloud to himself. He made a mental note to vacuum the hallway later. He looked around the room at the plastic sheets. They looked worse than the ones that had been in his bedroom. Not wanting to track dust and grime through the house to take them downstairs, Gibbs pried the screen off the window and looked down to the driveway below. They'd land harmlessly on the ground and he would gather them up later. He closed the door to the bedroom to keep as much dust contained as possible and set to work removing them one by one and dropping them out the window. Gibbs sneezed occasionally as he worked but soon the dusty coverings were gone and the air quality felt much better. Much like with his old bedroom, everything in the room went in garbage bags, nothing left that would be usable by anyone. Some of Kelly's stuffed toys even fell apart when he picked them up. He tried not to think about the memories attached to those old toys. He remembered the names Kelly gave some of them and his eyes watered as he remembered her playing with them in this room and in the living room, how she hugged them when she didn't feel well.

Her clothes were still folded in the dresser as they had been the day she died. More tears streamed down his face as he heard the fabric crinkle in his hands and he picked piles of underwear, socks, shirts and pants and threw them into a bag, not dwelling on them too long lest he lose it completely.

Cleaning out the closet was harder. Her nicer clothes were in there and he remembered Shannon lovingly ironing her dresses and skirts. Kelly loved pretty clothes. He looked at the dust-covered pinks, reds and purples in the closet and a rush of memories made him grasp the doorframe to keep from sinking. How was it possible to miss a person so damn much?

"Kelly, time for bed," he heard Shannon call from downstairs.

"Aww, mommy, can't I stay up just a little longer? Please! Daddy's home!"

"Kelly…" Shannon had drawn out her name with the warning tone intended to remind her that they'd talked about this. Gibbs smiled a little at the thought. Shannon was good at setting limits and discipline and not letting Kelly walk all over them, where Gibbs was inclined to spoil her because he didn't get to see her much. Shannon let him to a certain extent, but there were some things that she was firm about: bath time, bedtime, homework and chores. The only days she was less firm were when Kelly's birthdays fell on a weekend day and Christmas. Shannon would also let her stay up a little later on Gibbs' first day back from leave whenever he had it. As a result, Kelly was a very well-behaved, polite child. She was energetic, rambunctious, but she did as she was told and she wasn't bratty like so many kids he'd met since. While she was alive, Gibbs gave Shannon all the credit for how she raised their daughter, and Kelly was a joy to be around.

He sniffled, then sneezed again and that brought him out of his reverie. He pulled the toy chest out of the closet, and gave himself a minute before opening it. More dust stirred as he opened it but the contents were relatively dust-free. Gibbs recognized some of the toys that he and Shannon had given her, and some his father and Shannon's parents had given her. With a heavy sigh, he opened a new garbage bag and transferred the contents from the chest to the bag. Some of the plastic parts broke from being brittle. Others remained intact. He'd briefly considered giving the ones not broken to the shelter but in the end, he threw them all out. They were all old, some of the labels and stickers had dried and fallen off. Most of it was just unusable and his emotions were too raw to go through the rest.

Kelly didn't have a ton of toys like most kids now seemed to, he thought. Of course, they didn't have a lot of money back then either. He did remember that Kelly had played with most everything she had for a long time though. She'd loved stuffed animals to play with best though and she had more of those than other toys. He remembered her talking to them and playing with them in her room for hours.

By the time the room was cleared except for the large furniture, Gibbs had dusty tracks in his face from crying. He was covered from head to toe in dust and there were about 8 full garbage bags in the garage ready for trash pickup day. His knee hurt and was swollen, his chest ached, and he was wrung out.

He stood under the shower for much longer than he usually did. He cried some more under the hot spray, until he felt spent so that he could cope with everything else. He was grateful to be alone right now though. As much as he was letting Tony in, he really wasn't sure he could've done this with anyone else present. He would've felt too inclined to put up a front. He tried not to do that with Tony now, but old habits weren't going to change easily. He knew Tony would understand, but that didn't change his gratitude about being alone for this.

As he dried off he had to admit, he felt better, not just physically but emotionally, too. He still felt wrung out but he felt lighter than he had before he started. He thought of Kelly standing outside the bathroom door. "Hurry up, daddy! I have to GO!" she'd said sometimes to him and she would rush in before he barely had time to step out and then she'd slam the door on him.

She'd been an early riser like he was but he often beat her to the bathroom so by the time he was out of the shower, she was dancing outside the bathroom, yelling at him to hurry up. He chuckled at the thought. He'd been amused then, he was amused now.

So many memories, most of them good ones. She always missed him and clung to him when he was home, hated to see him leave out again. When he was home, he made it a point to create good memories with his family and now, he was grateful he'd had that foresight. Now that he and Tony were retiring, maybe he'd take Tony to some of the places he used to go with Shannon and Kelly. He knew Tony hadn't had a happy childhood, Tony might like to see some of those places. Gibbs smiled. He'd have to check and see if those places still existed, though that would have to wait.

Downstairs, Gibbs decided to share some soup he had in the freezer that Abby had made for him. It was a spicy soup from Louisiana, he could never remember what she called it, but it was good and she had made what seemed like gallons of it. He let it thaw and then dug out Abby's recipe for cornbread to go with it. He knew a lot of people would be surprised if they knew he could cook and bake, but he usually didn't have time with his work schedule. Still, he had to use up all the food in his house and that meant clearing out the freezer. Abby, Ellie, even Delilah, had all brought him food during his recovery so he wouldn't have to overstrain himself trying to prepare meals. They brought stuff that could be frozen and microwaved when he wanted it. Tim brought him his favorite takeout once a week and Fornell would take him to the diner at least twice a week when he wasn't working a case.

While the soup thawed and he waited for the timer to go of on the cornbread, he went into the living room and sank down in his recliner. He closed his eyes to rest them a moment and in seconds he was asleep.


	14. Chapter 14

Gibbs came awake with a start when he heard the door open. He pushed the lever that would put the footrest down and sat up in time for Tony to step in the room in his expensive suit. He looked a little tired and his gaze turned curious when he set his gaze on Gibbs.

"Did I wake you up?"

Gibbs rubbed his eyes. "Yeah, I must've dozed off." He stood up stiffly, pain in his knee made him feel old. "Gotta hit the head."

He heard the timer go off in the kitchen while he was in the bathroom and seconds later, Tony turned it off. Gibbs washed his hands and headed to the kitchen to see the pan of cornbread sitting on top of the stove and the oven turned off.

"Thanks."

"What's the cornbread for?"

"Abby's soup."

Tony's eyes went wide. "Abby's soup? You mean that spicy one? You have some?"

"Yeah. Was in the freezer. Thought we'd have it for dinner."

"I knew I loved you for a reason."

Gibbs laughed. "How was work?" he asked as he took the soup out of the fridge and dumped it in a saucepan to heat.

Tony yawned. "Exhausting. This morning, Vance told me that the paperwork was received and that it would definitely be approved and that I could start taking the rest of my leave. So, I went downstairs to tell Abby before the scuttlebutt reached her. I wanted her to hear it from me. She was upset, but she actually took it better than I expected. I told her I was moving down south and that she was welcome to come visit, and she seemed to accept that as well. Was kind of weird after how upset she was over Ellie and Tim leaving. She said she'd talked to Ducky and he had made her feel better about the changes happening and that he told her that I really should be out of the field now. So, it could've been worse."

Gibbs got out bowls and spoons while Tony talked.

"The three of us cleaned out our desks together today, and I cleaned out yours though I wasn't surprised that the only thing you had was a change of clothes in your filing cabinet. Crap, I left that bag in the car. I'll go get it."

Gibbs sat down at the table while Tony went out to his car. Tony returned with a bag of clothes and Gibbs jerked his chin over to the ironing board for him to set the bag on it.

"How'd Tim and Ellie take the news of your retirement?"

"Surprised, concerned and Tim was actually upset. He kept asking me how I was breathing and if I had a new inhaler and on and on until I threatened to take him down to the gym and beat the tar out of him." Tony chuckled a little. "McMother Hen shut up after that but man, he made it sound like I was going to die imminently. It was depressing. They're taking the rest of the week off and they will start at the Hoover building on Monday. A lot of people came over to say goodbye to all of us. Good news spreads as fast as ever."

Gibbs was glad to have missed that. "Delores cried, didn't she?"

"God! Did she ever! She hugged me like ten times. If it was anyone else she wouldn't have even blinked. She even hugged Ellie, I hadn't known Ellie buttered her up."

Gibbs laughed. "I coached her on how to get on Delores' good side. She hates me but I knew you wouldn't be around forever so I needed someone else to be on her good side."

Tony snorted. "Never did win her over after all, huh?"

"Nah, mutual dislike. Never tried."

Tony chuckled, then went into the bedroom to change.

When the soup was heated through, they ate in companionable silence. The soup was thick, spicy, full of vegetables, and had a broth that Tony was determined he was going to learn to make.

"So good!" he raved, as he took another spoonful. "Can't believe you shared this. I'm not sure I would've."

Gibbs chuckled but didn't say anything as he finished his soup.

"Abs has to give me that recipe. Oh my God, that was good!" Tony decided while they were washing up the few dishes they used. "That's the second best soup I've ever had."

"Second best?"

"Yeah. My father's housekeeper made the best but that's worthy of its own trophy. "

"You got the recipe?"

"Of course. I learned how to make it watching her."

"You're full of surprises, Tony."

"You ain't seen nothing yet!"

Gibbs paused a moment and then snorted. "Bachman Turner Overdrive."

Tony laughed. "What?"

"Bachman Turner Overdrive. The song. Not like you to quote song lyrics instead of movies."

"It was appropriate for the moment. I'm surprised you knew the band."

"Song came out in the '70s. Used to listen to music while working on cars."

Tony smiled a little at this glimpse into Gibbs' youth. "I can picture that. Grease monkey listening to the radio."

Gibbs smirked a little. "Yeah, doing laundry was a bitch back then." He chuckled at the thought.

Tony considered that a moment and frowned. "How do you get car grease out of clothes anyway?"

Gibbs snorted. "I didn't bother. I just changed into those clothes to work on them."

"So you don't know how to get stains out?"

"I do, but it was too much work."

"Jet, were you actually a lazy teenager?"

Gibbs chuckled. "Yeah. Just learned to work smarter, not harder."

"Hey! That's my line."

"Worked for me."

Tony smiled at him then and Gibbs smiled back. "How about you? Were you a lazy teenager?"

Tony blushed a little. "Uh, not exactly, I guess. I mean…boarding schools didn't really allow that. There was a lot of schoolwork, and chores, we all had to do our share. Some of the kids who were there could be lazy if their parents would pay the full tuition, but they offered a lower tuition if the boys worked around the school. Dad thought it would build character for me and he told them I was good at scrubbing toilets so they stuck with me bathroom duty. God, I hated it. Teenage boys are disgusting."

Gibbs cringed as renewed disgust for Tony's father surfaced. Tony smiled when he saw his face. "It wasn't all bad though. I mean, I got to play sports, found out I was pretty good at it. If I'd still lived at home, I probably wouldn't have been allowed to play and never known. I still like to play football and basketball whenever possible. Now that I can afford it though, there's a reason I pay someone to come once every two weeks and clean. To this day, I hate scrubbing toilets and shower stalls, even my own."

Gibbs stood up and put his arms around him and just held him, not too tight, but not loose either. Tony relaxed in his embrace and soon big arms wrapped around him. Gibbs closed his eyes, savoring the moment. He was used to hugging Tony now. It felt good, felt right for Tony to be there.

"I won't make you clean the bathroom as long as you don't get on my case over laundry," Gibbs said and gave Tony a squeeze before he tried to release him. Tony held on though, tightening his own grip. Gibbs smiled a little. "You okay?"

Tony reluctantly let go. "Sorry, just never been hugged like that before, just for comfort. It's …nice." Tony blushed.

Gibbs blinked. "Never?"

Tony shook his head.

"Your mother never hugged you?"

A grimace of pain flashed across Tony's face. "She would sometimes snuggle when she was drunk but…" Gibbs could see by Tony's expression that this wasn't a good memory. "When she was sober, she wasn't the hugging type."

Gibbs didn't like the sound of what he was hearing. "Tony, when your mother was drunk…was she…inappropriate?"

Tony shrugged. "Not exactly…I mean, she didn't molest me or anything if that's what you're thinking. She bitched a lot about dad and cried on my shoulder, and she smelled like drunk. She always told me I was a good boy for being there for her."

Gibbs muttered a curse. "You don't put that on a child!" He shook his head.

"Yeah, well she didn't really want to be a mother. I overheard her once say she was pissed when she found out she was pregnant. Apparently, her birth control failed or something."

Gibbs swore again. He'd known Tony's childhood was anything but stellar but he hadn't known his mother was almost as bad as his father.

"I have some good memories of her, Jet. It wasn't all bad...really! And I think she loved me though she wasn't one to say it."

Gibbs closed his eyes. "You think she loved you?" he deadpanned. He suddenly felt nauseous. He'd give anything...anything...to have Kelly back so he could hug her and tell her he loved her. Tony thought...thought!...his mother loved him. Senior was trying in his own way now, but he still fell very short and he could never make up for the sorry excuse that was Tony's childhood. If he had his way, he would've arranged an 'accident' for DiNozzo, Senior, but Tony was happy that his father was at least sort of trying now, so he grit his teeth and kept his mouth shut, mostly.

Tony studied Gibbs' face for a long moment. "I know it makes you mad, but my mom…well, she was who she was and I can't change that. She was a naïve, spoiled, rich girl who was conned by my dad and never wanted to admit she got played for a fool. She felt stuck and frustrated. She didn't know how to cope so she drank. It sucked for me, it hurt, but I get it."

Gibbs opened his eyes and stared in shock at the understanding in Tony's eyes. How the hell did he do that? He had so much empathy and compassion and he could look back and 'see' what his mother went through with the eyes of an adult and put himself in her shoes. Most people went through their lives choosing bitterness, regret and pain rather than looking back and putting themselves in their parents' shoes, never realizing that their parents were people like they are.

He was as guilty of it as everyone else. He'd been upset and angry at his mother for years after she committed suicide. At the time, he didn't understand how she could've done that to them, to him. It was only after he got old enough that some of his colleagues and friends were diagnosed with cancer that he could see things differently and understand.

In that moment, Gibbs understood how Tony put up with him so long. He could see past his bastard and bluster to what was really there. He stared at Tony for a long time, a wave of love and affection rushing through him and his body moved before he realized it and pulled Tony close and kissed him deeply, pouring every ounce of love he felt for him.

Tony gasped in surprise but kissed him back. Tony's lips were soft, pliable and his hand seemed to automatically go the spot on his head where he'd head-slapped him so many times, taking in the feel of the soft strands of hair. He could feel the love and care in Tony's kiss and felt hands around his waist, creeping up under his shirt. Tony's hands were warm against his back and the world was reduced to the two of them and he squeezed Tony a little tighter.


	15. Chapter 15

So lost in the kiss, neither man heard the door quietly open but the sound of something dropping to the floor with a thunk startled both men apart. They turned in the direction of the noise to see Ducky standing in the archway into the living room staring at both of them in shock, his medical bag on the floor where he dropped it.

Gibbs felt heat rise to his face. He forgot the door was still unlocked. He took a deep breath. "Duck," Gibbs said mildly.

Tony also smiled a little self-deprecatingly at Ducky and then looked over at Gibbs. "Well, we did want to tell him first."

"Not the way I intended for that to go," Gibbs said, trying for a smile. "You okay, Duck?"

"I…" For once, the eternal storyteller was speechless.

Gibbs' hand twitched. "This wasn't the way we wanted you to find out but you're the first to know and that was the plan."

Ducky blinked. "I think I need to sit down." He sounded a little weak as he picked up his medical bag and made his way to the recliner and sat on the edge.

"Ducky?" Tony asked, concern in his voice.

Ducky cleared his throat. The shocked expression had not changed. "So…you two are together?"

"Yeah."

"And no one knows?"

"Just you for now."

"Oh." Ducky looked away, his brow furrowed. Tony and Gibbs exchanged a glance.

No one seemed to move or speak for what felt like a long time. Finally, Ducky looked up again, his eyes conveyed his confusion. "I have to say, this was quite unexpected and dare I say...out of character as well. There had never been anything said or implied that either of you ever had any homosexual inclinations. In fact, I dare say you have gone to considerable lengths to show you were nothing but heterosexual in all the time I've known you both." A tone of censure crept into Ducky's voice at the end.

Gibbs sat down on the couch, avoiding the spots where the springs poked. "I don't know if I can explain it but nearly dying made me see. He's been right there all these years. I don't know if I'm gay or bi or whatever. Don't care. It's just...Tony."

Ducky frowned but didn't say anything. He turned to Tony and waited.

"Zoe figured it out. She noticed how much I talked about Gibbs. She said I spoke of him as though I was in love with him. I didn't even realize how often his name came up until she mentioned it. She thinks I missed it all this time because I never had good role models of what love was, just Hollywood's fantasy ideals."

Ducky looked thoughtful as he thought about what Tony said. "I must admit, Anthony, that is quite insightful. Is this why you two broke up?"

"Yeah. She's smart. She knew better than to stay with a man who was in love with someone else. I never expected Jethro to feel the same way about me. I never planned to tell him, but when we were in North Carolina, we talked and somehow it came up...and here we are."

Ducky looked from one man to the other. "So...neither of you have ever had...relationships or liaisons with other men?"

"No," Gibbs said softly. Tony shook his head no.

Ducky rubbed his temples and his countenance was grim. "Gentlemen, I must say that given the fact that neither of you have expressed interest or experience with men in the past, I have severe misgivings that this is a good idea. You two have been partners for many years and if…this…" He raised his arm up to indicate the two of them, "…goes afoul, not only will you lose this…intimacy, but also your friendship. Have either of you given this any consideration?"

Tony answered first. "There is no doubt about how I feel about Gibbs and have felt for a hell of a long time. He is it for me."

Ducky nodded, but his grim countenance didn't change. He looked at Gibbs and Gibbs met his gaze steadily. "Tony has been with me through everything. This feels right…more right than anything since I lost my girls."

Ducky shook his head. "This is a huge risk, especially in light of the fact that neither of you ever had a relationship with a man before and you both know your track record with women doesn't exactly work in your favors either."

"We know," Gibbs said, "but Tony is the only man I could ever have this kind of relationship with."

That seemed to stop Ducky and he sat there thinking and in the meantime, Tony sat down on the couch with Gibbs. They didn't touch, but both waited Ducky out.

"Anthony, I do not doubt your sincere feelings for Jethro. Looking back, many of your behaviors make sense now in context of this..." Ducky cleared his throat and set his gaze on Gibbs. "Jethro, I do wish I could say the same about you, but unfortunately, that's not possible. I have watched for years how you've treated Anthony. You've always enjoyed his unfailing loyalty and devotion, and have at times, taken advantage of it for your own ends."

Gibbs opened his mouth to speak but Ducky held up a hand imploring to let him finish. "Though you will not admit it, I am aware you're suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder and I question whether you nearly dying and being forced to sit idle and alone much of that time drove you to desperation to once again call upon Anthony to see you through it. I fear that in time, you'll realize you've made an awful mistake. As you have often taken delight in being a self-proclaimed bastard, I fear you will break his heart."

Gibbs closed his eyes against the hurt and anger welling up. He would never hit Ducky, but he wanted to hit something. It took several seconds for him to unclench his jaw and open his eyes again. When he spoke, his voice clipped with barely-restrained anger. "That really what you think of me, Dr. Mallard?"

Ducky inhaled audibly and held his breath for a moment and he held Gibbs' gaze. "I think the circumstances around your injury…being shot by a child you hoped to aid, and nearly dying, has left you traumatized emotionally as well as physically, and instead of seeking professional help as I have implored you to do, that instead you are reacting in a way that is familiar, comfortable and perhaps is as exciting as it is new."

A heavy silence descended on the room. Gibbs was stunned as he processed what Ducky said, a horrible feeling of numbness radiating from his brain outward as he held Ducky's gaze.

"I know that is not what you wanted to hear, Jethro, but it had to be said. I really wish you had sought professional help before getting involved with Anthony in this manner. I just cannot reconcile that you are ready for this. And Anthony, you are on the heels of having shot Daniel Budd, and I do know this investigation and its outcome took its toll on you, as well. I know you have your mens' group and your own psychologist, but I fear for your heart."

Gibbs looked over at Tony and Tony met his eyes. Gibbs could see fear and upset. He reached his hand out to Tony who took it and Gibbs squeezed his hand in as reassuring a manner as he could before letting go. He turned back to Ducky. "The other day, you got pissed at me because you claimed I was pushing away the people who cared about me. I got pissed because I felt like you and Abby were smothering me."

Ducky nodded an acknowledgement but Gibbs could see his lips purse with remembered annoyance.

"I've had a lot of time to think and reevaluate my life in the last few months and I decided I wasn't going to live my life the way I had before. You're right. Being alone too much was hard on me. I was happy to see all of you until you both couldn't talk about anything except how I was doing and even when I said I was fine and had no concerns, you still didn't believe me, like my judgment was in question."

"Jethro, I was merely concerned because you'd swam in the ocean and there's a plethora of bacteria…"

It was Gibbs' turn to hold up his hand. "I know this and I always showered after swimming to be sure the wounds stayed clean. I don't understand why you couldn't trust that I kept a watch on everything. Do you really think I want an infection?"

"Of course not, Jethro. I was just…" Ducky paused as though seeking words.

"A worrywart," Tony chimed in.

"That is one way to put it. I apologize if you felt I was questioning your ability to care for yourself, but I still don't see what that has to do with your relationship with Anthony."

"Because you questioned his ability to look out for me when you did it. Don't you think he would've called you, even behind my back if he felt necessary, if he thought my wounds were in any danger?"

Ducky opened his mouth to speak and then abruptly closed it. He blushed slightly. "I fear I did not think about it quite like that. I did not consciously intend it that way. I suppose I got so used to checking your wounds so often that I merely wanted to check again." 

"I get that," Tony said. "But Jethro is right, I would've called you if I was worried about him."

Ducky sighed. "I see. I will do my best to not 'smother you,' as you put it. However, as you know I am a friend and a doctor and sometimes I need to see things for myself to feel reassured that all is as it should be, and I would appreciate it if you would sometimes humor me."

Gibbs nodded. "As for the rest, Tony is it for me, too. PTSD or not, I'm not going to wake up one day and realize it was all a mistake. This is new for both of us, but we're taking our time and not rushing anything."

Ducky raised an eyebrow. "That moment I inadvertently interrupted implied intimacy between you much greater than a couple taking their time and not rushing anything. This intimacy is only a couple of weeks old and the passion I saw was..."

"None of your damn business," Gibbs barked, interrupting Ducky with a glare he didn't ordinarily use on Ducky, but that was something that would never be anyone's business but his and Tony's.

Ducky sighed and shook his head. "Maybe not," Ducky acknowledged softly, "but I care about both of you and do not wish to see either of you hurt. I must once again implore you to get psychological help, Jethro. Even if you do not change your mind about Anthony, it does not change the fact that you've endured a physically and emotionally traumatic experience and assistance in dealing with such matters would not go amiss. I also don't doubt that your marriages and subsequent divorces affected you negatively and if you wish to ensure your relationship with Anthony remains intact, it may be wise to seek counsel for that as well. I also feel the need to address the fact that you two have many years of interacting as superior and subordinate and that dynamic does not, in any way, translate well to a healthy romantic relationship. Anthony, you have long acquiesced to Jethro's authority, and indeed, often seemed comfortable doing so, even at times when I thought you should not have done so, perhaps more out of habit or worse, fear of what he would say or do if you did not."

Gibbs closed his eyes, but Tony's voice gained his attention. "I've already thought of that, Ducky. That's something I've been talking with my shrink about."

"I am pleased to hear that, Anthony. I worry less about you since you found someone who is able to help you with your issues."

Ducky turned back to Gibbs and the pair held each other's gaze. Gibbs cleared his throat. "You done?"

Ducky thought before answering. "I suppose for now. I truly hope this won't be something you will both regret. Since I am first to know, when do you intend to tell the others?"

"Soon," Tony said firmly.

"Then, I will keep this news to myself then so the others can hear it from you first."

"Thanks."

Gibbs didn't say anything. Now that Ducky was done (or so he said), he was processing everything they'd said and some of it was hitting home.

"Didn't know you had such a low opinion of me, Dr. Mallard," Gibbs said slowly.

Ducky sighed. "In most regards, I think very highly of you, Jethro, but I've never agreed with how you have treated your team on occasion, many occasions, to be precise. I always thought the practice of pitting your teammates against each other was deplorable. You always treated Ziva and Kate much better than you treated Timothy and you always treated Timothy better than you have Anthony, though at times your treatment of Timothy has also been deplorable. I wondered at both of them staying on your team so long but in light of this new development, I suppose that would be the reason Anthony has stayed, thus my fears over the wisdom of pursuing this relationship."

Gibbs grimaced. He remembered all the times Ducky got in his face over how he treated his team, he just never listened. He knew Tony would stand up to him when he needed it, but it took a lot to push Tony to that point. He knew it was easy to fall back into those bad habits, which was why he constantly reminded himself that Tony deserved his best. He'd expected Ducky to be shocked by this, but he hadn't thought he'd be quite so disapproving.

A heavy silence hung in the air until Tony cleared his throat. "Ducky, what was the original reason you came over?"

"Oh, yes. I spoke to Cyril Taft this afternoon. He informed me that Jethro's wounds are fine. I'd come over to speak to Jethro over his behavior the other day."

"I was pissed at you and Abby for treating me like an invalid."

"Yes, I understand that now."

"Then why did you bring your medical bag in?" Tony asked.

Gibbs looked at Tony with a frown. In that moment he couldn't get a read on him. Tony glanced over and saw upset in his eyes before Tony blinked and the moment was gone. If he'd blinked, he would've missed it.

"In case Jethro needed anything." Ducky turned to look at him. "You do have a tendency to overdo things now and then."

Gibbs glared and it felt almost good to do so.

"There's no need to glare at me, Jethro. I've had many years of being familiar with your habits."

"Well, since I treat my team so deplorably, I'm surprised that you care."

Ducky's eyes narrowed. "I have always told you exactly what I think of your behaviors, Jethro. This is not news."

"No, but you've always called me out privately before."

"Oh, did I say something Anthony was not aware of? Certainly, he's aware of how deplorably you've treated him at times."

"Come on, you guys, no need to fight," Tony cajoled. "We're all friends here, right? We've all told each other stuff we didn't want to hear at times."

"Except in the past, we didn't tell the things we knew someone didn't want to hear when there was an audience."

Tony cringed at that. "So you're pissed because Ducky told you what you didn't want to hear in front of me?"

"Yeah. He could've saved it and told me privately."

Ducky grimaced. "Perhaps I could've and should've done so, but as you and Anthony are a couple now, I felt he needed to know of my concerns as much as you did. I will not apologize for speaking of those things in front of him, Jethro. As I've often expressed to Anthony that his easy-going attitude is often admirable and concerning, you need to know that as well, Jethro." Ducky looked at Tony again. "I do hope you will not allow him to bowl you over as he has been known to do in the past."

Tony frowned, and then he crossed his arms in front of him, and his tone was less than friendly. "It actually hasn't been an issue. No one is bowling anyone over."

Gibbs got up and walked into the kitchen and started to make a lot of noise. Tony turned to see what he was doing and then he turned back to Ducky.

Ducky nodded. "I see. I can see you're both upset with me, but these things needed to be said. I do hope you will both consider carefully your actions as they could have devastating consequences. This is not something to take lightly."

"Do you really think we're taking this lightly, Ducky?" Tony asked, his frown deepening. "Actually, I doubt you've thought about it, you've been too busy lecturing us instead of listening."

Ducky cringed. "I understand you're upset with me, Anthony, but I am very worried about both of you."

Tony just shook his head. "Night, Ducky."

"Anthony…"

"Good night, Ducky," Tony repeated more firmly.

Ducky fell silent for a moment and then nodded. "Good night, Anthony."

Ducky took his leave and after he closed the door, Tony snapped the dead bolt closed. It made a loud clunk in the otherwise quiet house.

Gibbs returned to the living room after he heard Ducky's car start. His thoughts were racing, he couldn't focus on any one thought.

"Well, that went well," Tony said, and huffed in frustration.

Gibbs ignored the pain in his knee as he paced but before he got halfway through a round, Tony reached out and took his hand and coaxed him closer.

"Jethro, it's okay."

Gibbs wouldn't look Tony in the eye. He tried to pull his hand free but Tony held it in his warm grip.

"Jethro, don't shut me out now."

Gibbs looked at him and they held each other's gaze. He could see the worry in Tony's eyes. "Not, just need a little time, that's all."

Tony squeezed his hand once and let go. "Okay." 

Gibbs went down to the basement and picked up the sander. He walked around the boat, and found where he left off the last time he sanded. He thought about pouring a mug of bourbon to chase away the hurt Ducky's words evoked. He'd known Ducky would be surprised, but he also thought that when he found out they were serious about each other, that he'd be happy for them. He hadn't expected the intense negative reaction. Ducky had often told him he was too lonely for his own good. He finally finds someone he wants to spend his life with and Ducky reacts negatively.

In his mind, he knew that he and Tony made sense. It was a long-time coming and he could even see that it might be surprising. He shook his head. It hurt that Ducky couldn't see the good in this, but he could and Tony could, and that was really the only thing that mattered. He had to remember that in the face of criticism from people he considered friends.

Two hours later, Tony appears at the top of the basement steps and takes a few steps down.

"Jet?"

"Yeah?"

"Come to bed?"

By that time, Gibbs was starting to feel weary. He'd had an extremely long day. He put the sander down and brushed sawdust off his clothes and hands and headed upstairs. In the kitchen he washed his hands and thought about how good Tony would feel against him. When he turned around, Tony was standing in the doorway of the kitchen waiting.

"You okay now?"

Gibbs nodded. You?"

Tony shrugged.

"A little early to go to bed, isn't it?"

"Just ready for this day to end. I'm tired."

Gibbs studied Tony a moment. Tony actually looked tired, and he was, too. He never got a chance to tell him about cleaning out Kelly's room, not that he really wanted to talk about it exactly, but he had intended to tell him it was mostly done, but he figured it could wait. They both needed a good night's sleep. He dusted himself off before heading upstairs to join Tony.

Gibbs closed the door after they entered the bedroom and undressed. Tony got in bed and turned over on his side facing away from Gibbs. Gibbs turned over and put his arm around him. Tony brought his arm up over Gibbs' and pulled slightly and Gibbs pulled him closer. Tony relaxed into him and Gibbs kissed his neck.

"Night, Anthony."

"Night, Jethro," Tony said softly, turning his head as far as he could to return the kiss. In moments, they were both asleep.


	16. Chapter 16

The sun was bright and hot, cast a glare across the sand, but muted by the number of people milling around wearing an array of dark and colorful middle-eastern garb. Gibbs looked around and spotted Luke. As soon as he did, Luke raised his arm and pointed the gun at him.

"No, Luke! Don't shoot!" Gibbs called out.

Luke's gaze remained steady and unwavering, gun still poised, motionless.

"You don't have to do this. You'll regret it. Just don't shoot."

"Sorry, Gibbs," Luke said, sounding unusually loud in his ears despite how far away Luke was standing

"No! No!"

The gun fired and Gibbs screamed as pain ripped through his chest. He was on the ground but he didn't remember falling. He could feel the heat from the ground on his back and his chest felt like it had been torn apart and set on fire.

"Jethro! Jethro!" he heard Tony call out.

Gibbs' mouth was dry, and he could barely speak for the pain but he had to warn Tony. "Tony! No! Gun! Gun!"

As if from looking down on the scene, he saw Luke turn toward Tony aiming the gun.

"NO!" Gibbs screamed. "Don't shoot! Don't shoot Tony!"

"Gibbs! Jethro!" He heard Tony call again, his voice panicked, desperate.

"Tony, get away. Don't let him shoot you!" Gibbs tried to get up, had to protect Tony but the heavy, burning weight in his chest wouldn't allow him to move.

Another shot. "NO!" Gibbs screamed, fighting against the pain to get up. He had to save Tony. Had to help him.

He couldn't find Tony anywhere. He crawled across the ground, the pain shooting out from his chest to his shoulders and abdomen and into his hips and arms. 

"Tony! Tony! I'm coming! Please don't die! I'm coming!"

"Jethro! Wake up! Come on, please! Wake up!" he heard Tony practically crying as he pleaded. He felt someone shaking his shoulder and the burning pain intensified.

Gibbs opened his eyes and blinked. Where was he?

"Jethro," Tony said, his voice lower than it had been. "It's okay. It was just a bad dream."

Gibbs looked around and realized where he was. Tony was lying beside him, wide awake and his face concerned. Gibbs tried to move to adjust his position and he felt tearing pain in his chest, not unlike what he'd just experienced. He gasped and clutched his chest. The pain wouldn't be contained and Gibbs doubled over. He felt his heartbeat racing and a clenching pain.

"C-call Ducky," Gibbs gasped, as he rolled into a ball.

He felt rather than saw Tony pick up his phone. He heard him speaking but he was trying to breathe through the pain so he didn't focus on the words. In a moment, Tony set the phone down. "Jethro, Ducky is on his way. I'm going to go unlock the door for him."

Gibbs tried to nod but he didn't know if he had. He tried to move again but another wave of pain clenched his chest and he wasn't aware of anything else until Tony returned and sat on the bed and felt Tony rub his arm lightly. Somehow, through the haze of pain he realizes Tony is wearing a pair of soft sweatpants. The material felt cool against his heated skin. He needed to be close. He waited until the pain subsided a little and he made himself move to Tony and Tony seemed to understand what he was doing because in moments, Tony was holding him and his own head was on Tony's belly.

"Easy, it's okay. Ducky's on his way."

Gibbs tried to turn to lay on his back, but when he did, he felt a pulling sensation and tearing pain in his chest where the wound was. He cried out involuntarily and he clutched his chest again.

"It's okay, Jethro, breathe. Just breathe. Ducky is coming. He'll be here soon."

Gibbs breathed and Tony continued to stroke him lightly. It was soothing, but he couldn't remember feeling pain like this. It wasn't as bad as when he was first recovering but it was burning and it wouldn't stop. He didn't know how much time had passed but Tony was stroked his arm and was speaking in soothing tones though the words escaped him. All he could feel was pain and he wondered if he was dying.

"Dr. Taft." He heard Tony say and the word cut through the pain. He felt Tony trying to move away and he clutched at him.

"Don't leave me again," Gibbs managed to gasp out through the pain.

Cyril's soothing voice seemed to cut through everything. "It's okay, Tony. Stay where you are. Hey, Gibbs, Ducky called me. What's going on?"

"Chest...hurt."

"Can you turn over for me? I'll take a look."

With Tony's help, Gibbs managed to turn on his back like he wanted to before and the chest pain dissipated a little. He felt the coolness of the stethoscope and he opened his eyes blearily, seeing his doctor sitting on the bed beside him listening intently to his chest. He felt a warm hand press gently on his wrist where he knew his pulse was.

Suddenly, he knew everything was going to be okay. He didn't know why Ducky had called Cyril, and in that moment, he didn't care. He was just glad he was there.

Cyril took the stethoscope off and set it aside. "Your heart is beating a bit fast but otherwise, good. What happened?"

Gibbs tried to speak, but he couldn't. His mouth felt dry and he was having trouble, and his eyes seemed to want to stay closed.

Tony spoke. "He had a nightmare, it was pretty bad. He was calling out and crying. I...I think he was dreaming about the day he was shot and then he must've dreamed I got shot too, because he yelled that he was coming to me and not to die."

Gibbs forced himself to open his eyes. When he did, he felt dizzy and his chest still hurt. He could see that Dr. Cyril looked thoughtful.

"It's warm in here," Cyril said, frowning. Does this room not have AC?" He reached in his bag and pulled out a thermometer. "Open your mouth, Gibbs. Let me check your temp."

Gibbs dutifully opened his mouth. The thermometer felt as dry as his mouth.

"Uh…" Tony started to say but was interrupted by the door opening.

"Anthony?" Ducky called out.

"In here," Tony called out.

Ducky appeared in the doorway and stepped inside. "Ah, Cyril, I'm grateful you're here. How's our patient doing?"

"That's what I'm figuring out," he said, looking at his watch. After a few moments, he removed the thermometer. "A little warm, but not feverish." He picked up Gibbs' arm and lightly squeezed the skin of his hand and frowned when the skin slowly returned.

Cyril shook his head. "Well Gibbs, it looks like you're somewhat dehydrated."

"I shall get some water," Ducky answered immediately and headed out of the room.

"How much has he had to drink today?"

"Uh…" Tony thought. "He had a travel mug of coffee from my apartment this morning, but he hasn't had any since I've been here. I don't know what else he's drank today."

"I was here earlier today," Cyril said. "He had a large styrofoam cup from the diner. I made him some while I was here. Gibbs, did you drink any water today?"

Gibbs couldn't answer because he realized that was why his mouth was dry. He was thirsty.

"Come on, let's get you sat up so you can drink a little," he heard Cyril say and he and Tony both maneuvered him to sitting, being supported by Tony.

Cyril took the glass from Ducky and held it to his lips. Gibbs drank greedily, reaching for the glass to get more.

"Nope, nope, small sips, Gibbs. You can't drink it too fast," as Cyril pulled the glass away.

Ducky shifted a little uncomfortably after a few minutes. "It is quite warm in here." He looked around the room until he found what he was looking for. "Ah, the vent was closed." He leaned over and opened it and almost instantly, cool air started filling the room.

Gibbs felt Tony twist to look where Ducky was opening the vent. "Oh man, I didn't realize it. The room was cool when we came in here, so I didn't think about it."

"I do recall this door being open as I left earlier," Ducky said. "I intended to ask about it another day."

"Yeah, Gibbs prefers sleeping with the door closed." Tony looked down and Gibbs glanced up at him. "You okay now?"

Gibbs nodded. He sat up a little more and was able to hold the glass himself and took a small sip, as instructed.

"How much did you drink today, Jethro?" Ducky asked, not unkindly.

Gibbs thought about it. He'd had the travel mug at Tony's, at least 3 of the diner cups, and then the half-pot minus one cup with Cyril earlier. He'd had a half-glass of water after he finished Kelly's room, and had intended to finish it, but then he fell asleep. He'd had soup and a few sips of water with that, but it dawned on him that he hadn't drank anything after Ducky left and said so. "Not enough, didn't realize."

Tony shook his head. "I didn't realize either. He went to the basement after Ducky left and I never thought about it."

Ducky frowned. "So the combination of not drinking enough water and the warm room...Jethro, did you have a bad dream?"

Gibbs released a breath of air and nodded.

"It was really bad, Ducky. He was dreaming about the day he was shot. He was yelling and crying. He really freaked out." Tony said.

Gibbs closed his eyes. He hated the reminder of how bad it was, but he was glad Tony could explain it and he didn't have to. He wasn't sure he could've.

Cyril cleared his throat. "How's the pain, Gibbs?"

"Better. Just aches now."

He nodded. "That's what I thought. It sounds to me like you had a nightmare-induced panic attack. Chest pain, rapid heart rate, and dehydration can induce all of those symptoms. It's not unusual for trauma patients to have panic attacks while dreaming."

"I am sure the confrontation with me earlier did not help matters any," Ducky said, regret in his voice.

Now that the initial concern over Gibbs' health was past, Cyril raised an eyebrow. "What confrontation?"

"I arrived earlier to the shock of seeing Jethro and Anthony rather occupied in an intimate moment."

Cyril looked at Tony and Gibbs and then grinned. "I knew it!" He raised his hand and wagged his finger to emphasize his point. "I had a feeling there was something there."

"How?" Ducky asked in surprise.

"Yeah, how?" Tony asked, almost as surprised.

Cyril's smirk turned to a smile. "It always struck me how much you cared about Gibbs. I saw the way you looked at him, worried about him, how hurt you were when he was such an ass to you. He was always more of a bastard after you'd leave when you came to see him. Then, you went on vacation together, which surprised me at first because he'd been so pissed at you, and then it wasn't a surprise because I figured you two made up. Then, when he wasn't here when I showed up on Saturday and Sunday, and he'd been on vacation with you, I thought he might still be with you, but I wasn't sure of that. Then, earlier today when I asked about you inviting him instead of a lady friend, and he said you broke up with your girlfriend, it made me wonder some more."

"I was not aware you were suspicious of this...situation," Ducky said.

"Well, I wasn't sure and didn't want to say anything in case I was wrong. It was kind of obvious something was there though. I mean, as a doctor. I mean, whenever Tony was around, Gibbs' eyes followed him, and Tony, you weren't subtle."

The ache had dissipated enough that Gibbs sat up more. "This wasn't exactly how I wanted you to find out," he said. "Was going to tell you after I told the rest of our team."

"Well, I think it's great. You two are obviously good for the other. Congratulations on pulling your heads out of your asses and getting together."

Tony snorted, but his face is red. "Didn't realize I was so obvious."

"As I said earlier, Anthony. Many of your behaviors made more sense after you told me. I confess I had been surprised at first. I didn't consider anything like this a possibility."

"Really?" Cyril said, surprised. "I thought it was just the whole military DADT keeping it quiet that was at play here."

"DADT was repealed a long time ago," Tony said.

"Oh sure," Cyril readily agreed, "but we know that just because it was doesn't mean anyone's that quick to accept it. It's still pretty taboo."

"Indeed," Ducky said. "A most unfortunate circumstance."

Gibbs shifted. "This room is too damn hot. Get out of here and let me get dressed," he ordered, sitting up. The room had started to cool down since Ducky opened the vent but it was still warm.

Cyril and Ducky left the room. Tony got Gibbs' sweats and t-shirt and handed them to him. Gibbs dressed.

"You still in pain?" Tony asked softly.

"Aches, but better."

Tony breathed a sigh of relief but only nodded.

Tony stood by the door and waited. Gibbs stood up and waited. His knee protested in pain when he went to take a step but he ignored it and headed to the door. Tony moved when it was clear he could walk without support.

"I'm going to get an ice pack for your knee," Tony said and headed to the kitchen.

Gibbs limped over to the couch and sat down, the cool air welcome. Tony brought an ice pack, and a cloth, followed by Cyril bringing another glass of water.

"Do you feel any shortness of breath?" he asked.

Gibbs shook his head no. Cyril moved to sit on the couch. Tony spoke up. "Be careful where you sit. It's wearing out and springs are poking through. Ducky, you take the recliner."

Cyril felt around for the springs and found the spot where he could avoid them but kept a watchful eye on Gibbs. "You feel any pain into your left arm?"

Gibbs again shook his head no.

"Good, then I won't make you get an EKG. If this happens again though, you're getting one."

"Kind of felt like a heart attack though," Gibbs said. Now that he was recovered, he felt embarrassed, but didn't want to admit that.

"Panic attacks can mimic the symptoms of a heart attack. You don't have a history of cardiac issues though, so I think it's unlikely. Not impossible, but unlikely."

Gibbs nodded. "I feel fine now...except for the achiness."

"That should settle once you're fully hydrated."

Gibbs nodded, and then he looked over at Tony. "You okay?"

"A little freaked out, but yeah, I'm okay."

Gibbs reached out and took his hand, giving it a brief squeeze before he let go. "Sorry I scared you."

"It's okay, just glad it wasn't more serious than it turned out to be."

Gibbs fell back against the cushions. Now that the fright was past, his heart rate was slowing down and he felt exhausted. The ice on his knee helped to cool him down.

"Your knee is quite swollen, Jethro," Ducky said with a frown. "I thought that was getting better."

"Must've overdid it yesterday."

"How so?"

"I cleaned out Kelly's room yesterday afternoon. Then, I worked on the boat last night."

A heavy silence fell over the room. Ducky stared at Gibbs in surprise and empathy. "Really?"

"Yeah."

Ducky was so silent that even Cyril looked concerned.

"Oh dear," Ducky finally said. "I can only imagine what an ordeal cleaning out her room must've been, and then I showed up…"

Tony sat next to him on the couch, careful to avoid the spot where the springs poked out. "Shit, I didn't know either. You never said anything."

"You were telling me about Tim and Ellie, then Ducky showed up, never got to it."

"Uh...someone care to fill in the gaps for me?" Cyril asked, looking confused.

"Kelly was Gibbs' daughter. She died…"

Cyril nodded. "Yeah, I know about Kelly. I meant Ducky's distress about having shown up."

Ducky looked remorseful as he spoke. "I walked in on Anthony and Jethro in an intimate moment and I'm afraid I did not handle that shock very well. I am still not certain this is the wisest course of action you two can take."

Gibbs snorted. "So, you've said."

"Wait," Cyril said holding up a hand. "Ducky? You don't think they should be together?"

"Right now? No, though clearly this is out of my hands. I think Jethro would benefit from psychiatric evaluation and therapy to deal with the PTSD, and I believe he should've done that before engaging in any sort of romantic liaison, let alone one with a man when he's never been with one before." The disapproval rang loud in his voice.

The room was quiet. Gibbs felt irritated anew but he leaned back, closed his eyes and listened.

"Hmm," Cyril said thoughtfully. "Sorry, Ducky, but I don't agree. Ever since the first time I saw these two in the same room together, I thought there was something between them. I know you've known them longer, but sometimes someone on the outside looking in and can see things more readily than someone familiar with the people involved."

"That is true," Ducky allowed, "And maybe I've just failed to note it on Jethro's side, but that does not change the fact that the timing of this worries me. Jethro is now physically healthy enough to deal with the emotional trauma, but instead he gets involved with Anthony. Frankly, it worries me that once Jethro is in a better place emotionally, he will realize he does not need Anthony anymore and the relationship will fall apart, and possibly have the consequence of destroying their long-term friendship."

"I'm not changing my mind about this," Gibbs said, though his eyes remained closed.

"Of course you say that now…" Ducky argued.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Cyril spoke up holding his hands up in a stop gesture. "If I'd realized this was such a point of contention, I wouldn't have brought it up," he said. "Right now, Gibbs, you need rest. I think we're all tired so let's not start an argument and get worked up. Ducky, why don't you head home and get some sleep? I'll hang out for a while and make sure Gibbs is okay. I want to keep a watch on him a little longer."

Ducky considered a moment. "Alright," he finally agreed. "I do admit that my old bones are feeling their age more and more."

"Thanks for coming, Duck." Gibbs managed to say. Despite Ducky's upset over his and Tony's relationship, the man still showed up when he asked for him and that wasn't something Gibbs was going to overlook.

"Of course, Jethro. I fear you gave us all quite a fright. You know I will always be there if you need me, either as physician or friend."

"I know," Gibbs said quietly. "Thanks."

"Do call if you need anything."

Ducky shook Cyril's hand. "Thank you for coming out here so quickly. I knew you could get here sooner than I...and I was worried."

Cyril smiled warmly at Ducky. "I'll call you later today with an update."

"Alright."

Good nights were said and Ducky left and after he left, the tension in the room lightened.

Cyril took the recliner but he didn't lean back. He jerked his head toward the window outside. "He more upset about the timing or the relationship?"

"Timing, I think," Tony said.

"Okay. I didn't think he was homophobic, but I wasn't sure."

"He's not," Gibbs said with all the confidence of having known someone for many years. "He thinks I'm using Tony to cope with PTSD."

"Hmm," Cyril said. "I haven't known you as long as Ducky has, but from what I've seen, what you two have between you predated what went down in Iraq.

"Yeah," Tony said, tiredly. "For me definitely, just didn't realize it."

"So...this started on vacay?"

"Yeah," Tony answered.

Cyril smiled. "Well, I'm happy for both of you."

Gibbs opened his eyes and looked at Cyril. "Thanks."

"Yeah, thanks." Tony said.

"You doing alright there, Gibbs?"

"Yeah."

"Keep sipping on that water. You're not fully hydrated yet."

Gibbs sat up and drank from the glass how he normally would.

"And take it easy for a few days, okay. You don't need to be doing so much heavy work."

"Didn't notice any pain at the time, just a bit sore."

"The dehydration exacerbated the pain."

"Yeah. So much on my mind, I didn't even notice."

"I used to work with a woman who keeps a 22-ounce water bottle with her wherever she went because she was bad about remembering, too. As soon as it was empty, she filled it back up again.

"Good idea," Tony said. "I have a sports bottle you can use."

Gibbs nodded.

"So, pain is lessening?" Cyril asked.

"Yeah, almost gone. Just residual ache."

"From the panic attack," Tony added, looking Gibbs over with an assessing eye.

All three men looked tired. Tony cleared his throat. "If you're too tired to drive home, spare room bed is made up." He jerked his head upstairs. "First door on the right."

"Thanks, but I'm okay. Still too wound up to sleep. My wife will worry if I don't come home so I'll head out. Gibbs, finish that one and drink at least one more glass of that before you go back to bed. Call if you need anything. I'll stop by later today to check on you."

"You don't have to," Gibbs said. "I'm fine."

"Right, I'll see you later. Night." Cyril smirked as he stood and grabbed his medical bag.

"Thanks, Dr. Taft," Tony said.

"You can call me Cyril."

"Alright, cool. I'll probably shorten it." Tony offered him a tired smile.

"Cool!"

After he left, Tony yawned widely. "God, what a night. Leroy Jethro Gibbs, you scared the shit out of me! Don't do that again."

"Scared me, too."

"If you can, finish that glass and I'll refill it."

Gibbs did as directed since he was still thirsty anyway though that was slowly fading. He couldn't believe he'd forgotten to drink enough. He was usually really good about it since he drank so much coffee but he'd forgotten in the aftermath of Ducky's visit.

They sat quietly while he drank the last glass. By the time he was done, he needed to hit the head and he figured that was a good sign. Some of the swelling had gone down in his knee, too, so it didn't hurt as much.

Tony hit the head after him and Gibbs headed back to bed. He'd had some pretty bad nightmares at times, especially right after Kate had been killed in front of him, but nothing this bad before. He hoped he wouldn't dream anymore.

The bedroom was nice and chilled now and he was relieved. He'd forgotten all about the vent and he felt rather stupid for it. He got in bed and flipped the blanket back for Tony.

When Tony crawled in next to him, he didn't hesitate to wrap his arm around Gibbs. "So glad you're okay. I was so scared," Tony whispered.

"Sorry," Gibbs said quietly, resolving to never let that happen again. He hated to admit it, but he'd been terrified of dying.

He felt warm lips against his temple. "I believe you mean it." He felt Tony smile. "Love you," he murmured.

"Love you, too." In moments, they were both asleep.


	17. Chapter 17

Gibbs took it easy the next couple of days and the water bottle Tony gave him became his constant companion. As he told Tony, he was pissed at himself for not having paid better attention and he didn't want to go through that ordeal again.

Cyril and Ducky both checked on Gibbs a couple of times during those days, both careful to not go overboard. On Sunday morning, his phone rang. "Yeah, Gibbs."

"Hi Gibbs, this is Zoe Keates."

Gibbs smiled. "Hey, how are you doing?"

"I'm good, thanks. Got your flowers. Should I take that to mean that you and Tony pulled your heads out of your asses?"

Gibbs laughed. "Yeah." Gibbs took a deep breath. "Thank you."

"You make him happy, you know. Every time he talked about you, his face would light up. I don't think he could ever love anyone as much as he does you."

Gibbs felt heat rise in his face. He cleared his throat. "You saw what he couldn't. It took me nearly dying to see it."

"But you both now see it. Be happy, you both deserve it."

"Thanks...Tony told me you were really sad about breaking up. I hope you find happiness, too."

"Thanks, Gibbs," Zoe said, her tone conveying gratitude and surprise. "Take care of him for me, will you?"

"I will do my best."

"You better or I'll have to kick your ass."

Gibbs laughed. "And I would deserve it."

"Take care, okay?"

"You too."

Gibbs decided not to tell Tony about his conversation with Zoe. He thought he'd be embarrassed if he knew she'd threatened to kick his ass if he didn't take care of him.

Later that afternoon, Ducky showed up at Gibbs' house to find Gibbs home alone sitting in his recliner reading the newspaper.

"Hello, Jethro."

"Duck."

"I am surprised that Anthony isn't here."

"He's running errands."

"Ah, I see." Ducky handed Gibbs a manila envelope. "The lovely Veronica in HR asked me to deliver this since I was visiting you anyway. I do believe it's the paperwork for your retirement."

"Thanks." Gibbs set it on the table beside his chair and then lowered the foot rest.

"You need not get up on my account."

Gibbs held up his empty coffee cup and grabbed the near-empty bottle of water. "You want some tea?"

"No, but thank you."

A strained silence fell over both men as Gibbs poured his last mug of coffee and rinsed the carafe and emptied the filter. He then refilled his water bottle and offered Ducky a glass.

"Yes, thank you," Ducky said with a smile and accepted the glass from Gibbs, and sipped at it.

"Something to say?" Gibbs asked mildly.

"I wondered when you were going to tell the rest of the team of your new developments."

"One of Tony's errands is telling Tim." Gibbs looked at his watch. "Probably having that conversation right now."

"I would've thought Abigail would be the first to tell."

"Tony insisted that Tim be told before Abby. Tony didn't trust Abby to not tell Tim before he did and he wanted Tim to hear it from him first, no one else."

"Timothy and Anthony have become quite good friends now, as I understand."

"Yeah."

"I do admit for a while I wasn't sure they'd ever be true friends. They have both come a long way."

Gibbs didn't answer. Another strained silence fell. Gibbs walked back in the living room and Ducky followed. Gibbs offered Ducky his recliner since it was more comfortable and he sat on the couch.

"I am actually glad Anthony is not here at the moment. I did wish to speak to you about a matter I did not want to bring up in front of him. It was not just his heart I feared would end up broken."

"Really?" Gibbs asked in a mild tone that an average person wouldn't have guessed was sarcastic but Ducky knew it.

"There were things I could say to you in front of Anthony because I knew our friendship would survive it. However, I do not have the same friendship with Anthony as I do with you and therefore, I did not feel comfortable speaking of these things in front of him."

Gibbs didn't react. Instead, he decided to hear Ducky out.

Ducky saw that Gibbs was waiting and continued, "Anthony is not known for his ability to commit to a romantic relationship. Even the relationship with the lovely Agent Keates only lasted a few short months. I did have high hopes for that relationship. I'd been certain Anthony had found someone well-suited for him. I admit to being extremely disappointed that the relationship failed. It was clear that Agent Keates cared deeply for Anthony on the few occasions I met her."

Gibbs nodded once in acknowledgement.

"I do believe Anthony loves you, but I also believed he loved Agent Keates, and indeed had known her even longer than he has known you, yet he could not sustain a long-term relationship. Given the things Anthony has confided in me over the years, which admittedly is not substantial, but he has dropped hints at times, I do believe he does his best at the beginning of the relationship but when things fall into a routine and the novelty of a new sexual relationship wears off, he becomes discontent. I have reason to believe he appreciates the excitement and novelty of a new relationship over the everyday sameness of a well-established relationship. And as we all know, Jethro, you are the marrying kind. You appreciate the everyday sameness of a relationship. I fear that Anthony will not be able to...not even with you. For your sake, I do hope I'm wrong, but the pattern Anthony has displayed in the past makes me fear for your heart as much as I fear for his. As we both well know, sometimes love is not enough."

Ducky hesitated a moment before speaking again. "I also did some research on homosexual male relationships. Were you aware that many are prone to domestic violence?"

Gibbs frowned at this but didn't respond otherwise.

"I am well aware that you both enjoy sparring in the gym. Once you are fully recovered, I don't doubt you would wish to resume this activity. You and Anthony are stubborn, proud and are both aggressive in your own ways. As you were Anthony's superior, he will no doubt defer to you and not fight back as enthusiastically as you would. He has also never consistently bested you while sparring and thus sees you as the alpha male, albeit he might not see that consciously. Now, in the setting of your relationship, he may feel a subconscious or conscious need to be your equal. So, when tempers flare, and they inevitably will, I fear it could turn physical. Neither one of you can tolerate another concussion. You, in particular, cannot tolerate any more abuse to your body than what you've already suffered. When people get angry, they sometimes forget their own strength, sometimes lose control and what starts as an ordinary argument between a couple escalates into severe injuries."

"So you think Tony is going to beat me up?"

Ducky huffed. "Not...exactly, but I think there is potential for both of you to engage in a physical altercation when angry. It may not take the form of 'beating each other up' per se, but it could be pushing and shoving, perhaps even a fist in the gut. However, even that level of violence can result in devastating injuries in the heat of the moment. I fear for either of you ending up with another concussion as it could result in devastating mental deficits. It is a miracle you two have not already suffered long-term effects from the multiple concussions you've suffered. Anthony, in particular, has suffered so many I fear greatly for him should he have another. It is all too easy to forget these things in the heat of the moment. I just felt it prudent to warn you. I would like to suggest that any time you and Anthony get perturbed with one another, that you both call a time-out, go in opposite directions to work out your aggressions in other ways, preferably with head and joint protective gear with others rather than each other. Then, later come back and have a more civil discussion that does not result in violence of any kind between you...for the protection of both of you physically and for your the well-being of your relationship."

Gibbs thought about it for a minute. He didn't doubt that there would be times he and Tony would get angry at each other but he'd never considered the possibility of domestic violence. He could see how easily it could happen among male couples though. It would be a lot of testosterone in the mix. Ducky was also right that he and Tony couldn't take much more in the way of bodily harm. Frankly, he didn't want to take any more. He wasn't healing as fast as he would've even ten years ago. It was one of the reasons that made determining that it was time to retire easy.

Of course, it didn't change the fact that Ducky had not said one thing good about any of this. That was needling and it was time to confront that. "So…" Gibbs said, sitting up straight and looking Ducky in the eye. "You believe I will manipulate or use Tony to cope with PTSD. You believe that I treat Tony like shit. You believe we've rushed into this relationship. You believe that Tony is going to lose interest in a few weeks and move on. On top of that, you believe he and I are going to beat each other up when we get pissed. Did I cover it all?" Gibbs bit out the last question, making it clear he was pissed.

Ducky was silent for a moment. "I believe the potential is there for those things, yes," he answered quietly. "I do hope none of it will come to pass, but I feel I would be remiss if I did not at least mention these things so you can be aware of them and hopefully prepare accordingly for any eventuality...and hopefully prevent it."

"You already doomed us to fail several times over."

Ducky sighed audibly. "Perhaps it feels that way, but I do wish for both of you to be happy."

Gibbs crossed his arms in front of himself and glared at Ducky. "You have not once said anything to make me believe you want us to be happy. It even sounds to me like you want us to fail just so you can say, 'I told you so.' The worst part is that in my head when I think of you doing that, you sound smug and satisfied that you were right."

Ducky looked taken aback. "I assure you, Jethro, I would not feel the least bit satisfied or smug that I was right. In fact, I do hope I'm wrong about everything, but I cannot deny I'm deeply concerned. It's clear that you and Anthony want this relationship to work and at least right now, you're both obviously working at it, but it's well-known that your ability to sustain long-term relationships is sorely lacking...for both of you...not just one."

"Tony has been on my team for 16 fucking years when most only stay on a team 2-3 years. If that doesn't demonstrate his ability to sustain a long-term relationship, what the fuck does?!" Gibbs shouted.

Ducky scowled. "There is no need to shout at me, Jethro. I am well aware of how long Anthony has remained on your team, though I fear it's been to his detriment rather than his gain, especially in light of this new relationship."

"What would've been to his gain?"

"I do believe not deferring to you as team lead would've been to his gain over the long-term. There is no denying Anthony has learned much from you, but he has always stood in your shadow."

"Well, he won't be anymore."

"I do not believe that's entirely true, Jethro. Anthony is slightly taller than you, but you cast a shadow that almost completely drowns him out. That is why I have such fears about this relationship, complicated by the fact that neither of you have ever identified as homosexual or even bisexual. It appears to be out of character for both of you, which is why I fear this is rooted in both of you coping with post-traumatic stress disorder rather than romantic chemistry."

"Anything else?"

Ducky thought for a moment. "I do believe that covers everything."

"Okay. Then, let me ask you this…" Gibbs paused to gather his thought. Ducky straightened to listen. "If you don't have any faith in Tony and me, why are you even here?"

Ducky reared back as though he'd been slapped and looked just as startled. "Jethro!"

"You obviously have a low opinion of me...and Tony, too."

Ducky stood up, obviously upset. "I think very highly of both of you, but that doesn't mean I'm not aware of your flaws, just as you're aware of mine."

Gibbs stood up, too. "You think I'm so flawed that I can't have a good relationship with someone I already know better than anyone else. You think I can't do well with someone I've faced life and death with. Do you really think I'll fail at a relationship with someone I trust more completely than I trusted Shannon?!"

Ducky's jaw slacked open and he stared at Gibbs, stunned into silence, leaving the room draped in it. After a moment, Ducky closed his mouth and he swallowed hard. He blinked a couple of times and opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't find words.


	18. Chapter 18

The heavy silence was interrupted by the sound of gravel crunching in the driveway and Gibbs looked out the window to see Tim's car pulling in the driveway. This pulled Ducky out of his reverie as well and both men came to the house, Tony leading the way.

When Tony stepped in the living room, his glance cast from Gibbs to Ducky and back again. "Hope we're not interrupting anything." He raised an eyebrow in question.

"S'okay," Gibbs said. He nodded his head in greeting at Tim, who looked a little uncertain.

"Hey, Boss, Ducky," Tim said. He dug his hands in the pockets of his jeans and shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot.

"What's up?" Gibbs finally asked.

"Tell him, Tim," Tony said, sounding annoyed.

"Uh...well, uh…"

Tony rolled his eyes. "Oh, never mind, I'll do it. I told him about us but he thinks it's just an elaborate joke. He won't believe me."

"Well, you joke about everything!" Tim defended himself.

"Not true, McOver-Serious. I wouldn't joke about this."

"Yes, you would."

Tony threw his hands up in the air. "Jethro, help!"

Tim looked surprised and stared at Tony before glancing at Gibbs.

Gibbs smiled then. Finally, something amusing. "Yeah, I probably wouldn't have believed you either, Tony."

"Hey!" Tony said, offended.

"You've pulled a lot of pranks on Tim." He looked at Tim and smiled. "He's learned over the years to double check. I would, too, if I were him."

Tim smiled at this. "So, it is a joke?"

"No," Gibbs said. "Definitely not a joke, though Ducky probably wishes it was."

Ducky bristled, but Gibbs' and Tony's attention was on Tim.

Tim stared at Gibbs for a moment before looking away. "Uh...wow! What did Abby say?"

"Abby doesn't know yet," Tony said.

Tim's mouth fell open. "What? Seriously? You told me before her? Are you crazy?"

"Nope. You needed to know first."

"Me? Why me?"

"Because you're the one who has watched our backs all these years. You're the one we trust in a life and death situation. You're the one who has become my best friend, that's why!"

Tim blinked, even more surprised.

"Ducky was first to know," Tony added. "We thought it was only right he know since he and Gibbs have known each other for so long. I wanted to tell you before Abby because I wanted you to hear it from me and you know how she gets when she's excited about something."

Tim actually looked a little pleased. "So...I'm second to know?"

"Uh...not exactly. Dr. Taft was second to know...but only because we had a bad scare the other night and called him to check Gibbs out because we thought something was wrong. Couldn't exactly explain why I was here in the middle of the night."

"Are you okay, Boss?"

"Yeah, I'm good now. Had a nightmare that induced a panic attack with dehydration, triggered chest pain. Scared me."

All three men looked surprised at Gibbs. "Jethro, you just...explained...and admitted you had a panic attack...and were scared." Tony pointed at Tim.

"Yeah? So?"

"You never explain anything!" Tony added.

Gibbs looked straight at Tony. "I told you I couldn't live the way I had before. I'm...trying to do things differently. I won't lie and say it's not hard, but if anyone deserves to be let in, it's Tim. So, I explained."

"So...this is real...I mean, you two really are together?" Tim asked, disbelief in his voice as he looked back and forth. "I mean...he just called you Jethro."

Ducky sighed. "I can assure you, Timothy, it is true. I happened to walk in and inadvertently witnessed a rather intimate moment between them."

Tim's eyes got wide. "You walked in on them while they were…"

"Kissing, McDirty-Mind...we were kissing!"

Tim stared wide-eyed at Tony for a moment and shook his head. He looked a little stunned and a little confused. "Uh...okay." He thought for another moment. His brow furrowed. "But you two have never…" he stopped abruptly. "Oh my God, how could I have missed it?"

"Probably the same way Tony and I did," Gibbs said. "We just never saw what was right in front of us."

Tim looked at Tony. "You gave me a lot of crap about being gay and it turns out you are?"

Tony blushed and looked a little shamefaced. "I guess I'm bi," Tony admitted. "Gibbs is the only man I've ever been interested in."

It was like a lightbulb that clicked on in Tim's head and his face lit up and he smiled. "I don't know how I missed it, not really, but you know, it kinda fits...you two fit, I mean. You've always been able to...well, handle him. Sorry, Boss."

Gibbs smiled. "It's true."

Tim smiled at Gibbs agreement. "And Boss, you've always understood Tony better. I mean, you two used to just look at each other and were always in sync. I mean, this kinda makes sense."

Gibbs couldn't help but smile. This was what he thought Ducky would see, but it turned out Tim saw it instead, and very quickly.

So...rule 12?"

"We didn't break rule 12...well, not exactly anyway."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Gibbs was still on medical leave, but he wasn't working. We were on vacation. When we came back, the director had promoted you two and Gibbs and I worked out our retirements. So, since we didn't actually work together, we didn't break it."

Tim nodded slowly. "So, you got together in North Carolina." It wasn't exactly a question. Gibbs could see that Tim was putting the pieces together in his head. 

Ducky chose that moment to pipe up. "Am I the only one who can see the dangers here?"

Tim looked at Ducky, surprised. "Danger? You don't think this is good?"

"Did I miss something that Cyril and you see?"

Tim thought for a moment. "Well, I've spent a lot of time with Tony and Boss...and you're down in autopsy more than you were anywhere else, really, so you probably didn't see a lot of small things I've seen over the years. I mean, Tony has never been good at staying with women, but he's always stayed with Boss, so…"

Gibbs looked at Tony and Tony looked over at him and they smiled at each other.

"Yeah, that's not the first time I've seen them look at each other like that, but at the time I didn't think about it, figured it was just years of knowing each other by the time I showed up."

Tony snorted and shook his head. "We really were idiots."

"Yeah, but you're my idiot," Gibbs said with a smirk.

Tim laughed. "Okay, that's going to take some getting used--Wait a minute...Tony, didn't you say you were going to move down south?"

"Yeah."

Tim looked at Gibbs and the question in his eyes was obvious. "I'm going with him."

"Really?"

Gibbs nodded.

"Oh…Wow! Didn't see that coming." he said and he frowned a little, thinking.

"We should tell Abby now," Tony said. "Think she could come by now while we're all here? Maybe invite Ellie and the Palmers, too? That is...if you guys can stay a while?"

Ducky sighed. "I can stay if you like or I can leave if you would prefer."

"Up to you," Gibbs said. "Ellie and Abby might also think Tony is joking though, you can at least say you've witnessed that it's real."

"That is true. Very well. I will stay."

"Sure," Tim said. "I'm hungry though. Dinner?"

Tony nodded. "Yeah, definitely. Chinese place near here is pretty good and they deliver. That work for everyone?" At everyone's assent, Tony made some calls. "Okay, Abby and Ellie are on their way. The Palmers are at one of her friends' place for dinner so they can't make it. Food will be here in 30-45 minutes. I also took the liberty of ordering drinks, too."

"We'll eat first and then we'll tell Abby and Ellie." Gibbs said, and everyone agreed. "I better get the leaf in the table so there's room for all of us."

"I'll get the other side, Boss." Tim got up and walked with Gibbs to the dining room.

"If you don't object, Jethro, I will start the kettle."

"Go ahead."

It was almost 15 minutes later when Abby arrived smiling from ear to ear. "This is so great! I love impromptu dinners with my favorite people." She hugged everyone.

"Glad you could make it, Abs." Tony smiled as he hugged her.

"Oh...Ellie's not here." Abby looked disappointed.

"She will be soon. She's on her way."

"Ohh, that's great!" Abby was all smiles again. "Did you invite Jimmy?"

"Yeah, but they couldn't make it. Having dinner with friends."

"Oooh," Abby said. "Too bad, but at least most of us are here."

The kettle started whistling and Abby rushed over to the stove before Ducky could even get up. "I'll get it, Duckman. Actually, a cup of tea sounds good."

Gibbs walked to the cupboard and took the tea down and got cups for them. He kissed Abby's cheek and she grinned at him.

A few minutes later, Ellie called out hello and there were more greetings and hugs. "What's the occasion?" she asked, looking around.

"Just wanted to get together with everyone," was Gibbs' answer.

"Cool!"

Gibbs approached Ellie and Tim. "Heard about your new job. Congratulations."

"Thanks, Boss." Tim ducked his head a little shyly.

"Thanks, Gibbs." Ellie smiled brightly at him.

"You both earned it and deserve it. I'm really proud of both of you. Wanted you to know."

"Thanks, Boss," Tim said again, his face flushed and pleased.

"Give 'em hell, you two." He hugged Ellie and she hugged him back hard.

"I'm going to miss you, Gibbs. I've learned so much from you and Tony."

"You're going to do great," he said in her ear.

Once Ellie let go, he looked at Tim and gestured him to step away from the group and they walked toward the door. "You stayed on my team all these years when you could've moved on, probably should've. Why did you stay?" Gibbs asked quietly.

Tim looked surprised by the question, but he didn't hesitate with his answer. "I've always been ambitious, but I figured out pretty quickly that 6 months on your team was worth about two years on anyone else's team. We had some tough cases. You were a tough boss. And Tony...well, Tony is Tony and between you two, I figured I can handle anything thrown at me. That terrorist cell we took down...well, some of the stuff I used to help take them down, I learned from being on your team from doing all the stuff we'd done. I wouldn't say it was easy, but it was...uh...easier, maybe, then it might've been had I not stuck it out on your team."

Gibbs was stunned. "I was tougher on you and Tony than I should've been most of the time. I was never going to coddle either of you but there were times I could've and should've gone easier on you. I can't take it back now, but I'm glad you stuck it out. There were so many of those cases we couldn't have solved without you and none of them as quickly."

Tim smiled. "Really?"

"Yeah. I should've told you this a long time ago."

"I wish you had…" Tim took a deep breath. "...but glad to hear it now."

In that moment, Gibbs understood exactly why Ducky used to get on him about how he treated his team. "When Tony and I move...you and Delilah are always welcome. We'd love it if you would visit."

"Really?"

Gibbs nodded, already thinking about the ramp he would build for Delilah's wheelchair. "Don't fall out of touch with Tony or me. I want to hear about all your accomplishments."

Tim looked surprised. "Really?"

"I mean it."

Tim smiled. "Could I convince you to learn to text? Maybe use email...and Skype?"

Gibbs smiled. "I already know. Just still prefer a phone call."

"Okay, Boss."

"Not your Boss anymore, Tim. It's Gibbs...or Jethro."

"Really?"

"Yeah." Gibbs hesitated a moment and then he looked Tim in the eye. "I'm not going to be the same bastard you worked with. I trust you, I counted on you at work for a long time. You're family, Tim. I know I probably didn't always act like you were, but I'm going to try harder in the future."

Gibbs watched Tim swallow hard and Tim's eyes looked suspiciously bright. "Thanks, Bo--Jethro."

Gibbs smiled a little. "It'll take some getting used to."

"Yeah."

Gibbs reached out and squeezed Tim's shoulder and then he leaned closer and spoke low so only Tim could hear, "You put up with a lot of shit all these years from Tony and me. Don't let anyone...and I mean anyone...push you around, not even me. Got it?"

Tim smiled but there was a tear in his eye. "I won't."

Gibbs let go and turned around and rejoined the party in the kitchen and dining room. Tony gave Gibbs a questioning look and he nodded.


	19. Chapter 19

When dinner arrived, Gibbs paid for all of it plus tip and he sat back and listened to the conversation flowing around him. Besides talking about food and everyone trying a bit of everyone else's food, conversation turned to Ellie and Tim and they told them what they could about their new job. Ellie and Tim would be working closely together with a team of eight others analyzing intel, identifying, locating and coordinating actions on terrorist cells all over the world. Tim started talking about the technical aspects and while Gibbs only understood about one-third of it, Tony, Abby, Ellie and Ducky were hanging onto his every word. He figured Tony would summarize it all later for him, and it was confirmed when about ten minutes after that, Tony caught his eye and smiled slightly at him. As far as Gibbs could tell, no one had noticed.

Tony and Ellie cleaned up after dinner, and Gibbs fixed Ducky another cup of tea. After warnings about the couch, Ellie, Tony and Tim sat on the floor and Ducky and Gibbs took the comfortable seats. Tim and Ellie had run out of things to say about their new job.

"I have to say Timothy and Eleanor, I think this is a wonderful opportunity for both of you and I think I can safely speak for us all when I say we know we will hear great things about both of you in the future."

"Hear, hear!" Tony said raising his cup of soda. "My probie...all grown up." He fake sniffled and Tim shoulder bumped him. Tony shoulder bumped him back and they grinned and laughed.

"Got some good news, too," Gibbs finally spoke. Tony smiled and sat up and turned to face Gibbs.

"You're coming back to work after all?" Abby piped up, looked hopeful.

"No, Abs, not coming back to work."

Her face fell, but she recovered quickly. "Well, what is it? You said it was good."

Gibbs deliberately didn't look at Ducky. He had to admit he was looking forward to Abby's reaction because he was certain she would be happy for them. She was the most open-minded person he knew and if Tim could be happy for them, she definitely would.

"While on vacation, Tony and I talked...admitted we had more than friendship between us. We're together now." It sounded clumsy to his own ears, but he figured he'd better be the one to say it this time since Tim hadn't believed Tony at first.

Silence fell over everyone as they watched Abby's and Ellie's reactions.

Ellie spoke first...her face frozen in a smile, but uncertainty in her face. "Uh...what?!"

"Oh, this is good. Tony, you've done some good pranks before, but I know Bossman is good at this, too, though he won't admit it. You gotta tell me whose idea this was. Definitely best prank of the year." Abby laughed, staring expectantly at Gibbs, waiting for the gotcha.

More silence. Gibbs took a breath and smiled a little. "Not a prank...or a joke. We wanted to wait until after our retirements went through before we told anyone. We didn't want rumors flying around the NCIS building. Was afraid that someone would question Tony's and my conduct as team lead and SIC and didn't want to hurt his chances for promotion if anything had come up."

Abby's face fell. "Uh…" She blinked a few times and then looked at Gibbs, then at Tony and then back to Gibbs again. "Together...as in a couple...as in together together?"

"Yeah, Abs."

"Oh," she said quietly, staring at nothing in shock.

The heavy silence in the room made everyone except Abby shift. Ellie was looking between them thoughtfully. Abby's eyes drifted to the floor.

Finally, Tim cleared his throat. "Well, I'm happy for you guys. You always got each other on the job, and hopefully, you'll be good for each other like this, too. I still don't understand why I didn't see this before."

Tony smiled at Tim. "Thanks, McTim. We don't either, just figured maybe we weren't ready yet."

Tim thought about it a minute. "Well, I think that's possible. I mean, everything with that undercover op, then you and Ziva and Gi-Jethro, you were obviously still grieving pretty hard over your first wife and daughter, then the divorces after...it kind of makes sense you would be gun-shy, so to speak.

"You just called him Jethro?" Ellie said in disbelief.

"He said I could!" Tim said defensively.

"Yep," Gibbs said. "All of you can call me Jethro. I...I'd like to be friends, rather than a coworker or your boss."

"Aww, that's sweet, Jethro. Thank you. Does that mean you're going to call me Ellie now?" She smiled sweetly at him.

"Sure, Ellie." Gibbs smiled at her.

"Awesome."

"I'm still gonna call you Bish, Bish...Bishy Bish."

"Do you know how easy it would be for that to come out as a different word, Tony? That's why I don't call her that." Tim shuddered at the thought.

"You think it's too close to bitch?" Tony said, with a frown.

"Uh, yeah."

"I have to say, Tony has never once slipped and call me Bitch, instead of Bish."

"That's because you're not a bitch. If you were, I probably wouldn't have shortened it at all."

"I like you, too, Tony."

He grinned and winked at her and she smiled back.

"I guess I don't see it," Ellie finally said, sounding a bit regretful. "I've worked with both of you all this time and there wasn't any sign either of you were even gay, let alone had a thing for each other."

"Bi, actually," Tony said. "I still think women are beautiful and I still think about sex with them, even if I don't actually try to. I bet Jet does, too." Tony smirked at him and Gibbs smirked back.

"Jet? Really?" Tim scrunched his face at that.

"Don't like my nickname for him?"

"No."

Tony laughed. "Gee Tim, don't hold back, tell me how you really feel."

"Just seems kind of...I don't know...just not sure it fits."

"Well, he's different around me than he is around all of you."

"Yeah? How so?" Ellie asked.

"Believe it or not, he actually talks."

Ducky smiled at this, but didn't say anything.

Tim and Ellie looked doubtful. Abby still sat quietly. She was listening, but didn't say anything.

"Talks? As in real conversations?"

"Real conversations. And keep this on the down-low, but he's also nice. Like, really nice." Tony whispered conspiratorially.

"Yeah?" Tim said. "Does nice include the rest of us?"

Gibbs smirked. "I'll think about it."

"I won't tell if you are." Tim smirked back. "You seem happy, Bo--Jethro. Both of you do. It's good to see."

"Thanks," Tony and Gibbs said at the same time, then looked at each other and laughed.

"See, it's stuff like that. You always used to finish each other's sentences, too."

"Still do," they said at the same time, and looked at each other before grinning.

Abby finally shifted and turned toward Gibbs. Her countenance was partly sad, partly confused. Everyone fell quiet as she regarded him for a moment before speaking. "Are you...gay?"

"Never considered myself to be."

"Then...this doesn't make sense. If you're not gay, then...why Tony?"

"Because I love him."

"You do?"

"Uh huh."

"But...I mean...are you sure it's that kind of love? I mean, if you don't consider yourself gay, is there...well...does he...I've just never sensed any sexual chemistry between you two. Usually, the sexual chemistry comes first, then it grows into love, if it's going to grow into anything at all."

"Yeah, but thinking back, Tony and I had chemistry when we first met, but I don't think either of us thought that it was sexual chemistry. Just...we clicked, like partners on the job sometimes do. Mike Franks and I clicked, but even that was different from how Tony and I clicked. We just didn't relate it to sexual chemistry."

"But you think it was?"

"I think it might've been, but I can't go back in time and relive it to be sure."

Tony cleared his throat and Abby and Gibbs turned to him. "I remember thinking at the time that I felt drawn to him, but I thought it was his charisma and the way he handled my boss in Baltimore. It was like he commanded this respect and you can tell by looking at him he's pretty badass. I'd never seen anyone carry himself like he did. I was fascinated, but you knew that already. I didn't relate it to sexual chemistry though, never occurred to me. Now though…" Tony grinned. "There's definitely sexual chemistry." He winked at Gibbs who smiled at him.

Tim groaned. "I swear, Tony, if you say anything more about your sex life, I'm leaving."

"Nuh uh! No way!" Tony declared. "I'm just saying, it's there now. That's all!"

"So...did you always know you were bi, Tony?" Ellie held his gaze.

Tony shook his head no. "No. I never thought about guys in that way, not really. I mean, there was that one time in college a buddy and I got drunk and there was some awkward groping but then we passed out and the next day we pretended we didn't remember but I'm not sure that counts. After that, I got in law enforcement and I chased women when I had time to chase at all. Never occurred to me to consider men. Besides, once I met Gibbs, no other man could measure up."

Gibbs blushed at hearing Tony's words. He knew how messed up and flawed he was but the admiration in Tony's eyes was unmistakable.

Abby was now looking back and forth between them. Finally, she shook her head. "I just don't see it. Tony, the way you've always acted around Gibbs was more like you admired him as a mentor, not...this."

"Yes…" Ducky added. "That is also how I've seen your relationship. There was definitely nothing to suggest sexual chemistry or romantic tendencies."

"We're guys, we're not romantic," Tony pointed out, rolling his eyes.

Gibbs smirked a little at this. He remembered a few days ago when Tony murmured to him 'Who knew that Leroy Jethro Gibbs was romantic?'

"There's nothing wrong with men being romantic," Abby said. "Burt is."

"Sure, because you're a woman. All guys are romantic with women."

"That's what gets guys laid," Ellie said. Everyone looked at her. She shrugged. "What? It's true. Women respond to romantic gestures. Men respond to naked women...in general."

Tony laughed. Tim turned bright red and looked away, but didn't say anything. Even Ducky chuckled.

"Aww, poor McVirgin...still embarrassed to talk about sex."

"Some things should remain private."

"We're just talking in generalities but the way you blush makes me think you're still a virgin."

"Tony, knock it off!" Abby said, sounding irritated. "He's not."

"Hey, I was just joking around, Abs," Tony said, sounding hurt.

"Well, not everyone is comfortable with that kind of joking around so lay off."

"What's with you? I've always teased him like this."

"It's the condescending way you do it, like if he was a virgin, he should be ashamed of it. I hate that."

"Hello, right here!" Tim spoke up and sounded annoyed.

"Anyway..." Ducky interjected pointedly, steering the conversation away from that train wreck waiting to happen, "...I have already expressed my concerns that this is a huge risk that could ultimately destroy your friendship. While I do agree with Timothy that you both seem happy, I just fear that it cannot last. The PTSD that neither of you wants to acknowledge alone is reason enough to worry about whether this is right for both of you."

Abby's head shot to Gibbs. "PTSD? Gibbs? Do you have problems with that?" Abby sounded surprised.

Gibbs hated seeing that look in her eyes. It was the look that made him hate to admit that he might not be as hardy and whole as he once was. "Wish I could say no, Abs, but it'd be a lie."

She had her arms wrapped around him in an instant. "I wish I could hug it all away."

He hugged her back. "Me too," he said softly.

"Why didn't you tell me you were suffering? I would've helped."

"I don't talk about that stuff, Abs, never have."

"But you have to or you never get over it. It just keeps cycling like a hamster on a wheel, never going anywhere but getting there fast."

Gibbs hugged her tighter but he didn't know how to respond to that.

Finally, she let him go and sighed. "I guess...this is just going to take some getting used to. I just never saw this coming and well, it's just kind of surreal."

"Felt that way at first for me, too," Tony said and smiled at her.

Abby tried but she didn't quite manage a smile back. Tony's smile falters and he looks at Gibbs with a worried expression.

"Well," Ducky said and stood up. "I am afraid these old bones are starting to feel the day. I'd best be heading home. Thank you for dinner, Jethro."

That broke up the party as everyone else also decided to head out. Abby gathered her stuff. She hugged Gibbs goodbye but she didn't hug anyone else. "Thanks for dinner, Gibbs."

"You're welcome."

"Night."

Ducky was the last to leave despite being the first to say he was leaving. "I can't deny that both of you do seem happy. I still have my doubts, but I know Anthony will keep you in line, Jethro."

Tony snorted.

"He does," Gibbs said in all seriousness.

Ducky smiled a little at this. "Please don't hesitate to call on me if you need anything. I know you have, and you can about your relationship, as well."

Gibbs smiled and glanced over to see Tony smiling, too.

"Thanks, Ducky. I think you'll see in time that you should be happy for us." There was no mistaking the conviction in Tony's voice. He looked confident but Gibbs knew Tony well enough that he was at least partially acting more confident than he felt, but he didn't think Ducky saw through it.

"Very well then. Good night, gentlemen."

Ducky left but a sense of disquiet still hung in the air.


	20. Chapter 20

Tony let out a whoosh of breath after everyone was gone. "The people I thought would be happy for us aren't, and the ones I thought would give us shit didn't. This is so fucked up." Tony sank down on the couch and rubbed his hands over his face.

"Abs will come around," Gibbs said. "Seems like Ducky's starting to."

Tony grimaced. "I guess, maybe. Not sure of Abs. She didn't look surprised in a good way."

"We knew it might be a big surprise."

"Apparently not a good surprise," Tony muttered. "She didn't hug me. She's usually insistent on it. That's not a good sign."

Gibbs sighed. Tony was right but he didn't know what to do.

"Jet?"

"Hmm?"

"What if...what if Ducky is right...and this is about the PTSD?"

"PTSD or not, I know how I feel. Just because he doesn't get it doesn't mean we're wrong."

"I've never seen him like this. He's really worried, I think more about you than me, but…"

Gibbs stepped up to him and held out his hand and pulled him to his feet. Then, Gibbs put his arms around him. He didn't know what else to do. "It'll be okay."

Tony seemed to relax in the hug a little and hugged him back. "I was thinking...maybe we could see a shrink together and separately. I mean, maybe it would help ease Ducky's mind?"

Gibbs pulled back. "You really think that's necessary?"

"You're still getting panic attacks. I can tell something's been bothering you and I don't think it's just that you'd been shot. You've worked on the boat only once this entire week, it's like you're avoiding the basement, which is weird. I just...I don't know how to help. I know you hate shrinks, but Ducky is one of the few people whose opinion matters to me. I don't want him to look like that at us. And...it might do us both a lot of good."

Gibbs let out a huff of air. He hated shrinks and he didn't want to talk to one. Cyril had been trying to get him to go, as had Ducky. He just wasn't one to talk about his problems. On the other hand, the nightmares were bad and he couldn't keep going through what he had the other night. He'd been scared and in pain and he didn't want a repeat. On the other hand, he needed Tony to know why he hated them because he didn't want to go through that again either. "Do you want to know why I hate shrinks so much?"

Tony nodded solemnly. "Always wondered."

Gibbs sat down in his recliner but didn't lean back and clasped his hands together. Tony sat on the sofa near him. "After I lost my girls, and I was blown up the first time, a shrink came to see me in the hospital. At first, he seemed empathetic, made me feel like he could help me pull my life together and the first few sessions were okay. I didn't really think it was helping, and told him so, but he said it just takes time. He explained the stages of grief and that made sense to me. Over the next few sessions though, his attitude changed. It was like whatever empathy he had disappeared and he pushed me to move on from my grief. At the time, I was going back and forth from anger stage to crying at the bottom of the bottle." Gibbs took a deep breath and relived the memory, his jaw tightening and his voice was on edge. "Last time I went to see him, he was still being pushy and I broke down and lost it, really lost it. I think I was trying to show him that I wasn't ready to just move on, and he…" Gibbs felt his hands shake. "...He just told me that others had lost more than I did and I had a job to do and I needed to suck it up like a good Marine and do my job."

Tony's mouth fell open, and he closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath even as he shook his head.

Gibbs read the anger in Tony's face and it made him feel a little better. "I was so mad that I hit him and once I started, I couldn't stop. We were yelling and it drew attention and it took three men to pull me off of him. There was an investigation. I was charged with assault but after the investigation, the charges were dropped, he got fired, and I refused to talk to another shrink again."

"Psychiatry has come a long way since then, Jethro."

"Maybe, but I was already messed up and he made me worse."

Tony nodded. "The world understands a lot more now than they did then. It's been a long time. Don't you think maybe you could try again? One of the pieces of advice I was given when I decided I couldn't go on without some help was to keep looking until I found a shrink I felt comfortable with. I saw four shrinks before I settled on the one I see now. He's been teaching me self-reliance."

"What?! You're the most self-reliant person I've ever met."

"Yeah, but…" Tony trailed off, shrugging it off.

"No, you are. You've taken care of yourself for a hell of a long time."

"Sort of, but I…" Tony hesitated and huffed. "Never mind, I don't know what I'm trying to say."

"Don't…" Gibbs said. "Don't hold back on me now. You know exactly what it is. Tell me?" Gibbs remembered at the last second to not make it sound like a command.

Tony raised an eyebrow at him. "You just caught yourself, I heard it."

"Don't deflect. Yeah, I did, but I really want to know what's going on in your head."

Tony shifted uncomfortably. "This is embarrassing."

"Can't help you if you don't let me. You've seen me at my lowest. Not going to judge you."

Tony blinked. "I just don't want you to see me as…"

"Weak? Vulnerable? Pathetic?"

Tony blushed.

"Just because you feel that way doesn't mean I see you that way. You're the strongest man I've ever met. There's nothing...nothing you can tell me that will make me change that." It was true and Gibbs hoped when Tony would see that when he met his eyes to read that for himself. It took a few for Tony to actually make eye contact, the insecurity in his eyes, the fear. Gibbs reached out and took his hand and squeezed lightly.

Tony seemed to derive some comfort from the gesture and he squeezed back and didn't let go, even as he spoke. "My relationships with women never worked out because they thought I was too clingy, too needy. Zoe didn't seem to mind it as much. She was really patient with me but by the time she and I started dating, I'd already been seeing my shrink and going to the mens' group and I was more conscious of it. I don't want to be needy and clingy because it makes me feel like shit, and I don't want to make you hate me for it. If you only knew how hard it was to not slip into bad habits because you've been my boss so long, you'd understand."

Gibbs stared at Tony for a long time. He could see Tony struggling with the things he hated, including how much he hated admitting it. "That explains why you've been holding back on me," Gibbs finally said. He stroked Tony's hand with his thumb.

Tony huffed. "Dammit, I hoped you didn't pick up on it."

"I know you! Did you think I didn't know you can be needy? Dammit, Tony, you've been like that as long as I've known you. Did you think I didn't know what I was getting into?"

"Why would you want a guy who can be needy?"

"Because I know what you need because I need what you need."

Tony fell silent, looking shocked.

"You've let me lean on you when I needed to, and you've leaned on me when you've needed to. I know you got insecurities, and that you're messed up. It doesn't change how I feel about you. And I'm not using you as a crutch because I have PTSD. It took me nearly dying on an operating table to open my eyes and see that you were the one I wanted there. And that didn't change just because I survived. Kelly told me I didn't have good days anymore and she wanted to know why and when she asked me that, I had an image of you pop in my head. I wasn't having good days because I wasn't letting you in. I tried to deny it, but I couldn't. It just stared me in the face all the time I was recovering. I finally gave up fighting it. I needed you and hated that you weren't around."

Tony's eyes were big as saucers. "Kelly told you?"

Gibbs let out a huff. "Yeah...I saw her...near death experience, I guess. That's what Cyril said anyway. She told me she wanted me to be happy. I could only think of you when she said that. PTSD or not, I won't change my mind, but I'll be damned if I'm going to tell Ducky that!"

Tony looked puzzled. "Why not?"

Gibbs looked taken aback. "Why should I?"

"Well, you said you didn't want to live the way you did before...so why shut out the people who love you?"

Gibbs was silent. "You think I should tell Ducky I saw Kelly?"

"That's up to you, but I know that he and Abby had both said they would love to know about your wife and daughter. I know Abby has literally thousands of questions about both of them. She wished you'd tell her about them. She wants to know you as you were when you were happy. I would, too."

Gibbs swallowed the lump in his throat but it didn't budge. "It...hurts to talk about them."

"I know, and I don't mean to make it hurt worse by talking about them, but I thought you should know that we all wish you'd talk about them. None of us think it's right that you never speak of them, but we don't want to open old wounds for you either, which is why we have never pushed you. I think you telling Ducky about Kelly wanting you to have good days again and that you pictured me, maybe that would help him see things in a new light."

"He'll just think I'm crazy. He already thinks I am."

Tony looked doubtful. "I don't think he'll think you're crazy. It's well known that when people die and come back, they've seen loved ones. What you described doesn't seem all that unusual. I just thought maybe us seeing shrinks even though we stay together is a fair compromise. We're not backing down about being together, but we are acknowledging his concerns."

"Am I going to lose you if I don't agree to this?"

"No. I see a shrink anyway, usually once a month, but I was thinking of asking if he could see more often, at least for a little while."

Gibbs nodded. "Cyril knows someone he wants me to see. Thinks she and I will get along, and that she can help me."

"Might be worth considering."

Gibbs didn't answer. Deep down, he knew he should talk to someone, but bitterness of his last experience with a shrink he'd tried to let in made it difficult. He'd been able to get around the NCIS shrinks when he had to see them partly because he knew they were only there to cover the agency's ass should anyone go off the rails, and partly because he knew how to manipulate the system. Every single one of them had been willing and ready to help him and he had continuously rebuffed them, often rudely, at that.

He sighed. Could he really deny Tony anything he wanted, even if it was the last thing he wanted to do?

"Okay."

"Really?"

"Yeah." Gibbs took a deep breath. "Other night really scared me. Don't want to go through that again." Gibbs paused and then added, "And I'll think about telling Ducky about Kelly."

Tony stood up and pulled him to his feet and hugged him and Gibbs hugged him back. God, that felt so good. He forgot how much he missed being hugged. Tony felt strong and firm and he let himself relax. It was nice not always having to be the strong one, but he knew there would be times Tony needed him to be. After a moment, Tony released him.

"This means a lot, Jethro."

"I know. Ducky made some good points, just still hurt."

"What were his good points?"

"I treated you like shit more often than I didn't. I won't insult you by saying I didn't mean to, we both know I did mean it. I won't make any excuses for why. I was a bastard because I wanted to be, plain and simple. I had a lot of months of sitting around not able to do anything except sleep and think. Being forced to be idle like that was an eye opener. I have a lot of bad habits to break, and I'm probably going to need help to break them."

"Okay...but I don't want you to change everything."

"I won't. I'm still going to be a bastard, just maybe less of one or not one at all to those I care about...like you, Abby, Ducky, Tim, Taft, For--no, I'm going to be a bastard to Fornell. He likes it."

Tony laughed. "He wouldn't recognize you if you weren't."

Gibbs thought for a moment. "Yeah." Gibbs noticed then that Tony wasn't really looking at him and he could see Tony still felt off, maybe uncertain. He hated that look on his face. It was also then he noted that Tony had backed away. There was way too much space between them all of a sudden.

Gibbs stepped up to Tony and reached out to put an arm around him and pull him closer. "Look at me, Anthony."

Tony looked up at him and met his gaze and Gibbs took a moment to read him. "What are you afraid of?"

Tony's shoulders slumped at hearing the question. "Still afraid when you find out all the things I've kept behind the mask you're going to not want anything to do with me."

"The clingy thing?"

Tony raised his eyes to the ceiling. "I wish I'd kept my mouth shut. It's embarrassing to hear the word out loud. Sounds girly."

Gibbs rolled his eyes. "You're not girly."

"Feels it when I get like that."

Gibbs made a sound of frustration. "Just stop it," he ordered. "You're making way more out of this than there is. I don't think you're girly. I don't think you're weak. I don't think you're as needy and clingy as you think you are and so what if you have moments when you are? So do I, or hadn't you noticed?"

"I noticed...Uh...is it weird that I kinda like it?"

"Yeah?"

"You have rarely let yourself lean on anyone and the times you leaned on me, even if it was just a little, it made me feel good that you trusted me enough to do that."

"I do trust you enough to lean on you. But you need to know you can lean on me too and I'm not going to think worse of you for it. We all need someone sometime. We have 16 years of depending on each other in intense life and death situations. If I can't trust you, who can I trust? If I can't let my guard down with you, who can I let it down with? I trust you! You can let your guard down and I'll do my best to be strong when you need me to be and you've always been strong for me...but you don't always have to be if you can't be. I get it."

Tony visibly shuddered and it was several seconds before he spoke. "I've never let my guard down."

"I know...and I want you to get to the point where you can let it down with me. I know you're lonely deep down inside, but you're not alone anymore. You're not going to let your guard down overnight, but I want you to, and to trust that I'll protect your squishy insides."

Tony just looked up, startled. "Did you just say squishy?"

Gibbs grinned. "Yeah."

"I am NOT squishy."

"Yeah, you are. It's okay. So am I."

Tony shook his head and then he laughed. "Jethro, you can never say that out loud ever again."

"Why?"

"It'll ruin our reputations."

"Squishy, squishy, squishy."

"Gah! Shut up!"

"Squish squish squish." Gibbs made a funny face as he said it, and then it morphed into a grin. It felt so good to let out a little of his humor. He knew a lot of it was from being around Kelly, but he didn't care.

Tony laughed, it seemed to bubble up from deep inside and Gibbs smiled wider, he couldn't help it.

"I forget how playful you can be," Tony said.

"I'm a little rusty at it but yeah."

"It really doesn't bother you that I feel...like that?"

"No. Does it bother you that I feel like that sometimes?"

Tony emphatically shook his head no. "Just...never admitted it before."

"Kuwait was long, lonely and hot. It was like being in hell, or what I imagined it to be. When I was finally able to go on leave and come home, I couldn't keep my hands off Shannon. And it wasn't so much about sex, just needed to touch and be touched. Couldn't get enough. Our careers...we've been fighting a war our entire careers, even if the enemy kept changing from case to case, terrorist to terrorist. Most of that time has been without touch more than it has been with. I need that. Does that make me needy or clingy?"

Tony was so stunned that he couldn't respond. His mouth worked like he was trying to but there were no words. Gibbs blinked as he waited, wondering if he'd gone too far.

Later, Gibbs wouldn't be able to say for certain if he finished the blink before he was pulled into a deep kiss. He opened himself up to it, welcomed Tony's tongue and kissed him back. Gibbs' hands went to Tony's back and under his shirt. Tony made a noise as he ran his hands through Gibbs' hair.

Finally, Tony gasped for air as he withdrew. "Bed, now."

Tony barely paused to check the door to make sure it was locked before he and Gibbs went into the bedroom. Tony pulled Gibbs' shirt off and Gibbs reached for Tony's. They laughed and each pulled off the rest of their own clothes.

"Lay down," Tony whispered. Gibbs obeyed, and he never took his eyes off Tony. As soon as he got comfortable, Tony climbed over him and except for adjusting so he wouldn't crush him, Gibbs found himself blanketed by Tony. Tony leaned down and kissed him again, softer this time. "You want to know the truth?" Tony whispered.

Gibbs nodded solemnly. Tony looked so intense it took his breath away. He wasn't sure he could've spoken if he wanted to. Tony leaned in and kissed him lightly before he spoke. "I crave skin-on-skin like air. Haven't had enough of this, will never have enough of it. Sex...is good. I like it, not going to say no, but I need touch, sexual or not." Tony looked in Gibbs' eyes and waited.

Gibbs saw the need for approval in his eyes, to know that what he'd just said was okay. He'd seen that look many times through their long partnership. He lifted his hand and stroked Tony's cheek. "Me too, but I gotta be honest...I've never had enough sex."

Tony laughed. "Me neither. Was always curious exactly how much would be enough."

Gibbs chuckled. "We will...but I'm not a young man anymore. Sometimes, I'll have to be content with just touch."

Tony smiled softly and sighed. "Yeah, me too. It sucks getting older. We don't always have to have sex though I like it with you...a lot more than I thought I would." He leaned in and kissed Gibbs again.

"Me too." Gibbs thought for a moment. "I hope it's always as intense."

Tony opened his mouth to speak, then closed it, and he closed his eyes for a moment and reopened them. "Me too. Never come so hard in my life except the times with you."

Gibbs smiled. "Same," he whispered and pulled Tony down for a kiss and stroked up and down his back. They kissed for what felt like hours, losing themselves in it, finally stopping when Tony realized he was thirsty.

They got up and went to the kitchen and poured glasses of water and drank them. Gibbs refilled his water bottle and refilled their glasses. They sipped at them until they were gone and Tony filled a water bottle for himself. They took turns hitting the head before they went back to bed. As soon as Gibbs laid down, Tony resumed his position and kissed him again. Tony's mouth was cold from the water but Gibbs knew his was too and that they'd warm up. Then, Gibbs rolled Tony over and laid on him. Tony smiled at him.

"Always thought it was sex I craved but maybe it is intimacy."

"Probably both."

Tony smiled. "Yeah."

Tony stroked his skin and Gibbs lost himself in the feel of fingertips, lips, and tongue on skin. After a while, he couldn't tell where he ended and Tony began and he didn't care. As he found Tony's hot spot on his neck, Tony whimpered and thrust, their cocks brushing against each other. Tony ground against him. "Just like that. Yeah," Tony breathed as Gibbs ground against him. The friction between them was delicious and Gibbs listened to Tony breathe hard and savored the sound of the gasping whimper Tony made as he squeezed his ass hard as he came, causing Gibbs to thrust involuntarily and then he was coming as the pressure and the slickness between them was all Gibbs could take. They lay there together, breathing hard as they recovered.

When Gibbs could open his eyes, he was lying on his back again and had no idea when they rolled back over. Tony was watching him, smiling softly. Gibbs reached up and slightly stroked Tony's face with the back of his fingers. Tony leaned into the touch.

"I wish we could shower together." Tony said. "When we move, I want a big walk-in shower, big enough for two, and a bathtub that fits two."

Gibbs laughed. "Don't want much, do you?"

"Not that much...unless...you're not into shared showers?"

Gibbs grinned. "So many things I want to do with you in the shower."

Tony breathed upward to cool his sweaty forehead. "Okay, we're seriously going to have the big walk-in shower. But for now...you want to go first?"

"Go ahead. Leave the water running, will just switch places when you're done."

As Gibbs showered he realized he felt really good physically and calmer emotionally. He was still a little upset by Abby's reaction, but he couldn't do anything about that so he let it go for now. As he watched Tony brush his teeth, he smiled a little. He reached out and ran his hand over Tony's back and Tony looked over with a mouthful of toothpaste and grinned. Tony didn't seem to be letting it bother him too much right now, and Gibbs figured he needed their intimacy as much as he did. Tony rinsed his mouth and splashed his face and Gibbs could see the rest of their lives in that moment. More of the ordinary sameness, but with underlying intimacy that they both needed. Ducky's and Abby's doubts about them felt washed away. He didn't doubt. Tony didn't seem to doubt. The hard part would be for Tony not letting Abby's and Ducky's opinions get to him. He knew Tony struggled with what people thought of him. It was why he'd spent so long hiding behind masks. Tony's masks were falling away, and he loved it.

"You're thinking too loud," Tony said, breaking his reverie.

"Yeah."

"What's on your mind?"

"Your masks are falling away."

Tony shifted uncomfortably. "Don't need them around you. And...it's...well, they've been hard to maintain for a while anyway. No one seems to mind."

"If they did mind, you don't need them anyway."

"Yeah, I know. 'Come on, let's go to bed. You wore me out."

Gibbs snorted. "No stamina."

"Right, says the man who looks like he's going to fall over from exhaustion."

Gibbs could admit he was tired so he didn't rebut the statement. When Tony wrapped his arm around his waist after they got in bed, Gibbs smiled, the last thing he remembered was Tony softly kissing his neck.


	21. Chapter 21

Gibbs woke up early the next morning and stretched, his bones popping and settling. Tony slept soundly beside him. Gibbs smiled a little, watching the pillowcase edge move slightly with each breath, comforted by the deep and even breaths, how still he was otherwise. He needed a good sleep. Quietly, Gibbs got up and dressed, then hit the head before going to the kitchen to make coffee. He got the paper and sat down at the table to read it. It was actually kind of nice not having to get ready for work. He could take his time, drink his coffee and relax.

He was under no delusions that he'd be content to do this forever. Once they moved, he'd be busy building furniture and taking care of their new home. He wondered if he'd ever miss chasing criminals, but somehow he doubted it. It was time to leave that job to the younger generations. He would need to take it a little easier from now on. He figured he could also consult sometimes, Vance had even mentioned that. Mostly though, he looked forward to enjoying his life with Tony.

He would miss Ducky and Abby, even Tim and Jimmy. He hoped Ducky and Abby would come around and be happy for them eventually. He knew he and Ducky would get through this, they'd been through too much not to. He wished Ducky had been happy without reservation, but he understood the reservations, too. Ducky knew as well as Tony how stubborn he could be about things but it was time for him to be a little less stubborn, and he knew it, and he was trying. He thought he'd feel embarrassed over his confessions the evening before, but strangely, he wasn't. He sensed Tony needed to hear it before he'd let himself share his own neediness. Of course, they would both deny it if anyone else said it, but one of the things he'd loved most about Shannon was his ability to let his guard down. He may not have been able to talk about what he did in the Corps, but he could share what he needed from her and she shared what she needed from him. Now, he seemed to have that with Tony. He knew Tony had more inside him that he hadn't shared, but he knew he would in time. Abby just needed to think about it for a while and realization would dawn and everything would be sunshine and black roses for her.

He smiled a little as he drank his coffee, didn't even let the bad news of the world get to him. He was on his second cup of coffee when his phone rang. He looked at the caller ID and smiled. "Gibbs."

"Hey Gibbs, hope I'm not calling too early?"

"I've been awake. What's up, Abs?"

"I couldn't sleep last night."

Gibbs waited, knowing Abby would continue.

"I...I'm just worried about you. Tony has a lousy track record for relationships...and well...yours isn't the best either though I know they left you, not the other way around, so I guess your track record is better. Are you...sure about this? I mean, he's Tony."

"He's always stayed with me, Abs, even when he shouldn't have."

Abby's sigh seemed to come from deep down. "I know, I thought of that earlier, it's just...I never thought you two would consider men, let alone each other."

Gibbs snorted. "He's good for me, Abs. Always has been." Gibbs hesitated and reminded himself he was letting those who cared about him in. "Took nearly dying for me to see that he was the one I needed...and he needs me, too."

"Awwww!" Abby said and he could almost hear the tears in her eyes. "That is so sweet. You should tell him that."

"Already did."

"Oh my gosh, I can't believe it. You really let him in, didn't you?"

"Yeah, Abs."

"I noticed he seemed really happy last night, in a way I'd never seen him. I guess...I was just afraid you would end up broken."

"I really don't think we will."

"Are you happy, Gibbs? Like really, really happy?"

"I haven't been this happy in over 20 years."

There was silence on the other end for a moment, then he heard her sniffle. "I'm happy for you, too. Both of you. I never thought you'd ever let anyone in. This is so great."

Gibbs smiled. "Thanks, Abs. When Tony and I move, you'll have to come visit us."

"That's right, he said he was going to move. I kept hoping he'd change his mind. "Where are you moving to?"

"Not sure yet, but when we know, you'll know."

"Okay." Abby sighed happily and Gibbs could almost picture her dreamy smile as she imagined that she could see him. "I'd better get to work, but I couldn't work without asking. I won't worry so much about you. Will I see you soon?"

"Sure, we'll have dinner soon."

"Oh, I'd love that. Promise?"

"Promise."

"Okay, we'll plan it soon."

"Sounds good." 

"Wait...Gibbs…?"

"Yeah, Abs?"

"You'll...take good care of Tony, won't you? I mean...he always pretends nothing bothers him and I know it actually takes a lot for stuff to get to him but once it gets him, he has a hard time letting it go. And he's had a lot of bad in his life. And he hates to admit when he's hurting and he hurts a lot more than he pretends to. I know you're hard to fool, but Tony's really good at hiding...like really good at it. Just...don't let him hide from you, okay?"

"Not a chance, Abs. He knows better than to even try."

He felt rather than heard her happiness notch up. "I knew I could count on you to take care of my Tony-bear." Gibbs smiled. "He needs you so much, Gibbs. I saw the way he looked at you yesterday."

"I know, Abs. Don't worry."

"With you on the case, I never worry! Okay, I really need to get going or I'll be late. Love you."

"Love you, too, Abs." He hung up and wiped away his own tear. It really did take so little to make her happy. He knew she'd come around, and he felt himself relax. Abby was happy again, and that would ease Tony's mind, too.


	22. Chapter 22

A little while later, he heard the bedroom door open and he listened as Tony went to the bathroom. When he finally reached the kitchen, Gibbs saw he was dressed in sweats and a t-shirt, his bed head ruffled. He looked tired, but awake. He didn't say anything as he went to the coffeemaker and fixed his mug. He took a tentative sip and then put up the sugar and sank down in the chair closest to Gibbs. He yawned big.

Tony half-pointed at Gibbs. "You need to learn how to sleep in."

"Good morning to you, too."

"It's 8:15. Too early to be awake."

Gibbs snorted. "Half the morning is gone."

Tony groaned. "Okay, this is not acceptable. I'm not going to get up at the ass-crack of dawn every morning because you think 8:15 is half the morning. Not happening. No."

"You've been getting up earlier than this for your entire career."

"And I've never learned to like it."

"You got up early on vacation."

"No. I slept in until 9 or 9:30 or whenever you cooked bacon. And toward the end you slept in!"

"Not on vacation anymore."

Tony rolled his eyes and took a gulp of coffee. "So, if half the morning is gone, why are you just sitting there?"

"Waiting for you to get up."

"If you want me to get up, you should've been in bed with me."

Gibbs laughed. "Well, that'll have to wait."

"For what?"

"I called for some help to move the old crap upstairs out. They'll be here within the hour."

"Oh. What are you doing with all of it?"

"Throwing it all out. None of it is useable. What's still okay to use, I'll just sell with the house."

"Man, I really need to get going on cleaning out my place. I feel like you've made more progress on it than I have."

"We can go over and work on it if you want after these guys leave."

"Yeah, we should do that...except we haven't talked about that yet. Do you have a preference on where we move to?"

"Open a USA map, close your eyes, and drop your finger on a random spot. We'll move to a city near wherever your finger lands."

Tony laughed. "Seriously?"

Gibbs nodded.

"Hmm. I don't think you're really serious."

Gibbs shrugged. "Why not? There are enough big cities through the country."

Tony thought about it and chewed his lip a little. "Uh, I was thinking...maybe we shouldn't move to a big city."

"Why?"

"Because that's where a lot of air pollution is...I was thinking maybe a medium-sized city."

"I thought you wouldn't be able to stand anything but a big city," Gibbs said, surprised.

"Yeah, well...medium sized city have a lot of the same things we love like lots of traffic jams, angry people flipping us the bird, restaurants with long lines...can get all that and more in a medium-sized city but with less air pollution and slightly less traffic."

Gibbs laughed. "Point. Okay, close your eyes, drop your finger on a spot and we'll move to a medium-sized city near there."

Tony looked doubtful. "Not sure that's the best way to pick a new home."

"You got a better idea?"

"Uh...maybe?"

Gibbs' raised his eyebrows and waited.

"Well, been thinking about it, not sure you'll like it."

Gibbs frowned but waited.

"I've always interested in psychology...know how to read people and usually how to approach them to get them to talk...most of the time, I mean. Our whole careers we've been dragged through the wringer, and some of the shrinks at NCIS...well, some were good, some weren't. Most of them might've had military history but they didn't always know what we, as agents, needed. I know they helped a lot of agents, but having been an agent, maybe I could help agents better because I know where they've been and what they've done, ya know?"

Gibbs was stunned and he took a moment before he responded. "Yeah, I think you'd be good at that. You'd relate to them and they'd respond to that." Gibbs studied Tony a minute and Tony waited him out. "You sure? That takes an emotional toll." 

"Well, I've been tossing the idea around in my head for a while. When I was single, I wouldn't have ever considered it since I didn't have enough support but now...with the way you've been these past week, as long as you keep that up, I'd have good support and I could pursue something like this."

Gibbs nodded. "That means riding a desk." Gibbs grimaced at the thought as a flicker of doubt about whether Tony would be happy doing that crossed his mind.

"I thought of that but I wouldn't always be behind a desk. One of the things I always argued was that the NCIS shrinks always wanted to meet in the office. I think in the warmer weather being outside might be more therapeutic, especially if the grounds are well-kept and beautiful, it offers a sense of peace."

Gibbs didn't answer, thinking over what Tony said. He was reminded once again about the hidden depths of Anthony DiNozzo, Jr. It made sense that he wanted to help other agents who had been through the wringer like he had and that he came up with other ways to do it besides sitting in an office was not surprising, and his idea had merit.

"It also has the added benefit of helping me help you when you have bad days. We know even with therapy, you'll always have bad days now and then. We all do."

Gibbs nodded and cleared his throat. "If that's what you really want to do, I'll support you in that. Do you know where you want to live?"

"I think so."

"Okay?"

"I think I really want to go back to North Carolina. I loved Wild Run, even if it was a little pricey. I figure we could live in one of the medium-sized cities there. There are a lot of colleges there and it's not too expensive to live in some places. I could probably finish my psych degree at UNC. They have a great psych program. It might be a little more expensive for the degree, but I have a trust from my mother that I've been careful with."

Gibbs thought about it. "Okay."

"Really? That's it?"

"Yep."

"Just like that?"

Gibbs frowned. "Yeah, just like that. I told you I'd go where you're going. I meant it."

"Did you like North Carolina?"

"Yeah."

"You're not nervous or worried about picking your life up and moving away?"

"Nope."

Tony huffed. "Jethro, now is not the time to go monosyllabic. I need to know what you think of all this."

"We'll still be living in the USA. That was the main thing I cared about."

Tony grinned. "That's it?"

Gibbs started to roll his eyes and then caught himself and gave it some thought. "I didn't really want to live in Hawaii and Alaska either, but I would've gone without complaint if that was what you wanted. I think North Carolina is a good choice."

Tony smiled. "I would love to vacation in Hawaii, even though I know it's expensive, but don't want to live there. Anything else?"

Gibbs sighed and thought for another moment or two and finally shook his head no. "As long as I got you, the rest is just details."

Tony stopped and stared for a moment before his shy smile returned. "You're doing it again."

"What?"

"Making me want to drag you back to bed and keep you there."

Gibbs smirked. "Not going to say no."

Tony laughed and his eyes lit up. "I guess...I'm wondering if you can really give up this house? I know you've been cleaning out stuff but…this is where your family was. And what if we don't work out? Then what? You won't have anyplace to come back to."

Gibbs let out a long-suffering sigh. "Tony, I'm ready to leave this house behind. It's full of ghosts. I'm not worried about us. We'll go through tough times sometimes, but we'll get through it. I figure nothing could be as tough as what we've already been through."

Tony closed his eyes for a moment and then let out a long, slow breath. "Point."

"So back to North Carolina, huh?"

"Yeah. Doug will be thrilled...if he accepts us."

"Still haven't told him?"

"Was thinking about calling him later today. Still need to tell Jimmy, too. I'll see if he's free for lunch."

"Good idea. I got some errands to run today anyway."

"You want me to bring you back something to eat?"

"Nah, I'll grab a sandwich or something."

"Okay. What do you want for dinner?"

"Food."

Tony chuckled. "What kind of food?"

"Something edible. Why? You cooking?"

"I can. Is there some specific food you want?"

"Whatever you make is fine. I'll cook tomorrow night."

Tony smiled and nodded. "Do you mind if we eat at my place? Then, I can start working on stuff."

"Nope. What time should I show up?"

"Whenever you get done with whatever you need to do."

"Just got a few bills to pay, getting low on milk. Going to stop and harass Fornell if he's not in the middle of a hot case." Gibbs grinned.

"Sounds good. Give Slacks a hard time for me if you see him."

"Still hate each other's guts?"

"Eeeh, he's not worth hating, even if I tell him I do. His attitude just pisses me off."

Gibbs frowned. "Does he still think you're guilty?"

Tony narrowed his eyes. "He says he thinks it, but I hope he doesn't since you proved without a doubt I was set up."

Gibbs rolls his eyes. "If he does, then he's too stupid to even be a Feebie."

"Can't be too stupid, he's still with the agency."

"That's because the other agencies have higher standards."

Tony laughed. "Ooooh, snap! Making fun of Feebies never gets old."

Gibbs grinned. "I just like ragging on Fornell."

"Yeah, but you two are friends, right?"

"Yeah. He's a good friend when he's not an ass."

"Is he going to be an ass about this?"

"Probably, then he'd turn around and shoot anyone who said a word against us."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'd do the same for him."

"From the way you two acted at work, no one would ever guess your friends."

"Yeah, we did that to fuck with the higher-ups."

Tony laughed. "So you stress them out thinking this is going to be difficult, and in the meantime you're laughing together."

"Yeah, it was fun."

"You both are asses."

"When the higher-ups don't listen, they deserve it."

"True." Tony fell quiet as he thought for a few minutes. "If you're really ready to give up this house, you can put it on the market and stay with me until we're ready to move. Then, I'll put my place on the market. It might be slower to sell though due to its history."

Gibbs smirked. "But that was a long time ago."

"Yeah, I should be able to sell it at a profit though. It's a lot nicer now than it was."

Gibbs nodded. "Sounds good. I figure I'll spend the next couple of weeks working on my house, getting it ready to sell, put it on the market."

"What about the boat?"

"Can go into storage until we're ready to move. Once we figure out where to go, will move with us. When we move though, I want to build all new furniture for us."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Might need your help at times though."

"Uh...you know I'm not good at building stuff, right?"

Gibbs chuckled. "I can show you, mostly I will need you to be a second set of hands to hold stuff still at times...and to keep me company."

"I can definitely do that." Gibbs smiled and Tony smiled back. "Holy shit, we have an actual plan." Tony laughed as the realization struck him. Gibbs smiled with him but realized he'd never seen Tony look so genuinely happy before. "I still don't believe you're doing all this for me."

"I'm doing it for myself, too."

Tony shook his head in awe. "I can't believe you want to sell your house. I never thought you'd part with it. Going to miss it. It always felt homey to me."

"I'm tired of living with ghosts." Gibbs sighed. "We'll find a house and make it ours...truly ours."

Tony's smile was so wide it was beaming. "I never would've guessed the perfect person for me would be a guy, and you, at that."

Gibbs snorted. "Same."

Tony's stomach rumbled just loud enough for Gibbs to hear. Tony gave Gibbs a Cheshire cat grin. "How about this...since I'm making dinner, how about you make breakfast?"

Gibbs didn't respond but stood up and stretched.

"I'm hungry."

"So, what else is new?"

Before Tony could verbally respond, his stomach growled again and it was loud in the quiet room.

"Shit, that beast is going to eat me," Gibbs infused mock fear in his voice and backed away slightly.

Tony laughed.

"What do you want to eat?" Gibbs asked, still smiling.

"Food." There was a twinkle in Tony's eye as he answered, mimicking Gibbs' response earlier.

"Okay, you'll eat what I put in front of you then."

Tony grinned.

Gibbs pointed at him and gave him a stern look. "But you're washing the dishes."

Tony let out a long-suffering sigh. "I suppose that's acceptable since you're cooking. You do realize that means you're washing dishes tonight though, right?"

"You have a dishwasher."

"And our new house is so going to have one, even if we have to tear the kitchen apart to fit it in."

Gibbs laughed. "Fine." Gibbs took out breakfast stuff and set them on the counter and opened the cupboard and chose a bowl.

"Who knew being domestic with you would be so easy?"

Gibbs shrugged. "Housework doesn't do itself. No point in being difficult."

"That's for sure," Tony said emphatically. "I kinda would like to keep a cleaning service to do some of the housework. With your knee, you're not going to be able to kneel as easily and my knee sometimes hurts on rainy days. And...I don't want you to feel like you're doing all the housework because I'll be doing the school and work thing. That wouldn't be fair. You should get to enjoy your retirement and not have to worry about all the housework I won't have time to do."

Gibbs had expected to do housework and he hadn't been looking forward to it exactly, but he chalked it up to an inevitability. Truth was, he'd rather work on the furniture than worry about doing more than dishes, and laundry. "Okay. We should be able to do that. We'll share the grocery shopping, cooking and dishwasher. You manage laundry because I won't do it unless I have to. I like lawn work so I'll do that. We'll hire someone to do the other stuff."

Tony smiled. "That sounds great," he said emphatically. "I wasn't looking forward to lawn work, but I still want to learn how to do it for the times you're in too much pain to do it. I expect to have to do that sometimes."

Gibbs smiled. "You keep saying things like that, and I'll keep you in bed."

"Not going to say no."

"We're going to bed early tonight," Gibbs decided.

Tony smiled and reached his hand out to Gibbs. Gibbs took his hand and they squeezed lightly at the same time.

"Got good news for you," Gibbs said.

"Yeah?"

"Abs called this morning. She came around."

Tony's eyes got wide. "She did?"

"Yeah, she wants us to be happy. I still think she's surprised, but she saw we were happy. She'll probably call you or tell you in person later."

Tony sank back in his chair, relief in his face. "Oh, thank God! After last night, I really didn't know if she would."

"I think she and Ducky just need to get used to the idea."

"I hope we can get a house with guest bedrooms so our friends can come visit if they want to."

Gibbs nodded. "We'll make room for everyone."

Tony smiled. "Would you object if our new home had a nautical theme, maybe our bedroom? I was thinking maybe a wall hanging of an anchor, maybe sea blue walls or something like that. Just something private...for us."

"Sounds good. Always loved the water."

"I know, that's why I suggested it."

Gibbs smiled at him before turning back to breakfast prep. They ate companionably, talking about what they wanted in their new house until the guys that Gibbs hired to move stuff arrived. Tony finished the dishes and he left to take care of his stuff, waving at Gibbs in passing.


	23. Chapter 23

Gibbs made it to Tony's apartment around four that afternoon. It'd been a long day but a good one. His upstairs floor was almost completely empty except for the bed that was still useable in the spare room. He'd then spent a few hours at the FBI office drinking coffee and talking to Fornell when he wasn't on the phone. Fornell had even asked his opinion on a case and wrote it off as a consult so Gibbs was even going to get paid for it. He'd told Fornell about the changes in his life. To his surprise, he found that Fornell wasn't the least bit surprised, and revealed a secret.

"Diane and I used to have a bet on when you and Tony would get together. We ended up dropping it about a few months before she…" Fornell took a deep breath and glossed over it. "We both had given up on the idea, figured if you hadn't by then you weren't going to. At least I got my 100 bucks back" His smile had been a little bittersweet. Gibbs knew he'd gladly part with that 100 and a whole lot more to have Diane back.

Gibbs shook his head as he replayed in his head what Fornell said. He'd never guessed that Fornell had given this any thought but it was comforting that he didn't have to explain it to him the way they had Ducky and Abby. He hadn't had to argue with Ducky, but like Tony, he cared what Ducky thought. Gibbs sighed. Ducky had at least accepted it, and hopefully time would prove the rest. He had to trust in that.

As he reached Tony's door, it opened and Tony let him in. No sooner had Tony closed it that Gibbs was pushed up against it and Tony was kissing him. Gibbs wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close. Tony's kiss was warm and wet and he groaned in the kiss. When they ended the kiss, he was smiling at Gibbs, his eyes excited and happy.

"What?" Gibbs smiled back.

"You shared good news with me this morning...I have good news for you."

Gibbs raised an eyebrow and waited.

"First, I had lunch with Jimmy today. He was surprised and speechless, and then made one of his stammering speeches.” Tony grinned but rolled his eyes. “He said basically he didn’t think you were gay and I head slapped him and told him you’d been married four times to women.”

Gibbs snorted and Tony continued. “Then, I told him my plan and he thought it was great. He’s happy for me. He said if you were happy, he’d be happy for you, too. I told him you were. I hope that was okay.”

Gibbs gave Tony “the look.”

Tony smiled sheepishly. “Didn’t want to assume…”

“What’s the other good news?” Gibbs wasn’t going to dignify that with an answer. Tony knew how he felt.

“Well…how would you like to spend the rest of the summer at the beach house?"

Gibbs blinked, surprised. "What?"

"I called Doug a little while ago, told him everything. He was a little surprised at first, but he says I've talked so much about you over the years that somehow it wasn't too big a surprise. I told him I loved North Carolina and wanted to move there. He said that he and his wife are going to spend a week there not this coming weekend but starting next weekend and then they're going to be busy the rest of the summer and probably won't make it back and offered us the use of it so we have a base of operations in-state to find our own place. He also said we can still use the beach house for vacations if we want, too."

Gibbs took a minute to let this sink in and asked, "How much rent?"

Tony snorted. "That was my first question." Tony cleared his throat. "But he said no rent. He's not even going to charge us for the utilities as long as we didn’t go overboard and I told him we wouldn’t. All he asked is that we take care of the yard and the pool and keep the house clean like we did when we were there. Oh, and Carol raved about how clean the house was when she drove out to check on things. She swore we left it in better shape than she did and for her, that's saying something. She wants to meet you, by the way."

Gibbs was stunned. He didn't expect that. "She does?"

"Yeah. Doug told her what was going on while he talked to me. She's so happy I'm finally settling down." Tony rolled his eyes but he was smiling.

Gibbs went deadpan. "I don't know…"

Tony's face fell. "What?"

"One problem…"

"What?" Tony looked serious and concerned.

"Shower is too small."

Tony froze for a second and then he busted up laughing. "Yeah, true, but we'll fix that with our future house."

"Damn right!"

"So...is that a yes?"

"Sounds good…Ya think Carol would let us take off those vine things out of the living room while we're there?"

Tony blinked. "You hated them too?” At Gibbs’ nod, Tony grinned. “I already asked her. I didn't know you didn't like them but I hated them. She just laughed and said she'd take care of them when they went out for the week. Doug teased me about us having kinky sex in their bed, too."

Gibbs felt his face get hot. "Uh…"

Tony snorted. "Don't worry about it. He knows what I'm like. I told him we would be sure to christen the bed regularly. He laughed."

"So...they don't care?"

Tony snorted. "He doesn't care. I did tell him we'd bring our own sheets. Apparently I put all kinds of visuals in his head he didn't want without even trying." Tony grinned.

Gibbs chewed his lip a little. "Want to get one of those mattress protectors, too...we might get messy at times."

Tony raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"

"Good sex is messy. If you don't need a shower after, you did it wrong."

"I love the way you think. Doug would agree, too. He was wilder in college than I was."

Gibbs snorted. He could imagine that from the time he met him.

"Doug said he'd also like to come out for a weekend, he thought he probably would be able to, have a few beers, catch up. He said he'd be able to get the boat from his neighbor, too."

Gibbs smiled wide. "That’d be great!" Gibbs liked the idea of getting to know Tony's friend.

Tony beamed. "This is going to be the best summer!"

Gibbs agreed. He hugged Tony tightly and Tony squeezed him, his happiness contagious in the moment. In an instant, he was looking down on the two of them as if from right above them only he saw Tony's face. His eyes were closed, and smiling as he hugged him. From his vantage point above, he could feel and see himself squeeze Tony just a little more and Tony's smile widened. The joy in his face reminded Gibbs how beautiful Tony was. It was completely different from a woman's beauty, and in some ways, even more so. Tears filled his own eyes knowing he was the one who put that smile there.

Gibbs blinked and an image of Shannon, Kelly and Diane appeared before his eyes. Diane seemed to hang back while Shannon and Kelly were more vivid and were smiling at him. Shannon radiated happiness, and Kelly was grinning her trademark grin that used to melt him to pieces. He stared at them as a tear streamed down his face. They waved happily at him and seemed to step backward and slowly faded, but not quite disappearing. Diane seemed to move closer and become more vivid. She held his gaze for a moment, and then she smiled that warm, loving smile she used to bestow on him back early on in their relationship. She then blew him a kiss and faded gently into his memory.

Then he was looking down on himself and Tony hugging again, and another tear streamed down his face and he vowed that he would love Anthony DiNozzo, Jr. for the rest of his life.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Art for "Ghosts of the Past" by PhoenixRising360](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16785805) by [thecookiemomma](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecookiemomma/pseuds/thecookiemomma)




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